My mother-in-law is always giving me career advice! I am a stay-at-home mom to three..and she really wants me to work. Firstly, it's none of her business. Secondly, has she seen how much child care costs? (Mind you..she hasn't offered to watch the children while I work...)
When I came to her house to visit the other day she had the newspaper help wanted section open..and had a job chosen for me! Help...how should I diplomatically handle this?
2006-10-16 16:13:59 · 12 answers · asked by Toolooroo 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
tell her as rudely as you can to mind her own bizness
2006-10-16 16:20:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
My guess is that she may have wished she worked while her kids were young. OR she's resentful that she had to work when her kids were young, so instead of letting it go, she chooses to think of you as "spoiled". OR she has some reason to worry that her son is being "taken advantage of" for a reason that has only to do with her.
I'd start out by asking my husband what he believes is motivating his mother to do this. He may have some insight into situations from when he was young. If he believes she doesn't have a cause to give you career advice, perhaps he should talk to her. She might take it better from her son.
Overall, she's got some belief around you working that she may not even be aware of now. If you've asked her why she does this, perhaps it will get her thinking. Let her know you and your husband are happy with the current arrangements (hearing it from his directly would help), and while she may not understand your choice you hope she will respect it.
The choice to be a stay-at-home mom is one that people usually have very strong feelings and opinions about. You may not be able to change her mind, but hopefully you can get some understanding and she can learn to accept (maybe even trust) your choices.
2006-10-16 16:28:36 · answer #2 · answered by katnkaboodle 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Never mind the snide remarks - they'll just fly over her head and she'll will probably accuse of you being ungrateful! You're right, though, about child care costs being costly! And for 3 kids you would be working just to pay for child care - never mind the money you'll need to buy clothes for work or the gas you'll spend traveling to day care, your job and home or the money you'll be spending on lunch every day. Next time you see her, be prepared with some facts. Find out how much child care will cost and ask her if she would be willing to watch the kids so your paycheck won't all go to child care. Then, if your kids are in school, tell her you will need for her to be at your house by 7:00 a.m. so she can take the kids to school, because you'll probably be leaving for work before the kids get up and then she'll need to pick up the kids from school. And to really help you out, can she run your errands for you, you know clean the house, go to the cleaners, go grocery shopping, so that you can rush home to make supper, clean up the kitchen afterwards and then wash clothes and get the kids ready for the next day. In my opinion, you have the hardest job already and get very little compensation for it. I was a stay at home mom for 9 years until the youngest of my 2 sons went to school. I would never trade that time I had with them for any of the material things we sometimes wished we had. Luckily, my mom was availabe to provide child care for the boys when they came home from school for a few hours until we got home. I don't know if I could have done it without her help!!
2006-10-16 16:39:51 · answer #3 · answered by Sara 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
us m-n-laws can be a little pushy, *smiling*, when it comes to our families, but, to have the adds open ? not even I would push that hard.... ok, you may just have to sit down, look her in the eye and tell her that working is a NO GO at this time... that you and hubby have talked about it and it is just NOT fesible at this time, with the cost of day care and gas and taxes, it would throw you into a higher bracket !!! make your list as to why working would not work, work it out in your head, take a deap breath and with respect just lay it on the line.... I never minded if the girls told me off just a tad, as long as it was done with respect and with a true sense of self respect and respect for their own little growing family !!!! or also, if you and hubby have talked about it, then you and hubby also need to be a team when it comes to talking to mom... are you sure hubby is giving her the same story you are ?? just asking !!!!! God bless
2006-10-16 16:27:53 · answer #4 · answered by Annie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could either make a snide remark about how you are a working mom, just her son chooses to pay you in the bedroom instead of with cash - maybe that would embarrass her and shut her up. Or you could ask her why it's so important for her to see you work outside the home. Maybe she thinks she's being helpful or something. Then, if you're not looking for work outside the home, tell her thanks for her concern and help but you're not looking for a job. Tell her when you decide to she'll be the first person you call but until then you're not interested.
Maybe the direct route will work with her.
2006-10-16 16:20:14 · answer #5 · answered by Girl named Sue 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I know what that is like try living with her. Tell her the truth in a nice way you like you are in your life right now. Or you simile can't work cause of child care cost would just take the money right out of your and husband hand so you feel it is best to just stay put.
2006-10-16 17:25:46 · answer #6 · answered by tasha 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I assume you have small children. Politely but firmly tell her that maybe when your children are older you may consider working outside of the home, but right now you and your husband feel it is in the best interest of your children that you be a stay-at-home mom. You are not obligated to explain any further. She should consider her grandchildren lucky that they are able to have their mother home. Many families aren't able to afford that.
2006-10-16 16:26:55 · answer #7 · answered by Patricia S 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think I know how you feel as I'm living with my mother in law at the moment. It is frustrating at times when you somehow get sort of overruled in making decisions about your own life.
I think the best approach should be telling her personally how you feel about the situation. That you and your husband is happy with the way things are and it is working fine for you (and YOUR family).
Good Luck!
2006-10-16 16:25:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I applaud you for staying home with your children. Many mothers don't have this option. You can thank her for wanting the best for you but tell her that you and your husband have decided that right now it's best for all concerned to be a stay-at-home mom.
2006-10-17 03:40:48 · answer #9 · answered by missingora 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ask her in a nice voice. "Please refrain from thinking I need to tear my hair out by having a meaningless job, I'm quite happy as things are" if she continues...interrupt her with a stern "Thank you. I know you mean well, but this is quite enough" and then leave the room. You must set your foot down.
2006-10-16 16:17:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to be firm with her. Tell her directly, no beating around the bush, that you (and your husband if this applies to you) are happy with you being a SAHM and no one else has any opinion.
2006-10-16 16:29:53 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋