I am casually seeing a man I love dearly (9 months). We flirt, hug and kiss each other all the time and we are having a laugh. We have slept in the same bed , and yet I don't seem to have the courage to come on to him. I think he might be giving up on me because of that. I lost my husband nearly two years ago and I want a physical relationship, so why don't I just do it?
2006-10-17 02:46:14 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Losing a loved one especially a spouse is hard. It takes some people a long time for that wound to heal. Maybe you are comfortable with having a friend to love, but are unsure that he will meet the standards that your husband set for the love in your life. Dating again and having a sexual relationship reopens those deep wounds and the whole situation could make you very tender to the idea of having sex again. Maybe your subconcious is hesitant because you are afraid of losing another mate. Allow your soul time to heal, and when you are ready, there will be no hesitation. And it will be bliss. Good luck, always.
2006-10-17 03:02:13 · answer #1 · answered by Amber L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps you're just not ready. You can't plan something like that and enjoy it, it has to be a spontaneous thing and something you both want at a time that's right for you both. You may (subconciously) be feeling as though you're being unfaithful to your husband? If he goes off you because of the fact that you haven't "come onto him" then I don't think he's the right person to be making love to for the first time since your husband passed away. It will come to you when you leaset expect it but for now I would say that you're simply happy with the dates you two are having together at the moment without it being 'serious'. Just enjoy the time you do have together and see where it leads later.
You could try talking to him and ask him why he hasn't made advances.
2006-10-17 03:51:05 · answer #2 · answered by sue l 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Angel,
I don't think your age has anything to do with it,what is understandable is that you lost your husband and you adore this new man in your life.You do need to take the relationship to the next level,maybe you are focusing to much on the act that is making you nervous talk to him and i am sure he will understand,maybe making the a special evening out of it you both dressing up for a night out you could book a hotel if it helps you.Once you get over your minor nerves you will be fine Angel, good luck x
2006-10-17 02:59:17 · answer #3 · answered by Sherzade 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi, well I'm 52 and having great sex with my girlfriend who is 55. So there is always hope. The answer to your question is to talk to your man and explain to him, assuming he is an understanding kind of a guy he will be only too pleased to help the situation. What a great guy to sleep in the same bed and not push you, knowing that you are not ready. Please talk to him and you will be on your way. Just think you have all of that fun and the feeling of being closer just around the corner, everything to look forward to. Go for it girl......... let us know how it goes.
2006-10-17 02:58:34 · answer #4 · answered by Robert B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe there is a deep seated feeling that if you have sex with this man you are being unfaithful to your husband. I have been in a similar situation, so decided to drink a couple of galsses of wine first. Once I got going again, there was no going back. Just go for it. Your husband would not want you to be alone.
2006-10-17 04:33:15 · answer #5 · answered by feebee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you're still not ready and that's ok. try touching non-sexual parts and just being partly naked together. take your time and build up. he may be feeling the same and you really haven't known each other that long. well done you for reaching out to someone emotionally and wanting to share again. recognise your progress and stop worrying about losing him. if it's meant to be it will work. two years isn't very long either and you will still be grieving..probably why this lovely new guy is respecting you and not pouncing. talk about your feeling to him..he'll understand and feel closer to you. good luck honey
2006-10-17 03:45:48 · answer #6 · answered by minerva 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go for it you might as well be happy!!!!!!!!!!!! Would suggest that you buy an new bed if you ar estill using the bed you had when your husband was around as that may be off putting to your new man, new everything down to duvet and sheets!!!!! If not just jump on top and take him for the ride of his life!!!! Good Luck xx
2006-10-17 02:57:24 · answer #7 · answered by Very Sexy Vixen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Angel... you must follow your own heart and feelings and not listen to the amateur psycho-babble that you will get on this site.
Only you and your partner know when things are right.
If you have already shared a bed, yet not had sex, I would guess that he has the same anxieties....
Speak to him...
Honesty is the basis of EVERY loving relationship.
Good luck.
2006-10-17 02:54:55 · answer #8 · answered by Harrison N 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
your not the only one hun i too am not ready for a sexual relationship..i am 43....your body will tell you when your ready..don't rush...if your partner is understanding then he'll wait for you to decide....talk to him about it...don't hold any feelings in, this causes stress hence...no sex...you have to be sure in your own mind that this is what you want to do...but don't be worrying...we go through these things...plus losing your husband can put the blockers on sex...you were so used to doing it with him, doing it with someone new is a little bit strange...take your time...
2006-10-17 03:11:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your boyfriend about how you feel. Tell him you need to feel closer to him in a physical relationship.
Your boyfriend may be waiting for you to be ready since you lost your husband two years ago.
2006-10-17 02:57:29 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋