How do I help her grief?

Question

My daughter lost her best friend and college roommate in an auto accident in feb. and Yesterday lost her Step-mother of 17 yrs to complications of lap-band surgery she had last weds. She is devastated and i'm really worried about her. She seems to be so mad . Any suggestions ? Please nothing about God she is not religous at all!

Answer 1

Try talking her into getting grief counseling. Where a group of people meet and discuss the loss of loved ones. I found a group through a funeral home. Getting angry is very normal after you lose someone. It's one of the steps actually.
Just be there for her otherwise its up to her!

Answer 2

Oh, my! How unfortunate!! My husband died in '97 and was buried on our son's 14th birthday. I only wish he had grieved...I'm still not convinced he has!! I lost my mom a year ago and there's not a day that passes when I do not think of her, although I'm getting better at holding the waterworks now. Different people grieve in different ways...first shock, then anger, then sadness....it can take a long long time and death of a loved one will never be forgotten...you just have to learn to go on with your own life..I know, easier said than done! Grief is a normal process and I would offer her my sympathy, support and being a loving, caring mother is the first step...you've got that down pat, cause you're here for suggestions! Way to go, Mom!! Keep a close eye on her the next few months, just to make sure she is moving forward in her grieving process and not getting stuck....and if it appears she is falling into a depression, crying daily, sleeping more, falling out of social contact with friends...then it's time to see a professional.....also, many hospices around the country offer grief counseling and have other ideas, I'm sure.....Good luck and God Bless!!

Answer 3

I'm so sorry that this has happened to her and to you. You must love her very much to care for her in this way.

People in the depths of grief aren't very good communicators, usually. Sometimes they want to talk about 'it' and sometimes they want to talk about anything but 'it.' You need to learn to be a bit of a mind-reader, I'm afraid.

For Heaven's sake don't let her resort to pills, anti-depressants especially. They won't solve the problem - they'll probably make it worse overall, because at some point it's all got to 'come out,' so to speak, and so being in a numbed chemical state won't help. On the other hand, there are support groups for people who've been bereaved and I'd strongly suggest that you find one; they're in the Internet and also in real places with real people, and not all of them will push God down her/your throat.

Help with the practical stuff as much as you can without overloading her; does she need transport? does she need anything fetched and carried? Small appetising meals, that sort of thing.

Yes, she'll be angry. She has the right to do that. Stay with her. If you can get her to focus from time to time about what was good about the people she lost, how she'll tell her own family about them when she's older, that sort of thing. If she can write down her feelings in poetry or express them in music, so much the better - if she's that kind of person. And once again please don't try to bear this alone; if you choose not to go with the support group idea, then make sure that your friends and hers are around to give support. And there may be a time when you can tell her that this experience of grief will help her to help others later in her life.

You have a hard road ahead. I'll keep thinking about you.

Answer 4

We live on after death in the influence that we have had on the world around us, no matter how small the world we touched. As long as one person remembers us, we live on.

The matter that makes up my body, and the energy that enervates it and courses though my brain, has passed through an almost infinite number of forms before me. Part of me may have been a comet or a dinosaur. And when I die, the things that make me "me" will be dissolved and will join in the ongoing cosmic dance of life.
How to deal with grief? You just do. You just deal with it, like anything else in your life. I'm not saying it doesn't hurt, because that would be an obvious lie; but you've got to work your way through your feelings, and continue on. Is that what the person who died would want anyway, for you to continue on with your life?
I am not saying FORGET that person; far from it. But just keep on moving forward...grief is a natural process and everyone deals with it in their own way. grief passes if one doesn't fight it's process and one is able to take life on it's terms and enjoy the good which life so often brings.

Answer 5

Well ...this is tough when you exclude God but here it is: She has emotionally been strained beyond her control....medications or drugs only mask this issue so I dont suggest them at all....She has to settle her soul by understanding fate and that Life is filled with misfortunes and set-backs but the living must go on for the others who didnt go the distance...in a sense a relay in which we can live for them through our daily actions and attributes towards others and for ourselves. She should embrace it as a chance to make a full life of it for all that perished. Its about bravery.....having the courage to continue on making a difference in her life so she can give there life meaning and purpose......Have her concentrate on maybe doing a Memorial for her Step-Mom...you can help in this regard.....and maybe have dedication or ceremony page or website she can develop for her lost friends with a message board for all to say something ...She needs to turn it around into something "good".....make it important to share the life that these people had and represented...Its all from the Heart......so let it come out!!

Answer 6

Your poor daughter.

Anger is a natural emotion after a death.

Just make sure that WHEN SHE IS READY that she has someone to talk to whether it be a friend, relative, neighbor, somebody.

She has to go through the grieving process. You have to let her do that on her own as much as possible. Each one of us deals with death differently. Just keep a somewhat close eye on her in case you think she is falling into a pit of depression that she cannot get out of on her own. If she gets to that point she will most likely require the assistance of a professional counselor.

Good luck.......

Answer 7

Let her talk when she wants to and allow her to NOT talk if she doesn't want to.

Ask her how she would feel about writing something about her roommate and her stepmother and then presenting it to the families. It might help her to get those feelings off her chest while knowing that she's doing something that will mean a lot to the families of the people she has lost.

If her depression persists, or she becomes either destructive or self-destructive, please get her into counseling immediately.

Answer 8

Thank goodness you're there for her because no one should go through that alone! Grief counseling is probably the best way to go, as well as love and patience from everyone around her. Bless her heart...

Answer 9

be there for her i had a few loved ones that had died and I'm not real religious but i cant think of the authors name right off but the book Tears from Heaven gives great insight on death and grieving i think maybe Vaughn Pragh wrote it and no its really not reliogius its spirtual

Answer 10

maybe explain to her that her stepmom is in a better place and that she is not suffering anymore if she was. Be there to comfort her just be carful not to much she may push you away. Or maybe try a support group and they will be able to relate better.