I'm friendly with this guy who's roughly in the same social circle as me. He's sweet enough but he's incredibly boring to talk to (please no lectures on "give him a shot"--I have) and he calls my phone at inoppurtune times with inane chatter. Every time he calls I say something like, "Sorry, I'm a bit busy now" but he isn't getting the idea.
Also, when I bump into him at bars/clubs he'll cling to me all night and when I say, "Alright, I'm going to go find so-and-so" he insists on coming with me. Again, not really grasping the leave-me-alone vibe.
My question is this: Is there any tactful way at all to tell this guy that I don't wish to talk to him/hang out anymore? I don't want to hurt his feelings but I really don't see any other way to remedy this situation other than being brutally honest with him. Help!
PS: He's gay, so it's not that he has a crush on me.
2006-10-17 01:19:04 · 15 answers · asked by The fiercest: Jenny 6 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
So sorry you're facing this. I went through something similar last summer with a female friend, and still feel a bit guilty about it.
The best thing to do is be honest. Hints often don't work, and they end up being more hurtful than anything else. Explain to him that you feel the two of you have drifted apart in your interests, and you'd really prefer it if he found other people to hang out with. You can soften it by saying you think he's a nice guy, but you really don't have that much to talk about.
If you prefer to stick to hints (I did, but I think it created more hurt feelings), then stop answering his phone calls (caller ID rocks!), and don't return them, either. When you run into him at bars/clubs, instead of saying you have to go find [...], just say you have to go now, and don't say where you're going. If he starts to follow you, say "'Bye, have a good night." If he still insists on following you, say "Why don't you stay here? I don't need any help right now." Take it from there. Whatever you do, don't let him tag along any more (time for cold-turkey on the tag-alongs), and be as politely firm as you can.
Good luck.
2006-10-17 02:01:25 · answer #1 · answered by locolady98 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How can you say to an acquaintance or a friend that you don't want to be friends with them anymore...you just don't and can't and there is no tactful way to do so.
Talk to this person, tell him what bothers you maybe both of you can do something.
Otherwise, i know it's rude try to subtley avoid him, maybe he'll get the hint.
2006-10-17 08:49:09 · answer #2 · answered by firedragon_luver 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ouch! A boring gay! What in the hell happend to planet earth! Is hell frozen over? I would just tell him it was great seeing him that you are here to meet some people and take control of the conversation. Boring people straight and gay usually have no control over that. Be agressive with your tone and let it be known you have a plan and it doesn't involve them but it was great to see them.
2006-10-17 02:59:08 · answer #3 · answered by Karrien Sim Peters 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no other way, just simply tell him in with the kindest words you possibly can. If his feelings get hurt, oh well, you don't want to be his friend anyway. And that is his personal problem if you are not telling him in a nasty manner. Good luck and God bless
2006-10-17 02:50:48 · answer #4 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honestly there is no tactful way to brush someone off . especially if he is as lonely as he sounds. you could try introducing him to others and seeing if he clicks with someone else. you might be the only one who has not run him off yet. if it becomes unbearable tell him your personalities don't mesh and you need some breathing space. treat it like you were breaking up with him because in truth , you are.
2006-10-17 01:31:39 · answer #5 · answered by angel 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sadly, there is no tactful way to tell someone they're boring and you will undoubtedly end up feeling like a *****... but that's life.
2006-10-17 01:28:13 · answer #6 · answered by lou_cifer7 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was in the same shoes as you 11 yrs ago, and now he's become my Best Friend. He's been there for me for all these years. I miss him he lives in Northern Cali and I live in So. Cal., to add to it he's also HIV positive, so now I regret mistreating him when we first met. Trust me give him a chance, he might end up being your one true friend.
2006-10-17 07:37:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
No matter how you tell him, it will hurt him. Could you just try to avoid him and not answer his calls? Surely after awhile he will get the idea.
2006-10-17 01:28:18 · answer #8 · answered by sheeny 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately there is no other way to tell him but straight out. Just tell him to get out of your space and if you want here him roar, you'll rattle his cage. PUT AN END TO YOUR SUFFERING.
2006-10-18 11:49:13 · answer #9 · answered by Maw-Maw 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
just seem uninterested in his company and eventually he will get the hint. If not, give him examples of how you get irritated of boring gay people indirectly.
2006-10-17 01:46:03 · answer #10 · answered by randyvous75 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋