How do you cope just being at home without working???

Question

I have been working since I was 16 that's 11 years and recently (6 mts) I thought it would be a great idea for me to stop and stay at home with my 2 yr old instead, But I am going INSANE!!! I am used to being out with ppl and working.... how do mums manage to be with their kid all day and not have a job, now I feel like I lost a part of myself, like I am not a woman anymore just a wife and a mum.... gotta get a job!!! Anyone else feels like this or is it just me?????????????

I love my kid but I am not a house wife type and I belive that I was a better mum when I worked, I do go out and am busy all day BUT i miss working and when i talk 2 ppl about this everyone thinks that I am selfish for thinking this, am I???

Answer 1

My friend went through this same thing. She is just not the "stay home" type. Some people are, some aren't. You definitely aren't alone. My friend went back to work part time and is a much happier Mom. She doesn't do it for the money, she does it for her own sanity. She said she felt "trapped" being at home and she felt isolated. I think she made the right decision for herself and her family.

I am a stay at home Mom myself; and I love it! I don't miss working. Everyone is different though, and I respect that. This 'staying home' business is not all that it's cracked up to be sometimes. Just like any job/career/profession, there are days where I wish I could just 'up and leave'. But overall, I'm happy doing what I'm doing.

In my opinion, a Mother (or any parent) should not be judged solely on whether or not they work outside the home. There are stay at home Moms who neglect their children just as there are working Moms who neglect their children. I have another friend that's a stay at home mom and she almost NEVER plays with her children. She's too busy cleaning the house or talking to friends on the phone. I have another friend with 3 children who works outside the home full time and devotes her undivided attention to her children in the evenings and most weekends. Remember, "quantity" does not automatically mean "quality". Quality time is MUCH more important than how much time you actually spend in the child's presence. I think what I told you about my two friends proves that.

GOOD LUCK with your decision.

Answer 2

Using the Internet as a source of interaction and support (this site for instance) seems like a good start to me. You are interacting with adults (well some of us are) even if it is via a computer.

If you can afford it, you should get a sitter (or maybe family can help) a specific time each week and go volunteer somewhere or get a part-time job. A church could use some help filing, a shop may need someone 10 hours a week since the holidays are on the way, or just a plain old Mummy's club. Search locally for groups to join in your area.

I hope that helps and just remember you are not crazy or less of a mum because you would like some adult interaction. There was a book out in the states called it takes a village or something about how it isn't just about a stay at home parent and a kid all alone every day all day but a community effort that would afford you some time to be an adult. It relieves some stress, socializes your little one and that will make you a better mum.

Good luck to you on your journey!

Answer 3

too have worked since i was 16. I am now 26 with a 4yr old boy. I gave up my job in April so i am now at home full time. I know exactly how you feel as i too have had those exact feelings. But what i have done has made me overcome the feelings i had and that you are having, here's my suggestion. Set yourself different activities to do with your son each day. that way you'll be busy and he'll be busy and entertained. Go to play centres. My son loves to run about and it gives me a chance to speak to the other mum's and dad's there and have a bit of adult conversation. Same goes for swimming and parent toddler groups, parks etc. If you really can't face not working but don't want to miss out on your child growing up then why not consider becoming a childminder. That way you have the responsibilitie of work, you'll be your own boss, choose your own hours and the amount of children you have. You don't have to look after hildren all day if you don't wish but maybe just a few hours after school, it really is your choice. That way you get the best of all worlds, You get to watch your child grow up, you're working and you have a bit of extra cash for those romantic nights out with the hubby!!

Answer 4

Everyone is different. If you are not happy staying home your child will sense your unhappiness and that will defeat the whole purpose of you being at home with him. On the other hand, it does take some time to adjust, get into a routine, have a network of other moms that you see during the day etc. I've been home for 6 years (I have 3 kids) and the first year was tough. I knew I wanted to be home with them when they were small though.... and now, I am getting ready to go back to work next year and wish to God I don't have to go. I'd give it a few more months, but if you really are completely miserable then maybe it's just not for you---and it isn't for everyone. Heck, that's what makes the world go round.... if we were all the same the world would be a very boring place. Don't beat yourself up about it if you do decide being at home really isn't for you. Your child won't benefit from you being with him if you're miserable.

Answer 5

I know exactly how you feel. I am a stay at home mom of 3. I've been home for 4 years and I still have days when I feel like I'm going crazy! I felt like a had no real purpose for the first year or two that I was home. Which was ridiculous, I was raising my kids and taking care of our home, but I still felt that way. The thing that finally helped me was taking a hobby and making a "job" out of it. I sew and knit and now I make baby items and sell them on Ebay. The sewing and knitting keeps me busy and creative, and I'm making money. Plus, stop thinking that you need a job, you have a job, you are a wife and mother. I may be biased, but I think that is the hardest job in the world. Think about all you do in a day? I bet you'll find you do just as much, if not more, than when you worked. Check out this link, you plug in how many kids you have and it tells you how much you would make if you were getting paid for all you do.
http://swz.salary.com/momsalarywizard/htmls/mswl_momcenter.html

With 3 kids, I would make over $100,000!! Just look at all you've accomplished at the end of everyday! The best part is knowing that you are there for your children whenever they need you. They are the most important job in your life. I have the rest of my life to work at a job, but they are only little for a short amount of time. Don't feel like you've lost yourself, look at what you have gained, the precious moments with your son that you could never replace. You might have days when you are going insane, but somewhere out there right now is a mother who is working that would kill to be in your shoes. They may be too young to understand right now, but someday our children will appreciate the sacrifices we made out of our love for them!!! Be proud of your choice and hang in there, it gets easier! It is hard, but it is worth it! Good luck to you!

Answer 6

I guess the grass is always greener! I work but would love to stay home with my 2 year old! LOL

I don't think you're selfish, and you shouldn't, either. You are a mom, but you are also many other things. You don't have to lose your identity. As for what to do, there are mom groups out there that get together (with and without their children) to socialize for the very same reasons you state. They're going crazy, too! Google SAHM groups in your area to see if you can get involved. If you really want to get back to work, try going back part time at first. That way you won't feel so guilty about leaving your little one.

Answer 7

I completely feel your pain!! I am a stay at home mom of two toddler girls. They are 2 1/2 and 17 months, and they drive me absolutely nuts. (My younger one is hounding me as I type now.) I would love to go get a job, but I know spending the money on daycare would be more than I could possibly make. (My husband works).

I have days that I don't get to do any housework because all I do is clean up their messes. While I'm cleaning up peanut butter that's been spread all over the door to the oven, they're trying to go potty but not making it in the potty...then when I give them a bath, they knock toilet paper into the bathwater, so I have to strain the tub so it doesn't clog. Whew...and that's just within an hour!

Yes, I totally feel like I've lost a part of myself. I used to do such a good job when I worked, and made great friends that I still talk to. I miss being a part of the social world, and I just try to keep in touch with my friends as soon as my husband gets home (though he is working about 60 hours a week right now.) I try to find activities that get me out and away from the kids. I am into making beaded jewelry, so I do it and go to craft shows. I get do something I love, spend time at craft shows (without the kids, my parents watch them), and make some extra money on the side. Other than that, I karaoke with one of my friends occassionally, and play in an indoor soccer league. You just have to find time to do some of the things you love too, so you don't completely lose yourself.

So please know that you're not alone in this. I used to want so badly to be a SAHM and now I feel trapped because I couldn't work if I wanted to. If you want to make a new friend, I'm here...Good luck to you, and do whatever you can to salvage yourself and your sanity!! 0=)

Answer 8

It's tough staying at home but it would be worse to work and leave the child, trust me. I know I would go nutty at home, too, but it would be better than being away and missing everything all day like I am now. Consider it the less of two evils. Just know that it comes with the territory, but it is better than the alternative - not being with the baby!! If you can stay home, do so. Get together with other moms - that helped me when I was home. Go to the gym - they have little childcare rooms. Make a girls night when you and a group of girls go out, or even come to your house for drinks - do it once a week at a different persons house.

Answer 9

A lot of women get like that. Try hosting a day care so your child can interact with other kids.

Or work from home.

Or get a small part time job in the evenings.

Honestly though, if you have your own house, and a child, you'd be suprised how much time and effort it takes to keep everything perfect and up to par. cooking cleaning mending fixing decorating, teaching your child along the way, shopping, weeding, mowing, dusting, dishes, laundry, perfecting the lay out of the house, yard work, gardening, winterizing, baking, bathing, washing, cleaning, sewing, on and on and on.

So long as people live in the house, and the childs awake, theres a million things that can be done.

i replaced the carpets in my dinging and living room, painted the walls and redecorated the bathroom to update it when the house was clean and everything else was done.

Theres always a project :)

Answer 10

Well my baby is only 7 weeks old and like you I have worked for alot of years, Im older then you. Me and my hubby feel its important also to stay at home at least for the first 6 months. I too am going nuts. I like to try and get out of the house at least every other day. Go for walks, shopping (even if its window shopping). this week I plan on starting to volunteer for abused children a few hours a week (something that I have never done). I too am eager to go back to work, but I think of someone else bonding with my child more than me and I cant bear it. Also the holidays are coming start baking and thinking of things to do for the holidays. I hope this helps.