How can I get over my fear of sex?

Question

I am 20 and was in a relationship for 5 years with a very loving, perfect guy who is still my best friend.

He never forced me to have sex with him, which caused some minor problems in the relationship.

I was touched/molested as a kid, so I don't want sex. I dislike physical contact and anything sexual and I have trouble expressing affection physically. The only real touching I enjoy is hugging, not even kissing. I generally have an outgoing personality, I'm pretty social, and I joke a lot, so basically it's not evident in my personality. However, when it comes to close intimacy-especially physical, I'm crap at it

How can I get over it? I'm already 20 and have loved a guy before who treated me like a princess yet I didn't have sex with him because I didn't want it.

Serious advice please? I don't really want to be unconscious when I lose it...

Answer 1

First of all talk to the guy, explain what you are going through. If he is worth it he will understand. If he doesn't and leaves you, let him - he ain't worth it.

Second of all, you should seek counselling. If anything from your past prevents you from enjoying your future (or present) it would be best to deal with it with professional help.

Beyond that - walk, don't run.

Answer 2

I'd recommend that you get therapy. Search for a friendly and well-qualified psychologist or psychiatrist in your area. Meet them and get to know them a bit before getting into the whole story of your past. If the first isn't a good fit, search until you find someone you are comfortable talking to. While I've not had your experiences, and I congratulate you on your search to find the answer, I do recommend that you seek professional help so that you can make the best of any future relationships. Good luck to you and I wish you the best.

Answer 3

It's completely natural to have the feelings you have considering your circumstance. It's probably hard to trust someone enought to let them get that close to you. Have you gone to a psych doctor to discuss the feelings you have? Until you face your fears, you will be controlled by them. You must be able to let yourself accept the feelings for your boyfriend, and allow yourself to trust his love.

You are still young, and have many years to help resolve this problem. Be strong, and remember not everyone is out to hurt you the way you were as a kid. Speaking to someone and releasing the feelings associated with the molestation is the first step to reclaiming your life. My thoughts are with you, I hope all works out well.

Answer 4

maybe you might have to go to a psychologist or talk to someone that can give you the best advice. usually the only way to get over it is to talk to other people with the same situation and discuss how they went through it. sex is a good feeling and you don't want to block that away from a past event. you need to be strong on your feelings and memories so that you don't look at this as a problem.

Answer 5

Please pass to therapy. Your tension is a few thing you are able to recover from in case you attempt. You owe it to your self. And while you're engaged to be married that's no longer okay to be cheating along with your fiance--You 2 could have have confidence and openness between you. while you're apprehensive approximately some thing, you should be able to speak to somebody approximately it. no one is going to think of much less of you for having fears, notwithstanding in the event that they're irrational. And confident! confident! the only thank you to appreciate in case you have HIV or no longer is to get examined for it. you're able to do it, i've got self belief in you. in case you have early existence trauma which you would be able to no longer keep in mind each and every of the final factors of, then you extremely in all probability understand a thank you to disassociate. each and every now and then I nonetheless try this on objective to get out of tension. once you're walking into the wide-unfold practitioner's place of work, sitting down, preparing for the attempt.. do no longer think of approximately what you're doing. Be someplace else. pay interest to the motions you're dealing with yet do no longer think of approximately why you're doing them. it rather is going to be over rapidly after which you will understand for advantageous. you are able to desire to end all your tension in purely a couple of minutes. And in case you do have HIV, there are help communities and help for that. None of this could end your existence. P.S. you're no longer an fool for having unprotected intercourse. ask your self whether it became your determination or in case you have been coerced into it. notwithstanding if it became the former you're nonetheless no longer an fool.

Answer 6

In my opinion, the problem you have is not a fear of sex, but you being persistent on not letting go of the past.

I know this might sound Christian, but you can only make yourself a much better person if you forgive others for the things they have done to you, and live for now, not the past. I'm assuming you're still holding grudges against that person who harmed you, but by holding that grudge you're only hurting yourself (believe it or not).

Remember, letting go of the past is the key!

Answer 7

Go see a therapist. Obviously being molestated as a child is having lasting effects on you. Only psychololgists and therapists can help you confront your problems/issues with being touched.

Answer 8

Make the bedroom gorgeous and comfy with candles and flowers everywhere. And tell him to take it slow. You should be fine.




Im very sorry for what happend to you in the past but sex tends to be very important in a relationship. But he obviously loves you very much so i think itll turn out perfectly


but if its still to hard. see help. ( counsler, therapist)

Answer 9

It really sounds like you need to talk to someone about this. You have had some very serious things happen to you, and I think you need to be able to talk with someone to work it through with you. Good luck.

Answer 10

Talk to your boyfriend and tell him that you need to ease into it. Go slow you don't have to go quickly. Take it in steps and then one night make it special make a night of it have dinner, watch a movie get comfortable, and take it slow...