How do I make my 28 year old sister grow up?!?

Question

My sister is 28 years old and has never had a real job. She goes through average of 5 waitressing jobs a year because she gets fired for not showing up. Why does she not show up? She is obsessed with going to concerts. She goes all over the US and spends more then she makes going to concerts of bands she likes.

Right now she went to Detriot for a concert and ended up staying an extra week and doesn't have the money to get home now. Her dad already wired her $ for a plane ticket and she SPENT IT ON A HOTEL to stay longer! I'm not lending her money because the last time I lent her money for a bus ticket, she got a tattoo with the money.

She has been diagnosed bi-polar and has a tendancy to get depressed. But she can't go on like this! She has said she is going to try to get pregnant by the time she is 30, she can't even take care of her dog (who is at a friends house while she is still stuck in detriot) HOW DO I TELL HER TO GROW UP WITHOUT CUTTING OFF ALL TIES WITH HER?!

Answer 1

It's obvious you really care for your sister and thats great to see! You just want whats best for her. But sometimes people need to learn things forthemselves. Sometimes you could tell them things hundreds of times but they wont get it untill they are ready. Your sister seems like a free spirit with no concern or responsibility. Maybe she feels like she cant live up to the standard you have set. Maybe thats the reason why she has to pave her own path. The best thing you can do is to support her , no matter how hard things get (e.g she gets pregnent). Although you may never realise how grateful she is to have you as a sister .. believe me she is. Do not give her money to feed her band addiction .. but give freely of your time and energy.

Best of luck! Keep going no matter how hard things get ... she is really lucky to have a sister looking out for her!

Answer 2

Many families have dependent freeloaders..lots of funny stories arise as we accept that they are what they are, real characters, You can't make your sister grow up. You are fortunate that she works at all. You are blessed if she's not a substance abuser and self destructive. I worked very hard for 30 years in minimum wage jobs and I do feel a bitterness when I see the crowd that never did pay their own way rushing off to the pub or bar for beer and talk and fun while I get to be boring a workaholic etc. and I really can't afford it..just different
Remember.we ARE all different..and I have rights..you have rights..you have a right to say no to anything that might hurt you. No is a complete sentence. You can say no to your sister and still keep in touch.
You can't change them- the others either..like your Dad- from sending money
but you can read on various websites managing difficult relationships. Use a search engine and surf.
My favourite prayer at least worn most often..
the serenity prayer.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannott change the courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Answer 3

Just tell her to grow up and don't bail her out when she screws up. She might end up homeless but don't take her in. She might try to kill herself but don't do anything beyond calling 911. If she has a baby and doesn't care for it, report it. It might seem harsh but babying her will only hurt you both.

I should know. I'm 39 years old and bipolar. My mother bailed me out last year after a very bad car accident, divorce and suicide attempt. Moving in with mom was probably the worst thing I ever did. I have recovered fully recovered from my accident with minimal brain injury and minor hearing loss but I still haven't found a good job. I can't afford to live on my own so I'm going to buy an old trailer from my mother and pretend like I'm a real adult. I will never be able to have kids because no man wants a crazy lady who can't support herself. I would be better off if she had just left me to sink or swim on my own.

BTW, not all bipolar people use drugs. I don't use anything stronger than caffeine but I act like I'm on drugs. When I was on medication it was even worse. I had to keep getting drug tests and explaining to work that the glazed look in my eyes was legal.

Answer 4

You sound like a good sister and somehow I would predict that you have told her to grow up nicely and sometimes not nicely but that never seems to change anything.

You seem to have taken a parental role with your sister and as a parent I can definitely relate but the truth of the matter is you can not make her grow up.

Love her, do not enable her, make her be accountable for her own actions and if you are a praying person - pray.

I was just sitting here thinking of one of my daughters and the serenity prayer. Change what you can, accept what you can't and the wisdom to know the difference.

Good Luck.

Answer 5

Does she have significant social impairment? You point out that she scares ability dates off, has she dated interior the previous? Does she have friends? She looks like she might have Asperger's Syndrome. She does not sound like a jerk, yet she might desire to no longer be able to examine different human beings's physique language to appreciate what to anticipate from them. has she constantly been like this? And if so, has anybody talked to her at present approximately her communique skills? the terrific undertaking to do is communicate very directly to her. Nonverbal tricks are invisible or misunderstood by ability of a good extensive style human beings. that's no longer that we forget approximately it or do no longer care, that's that we do exactly no longer see it. i ask your self why she has long previous on for this some years devoid of anybody announcing something to her?

Answer 6

Tell her that you love her but dont trust her by giving her money. Tell her whenever she needs your advise, you will always be there to sincerly advise her.
Currently her mental switch is OFF and may be you are not the right person to turn it ON. First try to find out through her friends or her boy friends which is THE THING which will turn on the switch and try to find a mentor friend who can really help her.
I hope this will help

Answer 7

Well as long as she is not terminally ill and IS able to work then I don't think you have any real financial obligations. As long as she has people bailing her out she will continue to take advantage of them. I know it's hard to let someone you love hit rock bottom but that may be where she needs to go before she'll realize that she must start living responsibly.

Answer 8

i sympathize with you--my son-whom i love dearly-is 21-almost 22-he is not bi-polar but he does take meds for anxiety and depression. he works in retail-home improvement store--he is well liked at work and does a great job according to his managers--but he did the same thing your sister does-called out alot for ridiculous reasons--was 2years ago when he first got this job--but because they did like his work--the rehired him last month and he is doing much better--but he still does require pep talks about responsibility--i know its difficult-but your sister sounds like she could use some professional help-which is what my son periodically does--good luck--hope this helps!

Answer 9

You can't. You just have to let her get burned by her lifestyle, and hope to whatever deity you believe that she doesn't get herself knocked up and bring a child into the mess. My sister is very similar to yours, she doesn't work, she won't take care of her responsibilities, and she expects others to bail her out. You need to just give her the cold shoulder until she realizes she's destroying herself. You can strongly enocourage her to get treatment for her mental problems, but ultimately it's up to her. All you can do is try not to get wound up in it.

Answer 10

Sadly, you can't "make" anyone do anything. Sometimes when people are out of control the people who love them and are trying to help are actually enabling them. You're right in not sending her money. If people stop bailing her out when she's stuck then maybe she'll eventually quit getting herself in situations she can't get out of. Good luck...my brother is sorta the same way. It's so hard not to get mad, but it's their life...I completely sympathize with you.