I'm a bad writer. Can you help me? Please? Read it, rate it, and please edit it. It's a rough draft?

Question

Some of us go to church on Sunday, acknowledge our deities, then walk out the door and get on with a Godless routine. Despite the extraordinary representations that we claim are factual from reading holy texts about spiritual beings, a heavenly realm, and the imminent resurrection of the dead, why do we resume our impermissible acts? Many of us reflect upon our deeds with karma, the implications of an afterlife. We ponder the existence of Hell yet fail to maintain our devoutness. In general, sins are perceived merely as mistakes which should be quickly repented. But it’s more critical than this, I believe that our faithfulness to the religion tests the capacity of our conviction. Do we really believe in God? If so, why do we repeatedly challenge our religious morals, knowing the serious consequences? And what could be more serious than the outcome of our everlasting fate? Why cling to some saintly noble premise with either blindness or wavering strength when you can just dive into fun and pleasure? I think most deists avoid the thoughts that rebel and adhere something others believe in so they don’t feel lost and unruly because generally atheists are misinterpreted into being disloyal. Unfortunately, some deists are forced to adapt to these conventional notions and myths because they are born into that religion and not because they chose it based on research and exploration. I was born into a moderately religious Muslim family. Growing up with the immediate Islamic customs and traditions, I was blindfolded from the agnostic thoughts that questioned the existence of supernatural forces and mythical illusions that were extremely accentuated. This brought me to a conclusion of what is right and what is wrong. If I opposed my religion, I felt I was doing it in an attempt to escape responsibility for my actions, satisfy the inner devil and disregard Intelligent Design. However, if I accepted it then I was defying the entire theory of Evolution and the laws of natural selection. Apparently both are controversial but I felt like science was more reliable since it was evaluated through experimentation rather than hollow myths. The best evidence that there probably isn't a God is that belief in God is so deeply culturally embedded. When we study world religions, it's obvious that, throughout time, all of these different people are making up their own stories about God. But no one can equally prove that Satan is fiction. The Christian god may exist; so may the gods of Olympus, or of ancient Egypt, or of Babylon. But no one of these hypotheses is more probable than any other. They lie outside the region of even probable knowledge, and therefore there is no reason to consider any of them. He who asserts must prove, and so unless the deist can offer some convincing argument for God’s existence, I will be justified in Agnosticism. Now, I don’t want to make this a personal rambling but I feel like many students can connect. Religion isn't that big a concern in our society and I believe most Americans are “functionally” atheists. I was at a tough time in my life when I was looking for God or something to tell me where to go. I tried to find it through science and knowledge. I figured religion and science are one in the same. That the truth is in partly, at least, what we see and experience through science so religion in no way should conflict with it while keeping it's integrity. But I wanted to believe so much that at least the Quran and the Abrahamic religions could be partly right that I tried with all my brains to have it all converge into one beautiful meaning, and you know what, it came to make more sense than I thought it would. I can convince myself there is a God through my own findings the past couple of years. But with all the contradictions in all religions, I could never convince myself that they're a hundred percent right. And that's what I failed at. Maybe I'm failing because I'm looking for that hundred percent. I feel much better being religion-less than having one. I feel free, yet I know right from wrong. When I do something good, I feel good; when I do something bad, I feel bad. That’s my religion. However, to some extent, I maintain Islamic customs to keep my parents satisfied. I felt more angered the years I believed in a God that's ready to smite me for accidentally saying a curse word in my mind that is blasphemous, than I did in the years I didn't know of a God. Not that I'm an atheist, or against religion. It's just when you're back in a corner and feeling threatened to be a certain way or else you will pay with your soul, you feel even more stressed and angered in your life. Think about it. If someone is there standing over you and ready to smite you for a screw up and roast your soul for eternity if you fail, I'm one of those where I'm going to feel more pressured and if the whole deal is to play nice and be happy, then it's counter-productive. I just don't believe in Heaven and Hell anymore, believe me, I've tried. I think most people who claim this principle do it because they’re culturally adapted to it. I don’t think anyone would incessantly sin and decrease their chances of ending up in Heaven if they truly had faith. They are just scared to admit it. True faith only begins when we erase doubt, everyone is doubtful because everything is based on human assumptions. If we cannot comprehend God, then how can we reason with any confidence concerning his existence? It’s easy to say a God exists, but do we really believe?

Answer 1

Maybe you can make it shorter? It's kinda long!

Answer 2

First , I want to tell you , that you are a very good writer, I dare say even gifted, as I felt every thing that you said. I took the time to read your lengthy question, and I hope that you will afford me the same. I so understand and feel where you are coming from. I was raised from birth to about 9 without any religion, and then my mother became a Christian. She was raised a Catholic, but turned to a more fundamental scriptural Christianity. I went to SUnday School and Church and even a Christian School. Unfortunately it was a school that was very legalistic and harsh and condemning. So unbeknownst to me , this set the tone for how I viewed Godliness, Christian living, holiness etc. In Short, I never measured up. I always felt on the wrong side of righteousness.
Many years later, floating barely along in the faith, I came to a real faith. And I just want to say , that I did attend public school and learned evolution just like everyone else, but I came to a REAL faith, on my own. Yes there were certain biblical teachers that I listened to, who did not preach at me , but TAUGHT me. I fineally realized the freedom I had in my faith, and that the way it was in "Christian School" was not necessarily the right thing. But I married a man who was agnostic after spending a life time in the Catholic church and could not find any rational intelligence in it. The rituals the customs, the hypocrisy, the traditions that superceded the scriptures.
I just want to say, that because of this , I studied, I read every book I could on evolution vs. creation. I truly from the depths of what I consider an intelligent soul could only come to the conclusion of a creator. Evolution is a huge topic and I wont go into it here, but believe me, if you knew all the evidence against evolution, that the scientists don't tell you, you would decide to re-examine. But what I have come to know, is that I do not fit in with the ANY church group. I know I should, but I don't. I only know that I read the bible, and have faith, and what lets me sleep at night is that I know that the GOd who created me is the only one in the entire universe that knows me!! I sin, I sin, I sin, and I am not scared to admit it, but the glorious thing is that I don't WANT to sin. Thats the difference. I hate it. If you love your sin thats when you have difficulty, but I CAN comprehend GOd and I pray and I get true PHYSICAL release from anxiety about my eternity. HE KNOWS ME! I love the people who can truly live righteious lives, and admire them, but I can only say that they have been gifted with a greater measure of faith and perseverance than I, but I feel God's presence and have security in my eternal salvation. So, yes I sin, but I also really believe. I am not brainwashed, or following custom, I just really and truly believe that God made me, uniquely and knows me and knows what I do and what I am capable of. If he says there is only one way, then I believe it.
You may email me @ [e-mail]. If that doesnt work, try [e-mail]

You are an excellent writer, and you made me really think and feel and thats what writing is all about.

Answer 3

I wouldn't mind editing it if your narrative was in a better format, such as paragraphs that break up the lengthy creation.

Yours is a personal reflection on the topic of religion--not a short story. I recommend that you join a writer's forum that freely edits literary works among its members. One such forum is:
[e-mail].

This narrative of yours serves best as input to your biography for now.