I moved to a new town about three months ago and didn't know anyone. I started dating a guy I liked about two months ago. He told me he was looking for a LTR. For the first month, I was dating other people too. Then we started having sex. I asked him if he was dating other people & he said no so I stopped dating other people too (which I had been doing). He is very busy & I only see him about once a week. He calls me a lot & acts like he likes me when we are together. He says he likes me & has even said he missed me when we were not together once. The problem is he never makes plans and if we do see each other it is usually watching t.v or a movie then having sex. If we go anywhere, it's cuz I ask HIM and is very rare. Yet he still makes plans and goes to dinner, TO a movie, and stuff like that with his friends. How come he can go out with his friends and not me? And if he wants to spend time with his friends (which is understandable) how come he never includes me too?
2006-10-16 16:05:44 · 15 answers · asked by Erin M 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I should add that the friend he spends the most time with (other than work-related thinsg) is a friend he met about a year ago through his ex-girlfriend. They broke up about eight months ago. He has been honest with me about this so I don't feel as though he is trying to hide anything. Do you think this has anything to do with why he doesn't include me in the plans?
2006-10-16 16:26:49 · update #1
Sorry to say, but it sounds like everyone agrees on this one. You do teach people how to treat you. The good news is you can unteach them. Stop having sex and always being available. Let him leave a few messages. Don't go to his house again until he makes plans with you and follows through on them, at least a few times. If he asks what is up, tell him you are looking for more. If you want to date others do so, but don't rush in to anything. Your expectations are not too high, you just have to play harder to get.
2006-10-17 10:36:23 · answer #1 · answered by Courtney O 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Two months into the relationship he should still be seeing stars if he loves you. Is he reluctant to go out places with you when you ask? If so, he may be trying to use you as booty call status. If you have needs in the relationship not being met, you need to express them. Yes it's fine if he has outings with just his other friends, but he should either include you some of the time or cut a few of the friends outings for outings with you.
One very nice way to get his attention real fast is to start going out with some "guy friends" on a regular basis. See how he will react to that one. hehe
Aloha
2006-10-16 16:21:23 · answer #2 · answered by Genji_77 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl I know just what your talking about and trust me get out of this fiasco now! He's not LTR material and I don't care what you think the man definitley is hiding something...that's you. Yeah you are a booty call and he's all good with that. Let him call and speak to the answering machine. Don't be available, let him wonder and yes do date others until you meet someone that meets your standards, but I suggest your set some realistic ones first or you'll find yourself right back where you are now. Good luck snookims...
2006-10-16 16:39:39 · answer #3 · answered by Goodie66 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really like the guy. I know it can be hard to do, ask him what is going on? Does he talk about money? If he doesn't have the money to spend. When he goes out with his friiends he could save some of the money to take you out. Buy tickets ahead of time, on a movie you know he likes. If you think he is proud to accept the ticket or he says he is, let him think you were given the tickets or you won them somehow. If he accepts, the next movie he can pay. If he turns it down, you are his booty call. Dump him, it will be healthy for him, he will know he cannot use you and he is not as hot as he thinks he is.
2006-10-16 16:52:03 · answer #4 · answered by maria r 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My guess is, it's a little of both. He should make plans. Maybe he does and keeps the plans tohimself. Maybe he tells you his plans, but asking what you want to do, and then doing it? That would be an indication, that you want to do the same thing he wants to do, with out realizing it. On the same token, he should go out with you, more. And he should include you, unless he and his friends go to men only clubs or to bars and flirt. Maybe it's time you dump him, and find another guy (even if it means coming to me.).
2006-10-16 16:10:10 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Baby - you got a guy trying to keep you under the covers. He likes the sex but he doesn't want others to know you exist. Most men at this stage in a relationship want to show a woman off. He doesn't...hmm. I wonder whom he is afraid might see you or hear about you? Bag the phone - whoopie. He could call you from the kitchen and his bedroom wouldn't know.
2006-10-16 16:10:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am sorry to say sweetie, but to me it sounds like you are a booty call whenever he wants. that sounds really harsh, but he doesnt want to hang out with you and he never books anything to do. i think he kinda likes you just as a sex partner, there might be no connection between you guys except in the bedroom. you will know if there is a spark or not, trust your gut instinct.
2006-10-16 16:13:10 · answer #7 · answered by JennyJen91 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Start dating other people. Dont tie yourself down to someone like that. Maybe he just doesnt want his friends to know, that yall are dating, and who knows what he has told his friends if he doesnt invite you. Stop having sex with him! See what happens then. Tell him he can start taking you out. Tell him if he wants sex, then he has to start working for it!
2006-10-16 16:11:09 · answer #8 · answered by sparky_butt 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People treat you the way you teach them to.
I don't know if you would call it "using" but I would definately call it being taken for granted.
By the way, What's an "LTR"?
2006-10-16 16:11:35 · answer #9 · answered by No More 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like he's using you for sex, and keeping his options open by spending the majority of his time out on the town with out you.
2006-10-16 16:10:47 · answer #10 · answered by gypse76 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋