my 13 year old daughter is ?

Question

seeing an 18 year old boy i only just found out and my ex and i are going to talk to her this evening after school any ideas what we should say to her please no smart answers i'm worried about her i don't believe in hitting or violence of any nature we are also going to talk to the boy i know if we demand that he stay away from her they well only pull against us any honest serious help would be appreciated

i would like to thank you all for your kind words so far Rebecca is a very mature 13 year old i intend to take action im not a bad parent just one that has run into a problem that will be solved she is a good kid if a tad head strong problem is her body grew up before she was ready she knows all about sex and problems that come from it we have a very good relationship im sure we can sort this out without falling out

how can i pick a best answer you were all so kind ive had a lovely chat with my daughter and sorted evreything out she wont be seeing him again she decided herself that he is to old for her with all your help i talked to her thankyou all so very much from the bottom of my heart my little girl realises she is just that my little girl

Answer 1

I would tell her that it's not right for her to be seeing an 18 year old boy. Let her know that it is against the law. Tell her that there are plenty of great boys her own age and she needs to find someone younger. I wouldn't suggest you yelling at her. Be calm, communicate with her allow her to feel comfortable that way she'll trust you. But don't jump all down her throat. This will cause her to be defensive and she may start to hide things from you. Then call the boy and let HIM know that if he continues to act on this and persue your daughter, you'll have to infor the police of his actions. Because HE should know better not your daughter! She's just looking for attention and love, like most girls do at that age. HE is the adult and knows better!! Good luck!
Warn him first, don't just call the cops right away, give the boy a chance to make the right choice, if he doesn't make the right choice, then alert the cops.

Answer 2

Hi, this is such a difficult situation and i am not even sure it would be a good idea to tell her she is not seeing him. It will probably make it worse. But as for this young man, what is he thinking, he is legally a man and dating a child no matter how mature she is.

I think your husband has to have the biggest role in this. I know if it were our daughter my husband would be taking him to one side and telling him to stay clear or else, he's not violent, just very protective.

Maybe you and your daughter could go on a long shopping day out and be really close and tell her all the stories of sexually transmitted diseases and girls who have been taken advantage of in the past. Not saying she is having sex but it is always good to keep reminding them. Go and have coffee and retail therapy and have a great day and let her know you'd love to do it more often, she may then start to dwindle away from this young man. I would suggest your husband takes care of the other side of it while you were both out. I don't condone violence in anyway but he needs to let this man know he is her protector and she is his little girl and will be a a long while yet. It says alot about him spending his time with school girls at his age.

It sounds like you love your daughter very much and i'm not saying you don't spend time with her. Sometimes with everything going on in life you forget to really take time out and it can slip by without noticing it. Hope you get it sorted and good luck.

Answer 3

Best of luck to you and your ex while in conversation with your daughter. You can always try and explain to this young girl that he will be off at post secondary while she is still in high school and that he probably won't want to be associated with someone her age. I'm almost certain that she feels this is the fella that she will spend eternity with, as this is how young minds think. But try and inform her that she will have her heart broken more than once and that she will break many males hearts before she finds the right fella. As well this large of an age difference will lead to her using substances prior to her peers and doing things that she may regret later on. It is a very difficult situation that you have to deal with but trust me when I say that you are not the first, nor will you be the last to have to deal with such a situation. All in all remain supportive of your young daughter but let her know that you are both the parents and as such are making an adult decision and asking that she respect your wishes to stop seeing this male. Hopefully she will not pull away, I'm sure that she will be very angry with you both for a while but soon enough will, hopefully, realize that the decision you made was actually the best for her. Parenting these days is much more difficult than it was a couple of generations ago, but if you show support, love and respect to your children they will return it 10 fold somewhere down the line. It's getting to that point and the waiting that is so irritating. Once again best of luck with this situation.

Answer 4

Oh thats a hard one to tackle. As you already said if you go demanding she stay away it'll only get worse. Is she a mature 13 or not? is he a mature 18 or not?
I would suggest sitting and speaking to the 2 of them rationally and calmly (as hard as this maybe) ask him what his intentions are, do they intend to take their relationship to a sexual level and if so that would be against the law, do the reverse physcoligy the whole if you care that much about her that your willing to wait until shes 16 and legal we're ok with that, say you can do family stuff together and that when they go on their dates they are supervised , he'll soon get bored and think hell what am i letting myself in for or he could suprise you and say he loves her and want to wait until shes 16.
but also i know its hard due to the age they are at the moment but it is only 5 years so if she were 20 + he 25 would you be so concerned??

I would also speak about sex and contraception to her and explain how easy it is to get an std or get pregnant

also speak to your daughter ask why she is attracted to such an older man there could be a reason behind it.

All in all though i would say try be calm and remain open to your daughter as wouldn't you rather she fell ok with telling u whats going on than hiding it and it will all soon pass,

Answer 5

You could call the police and have him told to stay away!!you daughter might hate you fo a while!!

Or you could talk to them like adults and make sure the relationship is not going to go too far!!! In the end he will probably get fed up of your daughter in his own time and move on!! But try and let them deside that, then you ar not the bad one!!! You don't want to ruin your relationship with your daughter for something that might last another week. If you explain that the police will be called the minute you suspect anything like sex he might get scared and so running. . . . . . then your daughter miy realise he was after her for one thing!!! Good Luck xx

Answer 6

If as you say, they're seeing each other, things may be innocent. I think that you're right not to make a big issue about it, as it could make things worse. Do have a chat with her, perhaps asking if he'd like to come round. Really, it looks like you may have to try gently to find out the type of relationship that's going on, without making any accusations. You sound as if you'll instinctively say the right things and above all, keep the dialogue going with your daughter, so that she knows that she can trust you and talk to you.

Answer 7

Well, this is the perfect time to sit down and have an adult conversation with your daughter, not about the sex talk, but about the pro and con's about being with a guy older that she is. My advice to you is don't try to keep them apart because she will do it behind your back, just watch her very carefully and ask her to be honest with you about everything, explain to her that it does hurt you seeing her with that guy, be a friend and not her mother but let her know who is boss in a suttle way. Also talk to the boy and ask him about his intenstions he has with your daughter. If nothing works then the only thing you can do is to watch your daughter carefully and hopefully she will learn from her mistakes.
Teenagers will be rebelias because of the phase they go through.
Good luck.

Answer 8

Angel,

Speak to her of the Legal implications (he's 18 and she's not), speak to her of the learning curve that 5 years can make .... .and speak to her as to why would a much older boy be chasing after a young lady such as yours ...because the older girls can see him comming and run like hell.

He has choosen her and stroked her ego for the sole reason of steeling her goodies and running. Try to reassure her he's the bad guy here and shes the unsuspecting innocent.
If all else fails get the law envolved.... she may hate it...but your the parent and it's your job to say no candy before bedtime!

Good Luck!

Answer 9

If I Were you I would definetely talk to His parents! they need to have a serious talk with their son, what he is doing is definetely out of reason, he is risking going to jail and that is where you will send him if he continues to see your daughter, I would tell them that, with no ifs or buts.
Meanwhile, I would just tell them that what they're doing can have serious consequences which they may not understand right now but you love your daughter and you will do whatever necessary to protect her. If the kid is smart he'll know what you mean and stay away on his own will.

Answer 10

dear me yr daughter is 13,13years old yr the parent i also have a daughter of 13 and there is no way on gods earth i would allow this to happen you tell her straight she must not be seeing a boy of 18,you know yrself whats going to happen at 13 your daughter is far to young to see the dangers that lie here,go round and see his parents because if i found out my son was seeing a girl that young i would have a word and put a stop to it,ground her till she is 18 anyway,(joke)