He doesn't know if he wants to have more kids, should I end it now?

Question

I recently started dating the most amazing man I have ever met in my life. We have an amazing connection and everything is going great. He has 2 children from his first marriage...awesome. I LOVE kids and if things get super serious, I would love his children as my own. However, I told him that I want to experience child birth...as a woman and also as something I want to share with whoever I end up marrying. He says he is "semi-open" to the idea but he always imagined that he was done having children. I said, "If you wouldn't want to have more kids please let me know now early on...because that would be a deal breaker." He said, "Well, let's just cross that bridge if we get there." So I am stressing....what is the point in me allowing myself to fall for this guy if there is a chance that he won't impregnate me if we get married!? Do I end it now before it gets super serious or risk getting hurt when he says "I love you, I want to marry you, but no more kids."???

Answer 1

Men are hard to understand they never know exactly what they want! I will tell you this Love is hard if it were easy we would all be doin it but there are too amny single people out there to tell me love is easy. I will tell you this if you feel an amazing conntection with this man then everything else will fall into place. How can a man that truly loves you and want to spend the rest of his life with you not want to see you give birth to one of his children. He is confused, and men that come from divorces usually fear the worse when starting a new relationship. You need to find out if the reason why he doesnt want to have more kids is because of the fear the relationship will end again and he will be stuck taking care of another child from another marriage. Before you go breaking it off make sure his reasoning behind not wanting more children. Eliminating the fear will fear free up the open part of his heart that loves children and you. But be careful if he does tell you No more kids then that is the time you will need to make the decision of how much you love him and how much you want a child of your own.

Answer 2

The relationship is still new, give it some time. The two of you need to learn more about each other. Later you may find that he isn't really the man for you or he may find later that you are the woman for him and that he wants to have children with you. Maybe he feels that it is just to early in the relationship to make any decisions about having more children right now. He never said that he didn't say that he absolutely didn't want anymore children. I say give it more time and then bring it up later (but nit all the time), get to know each other better before you worry about having children with him and when and if he ask you to marry him, make sure that the two of you discuss this issue. Good Luck.

Answer 3

Jennifer, I'm sorry to tell you that you are acting wrongly. Listen, you started by saying that this is the most amazing guy you've ever met in your life - whatever that means, you're the one that can tell. But I believe that what you're saying there is that this is the only time that you've found a guy who matches you in all respect. If that's the case, why would you allow the issue of kids or no kids separate you so early? From what you said, the guy has not even told you a NO, rather he leaves at 50/50. Are you sure he won't change his mind with your convinction later on in life - or you're not capable of winning him to your side? Maybe this might shock you somehow; are you so very sure you can have children? Please, be content with what you have for each other presently - a great love. Later, I'm very sure that things will sort themselves out. That's my candid advice for you. Good luck and cheers!

Answer 4

It could be a good thing he is unsure he wants more children. He doesn't want to go out there and just have kids for know reason. I'm sure if he gets really serious with someone again and feels it is right he'd love to have more children. He just doesn't feel like he can make that decision now so early on in the relationship. You have to give him credit for that.

Answer 5

I'm a business woman first- so "love" had been something of a unicorn to me. I watched, witness and worked with many failed marriages and the false perceptions they had lived under for many years.

We had an arrangement in our marriage, a contract we wrote on the week of our engagement called Compromises & Deal Breakers.

We both separately listed the items that were both on a sheet of paper,then we came together and discussed and made a final copy, the compromises had Time limits or they too became "deal breakers".


One of the compromises was children, since I was told that it would be difficult at best to have any, and he wanted them badly.
That was one of the reasons for his first failed marriage.[His first wife was cheating on him, that's why she did not want "his" kids, she wanted the other guys.... really sad.]


WE compromised that after our third year of marriage, I would try for three years to have children, if my life was in danger or it was not medically possible we would compromise or its a deal breaker. Harsh huh!
But I was okay with it. We did however agree to adopt after our first miscarriage and we did have a beautiful son born 5 months before we starting looking for an adopted.

I knew that he loved me so much that we would be okay and he would be happy without kids with me, yet we had been together for 5 years at that point.


The reality IS- the dream of marriage, family and your life is YOURS and when you marry someone else it becomes OURS and if you do not discuss and have goals prior to that commitment it is a gamble and YOU will be the one that gets hurt.

I was in my early thirties when I Got married and I knew that compromise would be hard for me, so I made the contract to protect me, not him. I would have adopted on my own anyway, without him, so those choices were not hard to make. It was the "sharing" and consulting about all choices that was a burden and is still part of the disagreements.

I was leary of marriage to a divorced man, we immediately went into couples counseling and stayed their 10 months (2x's a week) prior to our wedding day. We both had baggage to disgard before we united.

You have a lot to consider. Best wishes

sorry, too much and too fast for spell check to keep up.

Answer 6

Don't dump him yet over it. Up until recently I didn't want kids either. He probably just needs some time and is wary of having more kids again because his first marriage didn't work out. I wouldn't call it a deal breaker at all. Honestly just give him some time and see what happens. If he proposes to you then worry about it but for now just be cool and enjoy your relationship. Oh and please don't ever get pregnant on purpose and do that to a guy.

Answer 7

The fact that he is "semi-open" to the idea is good news for you. Men don't beat around the bush when it comes to having kids. He probably just wants to be sure it will last with you (as opposed to his first marriage). Failed marriages hurt even more when there are kids involved. Just assure him that you plan to stay around, and try to be patient. And that little "most amazing man I have ever met" comment should be said to him...often!! You'll be amazed at the results! GOOD LUCK

Answer 8

You said it yourself it is a deal breaker . He is being a coward by not dealing with this up front . do yourself a favor and get out now before you even have to deal with the marriage thing. Find someone who wants to have more children or children period . It is not fair to you to have to wait for him to make up his mind. He in a way has already said to you that he really does not want any more children. He is not the one for you. Good luck and god bless.

Answer 9

Make him sit down and talk to you. Tell him how important it is to have your own children. Tell him you need to know how he is going to feel about it because if he isnt going to happy about the idea then you are going to find someone that wants them as much as you do. You dont just want him to agree or allow the birth of another child, you need him to be happy about it. If he still wont talk to you about it then I would say find someone that will be happy about having children. If he is avoiding the question its because you dont want to hear what he will say. I hope things work out for you.Goodluck

Answer 10

If you seek to continue then base it on the decision that you are willing to give up having kids of your own. If you think you can make him change his Mind it could be possible that he would Give in, But i'd feel that somewhere along the way that would make for resentment and a miserable marriage if that truly isnt what he wants.
Good Luck