Hi everyone, I just broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years since I realized I wasn't happy with him. I have this friend that I met in college while we were both in a long term relationship, and when we met and became friends I bet he also thought "If only I were single...". Since I graduated from college I haven't seen him in a while and we never did go out (since we were both committed), but we are still in touch. The thing is we are incredibly alike, compatible, can talk for ages and I think we'd be perfect together. The catch is he told me in May he's engaged and the wedding is next April, he's been with his girlfriend since high school but I can tell their relationship is not great and they're getting married just because. Now that I'm single I'd like to test the waters and find out how he feels about me and if there is actually any future for us. What should I do? I want to do this right!!
Thanks for your help, SS82
2006-10-16 18:18:16 · 17 answers · asked by strawberryshortcake82 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I would tell him that you are now free, and give him some food for thought before he gets hitched, You obviously are sensitive to other peoples' feelings for wanting to do it right. You could let him know that it's a shame you left your run too late and wish you could have got together sooner. Don't come on heavy, just be sweet, but once he knows how you feel he may call off his wedding. If he doesn't, then just be a friend to them both, and accept the fact that he loves his wife. Someone else will come along. I can't help but feeling that if the chemistry between you earlier was that strong, why didn't you do something about your committments and get together? Hope it turns out well for you.
2006-10-16 18:31:57 · answer #1 · answered by Chatterbox 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If it was me, I wouldn't do anything unless I thought he was "the one". Especially since he is engaged to get married. Don't play with his feelings if you aren't even sure you want something serious with him. But be careful, since there is another woman involved. If you feel really strongly, call him and see if there is a possibility. The worse that can happen is you get a little embarrassed and he tells you he loves and wants to stay with his fiance. But RUN if he wants to have his cake and eat it too and see the both of you. . .that would not be cool. That would make you "the other woman". But really follow your heart and realize if this is just a lonely period of your life and you are looking back at what could have been. Perhaps you need to focus on the good in your life right now and work towards your future goals. . .if he isn't the one, the one will come when you least expect it and when you are ready for it. Perhaps it wasn't such a bad thing that you were both committed in college, he may not have been your "one". And if he is engaged to a woman and their relationship isn't what it should be. . .well, would you want a man like that in your life? If he isnt' being honest and passionate with his fiance, what makes you think he will be with you? Just some thoughts. But take your time and decide what course is best for you, now and in the long run.
2006-10-17 01:24:52 · answer #2 · answered by In God's Image 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Right for who? If you mean for the girlfriend we know that that wouldnt be right. These two are planning a wedding. They must be in love. And your wondering what you should do. Never once did you say he has any sort of feelings for you. Just that you get along with him. Your sure he wished that you had been single at the time you met . If that were true, and he really did want anything to do with u then why did he go ahead and get engaged.
You obviously are feeling a bit overwhelmed with this breakup with your BF. and are looking for someone to take his place. And we women always seem to enjoy the competiton of another woman. But this girl hasn't done a thing to deserve you breaking up their wedding. LAY OFF!!
2006-10-17 01:31:25 · answer #3 · answered by penelope 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi strawberry, i was once upon a time in this same dicey situation. Though we may love the guy and feel that he is the perfect one for us and although he may not be happy in his present relationship with another girl, i strongly feel that we should never make the first move and ask him or tell him that we love them. If he really loves you and wants to opt out of the relationship, he would have or will come of that relationship sooner or later. Just be patient and wait. It could be that your feeling for him will change if you happen to meet someone better. Thinks wisely and decide sweety. Bye
2006-10-17 01:34:38 · answer #4 · answered by Cutie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he likes you enuff to break his marriage with long term girlfriend .. fine!! but if he doesnot then i guess you will lose your face and also a great friend . If he loves his fiancee then i guess he will lose respect for you...
you can try to find out if you think there is nothing to lose....
Every relationship goes through ups n down..how can you be so sure that you too guys are so perfect for each other..??
Be careful in whatever you do because there is an another girl n her feelings are involved here , who might be unlike you two is totally in love ..
2006-10-17 01:36:07 · answer #5 · answered by hi 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First get really close with him and try to be like his best friend.Then make him trust to enough to be able to tell you personal things.Then ask him randomly so how is your relationship with your fiance.If he says something about not great or bad or something like that Try one of the 2 things:
1:Try to make their relationship worse(You may get the guy but you will make the girl sad)
2:Help them fix their relationship and make them happy(You won't get the guy but then you will be a bestfriend with those two and god will be proud of you)
There are way more guys out there.I thought i found the perfect girl for me but then she left the country.That night i was sad but then after a month i discovered more girls that are better than the other girl who left.If i was you i would choose number 2 and go discover.
2006-10-17 01:26:34 · answer #6 · answered by Andrew Y 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if i were you i would be very careful about this and also be smart about your actions, becacse you dont want to blow any chance you do have.I would just try spending little amounts of time with him so its not to obvious, test his relationship with her by asking questions and getting the answers you need to work in your favor. If he is a real man he wont be able to resist himself,i have a good example at my house..LOL try and drag it out untill january the latest if he dosent come around by then , then give him the cold shoulder and he should give you some insight of what he is up for.... hope it helps...
2006-10-17 01:31:25 · answer #7 · answered by nicole 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is tough water. Maybe you should meet with them both on a friends level and see if he looks at her with love in his eyes and that may give you the answer your looking for. Also if you were friends at college you may be mistaking the closeness of a friend with intimate feelings for him.
2006-10-17 01:27:00 · answer #8 · answered by determined26a 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd have a real heart to heart talk with him about why he is getting married. If you see an opening, tell him how you feel. If he is truly in love with his fiancee then be a great friend to him and ask him if he knows any great guys who are like him.
2006-10-17 01:23:39 · answer #9 · answered by NanD 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's not married yet but tread carefully here. Let him know that you have broken up with your long time BF and that one of the reasons is that you feel much more compatible with him. See what he says. Don't push it. Be prepared to be turned down and take it well.
2006-10-17 01:22:15 · answer #10 · answered by notyou311 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋