he told me today that he doesnt love me, that he never wanted to marry me and that he only stayed with me this long because I love him so much that he never wanted to hurt me? Yet he cant give me a reason why. He says I am the best person he has ever met and that no one could love him the way that I have but he doesnt love me but cares for me and wants to take care of me... and I just cant understand why. We have been married for six years, and I have always been faithful, and did everything I could for him, I thought we had the perfect marriage.He says he never wanted to hurt me because of all the pain he has put me through in the past. and that he would take care of me and we didnt have to get a divorce but I cant stay knowing he doesnt love me anymore. I told him that I didnt need him and that I hope he could find happiness even if it wasnt with me Im so devastated right now.Where did we go wrong? Ive never given him a reason not to love me? Whats going on in his head?Help me please
2006-10-16 15:51:56 · 21 answers · asked by beautifullybroken 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I love him so much, but I cant be with him if he doesnt feel the same about me. I feel like dying, why did he tell me now, why put me through four years of pain when it was all for nothing. I feel so used and discarded.
2006-10-16 15:53:29 · update #1
the first two years of our marriage were not great but for four years now he has been questioning himself and I dont think he knows what he wants
2006-10-16 15:54:33 · update #2
how could I be so effin stupid and naive, I wanted to believe that he loved me. What went wrong?
2006-10-16 15:55:30 · update #3
What went wrong? He married someone he didn't love, that's what went wrong. He has placed you both in an awful situation because he didn't have enough spine to say I am sorry but I just don't feel that way about you. It sucks but you both need to move on and divorce should be enacted. Loveless marriage is not the answer to this. You are just sitting there spinning your tyres and going nowhere. Move on. Luckily it is not an extensive amount of time that you two have been doing this, there is a lot of time left to live so go for it.
2006-10-16 16:15:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not that any answer is going to help, but....
It may very well could be that he is telling you the truth, but only in a surface way. Simply put, he may have married you for the wrong reasons (leaving you would hurt you) and not even know at the time that's what he's doing.
However, people in relationships (especially marriages) don't just up and leave for no reason; something's making it easier for him now than it might have before, and that usually spells another person.
You could try and rectify this, but even if you get him back, I'd go to counseling, help him to open up about his feelings and stand on them instead of being so wishy washy that he would get married just to avoid the pain of a break up.
2006-10-16 15:58:12 · answer #2 · answered by You'll Never Outfox the Fox 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
to "not love anymore", one has never loved at all. you didn't do nothing wrong. he's wrong for leading you on for as long as he did. for him to up and tell you the things he did - it's for a reason. so what is the reason? it must be serious for him to keep it from you. he's either afraid or ashamed. there may be severe consequences should this, reason, be exposed. honey, don't feel like you did something wrong or ponder on something you could have/should have done. you can't fix something that's not broken, per say. to put it in another perspective, he told you these things for a reason. everything happens for a reason, whether it's good or bad. you had to have heard that saying: when you love something, set it free and if it comes back to you it was meant to be. hell, you may be better off without him irregardless of how much it hurts. was he the first man you ever met? do you think he'll be the last? from the way you described yourself, sounds to me there isn't a dam thing wrong with you - and common sense has to tell you, that someone out there would appreciate that; person like you. you're being a good woman to the wrong man. you deserve better and its up to you to realize that. take that as a sign honey and press on. you work? keep working girl. make that money. take care of yourself 'cause people notice when your not. and keep a good attitude towards life 'cause that too, rubs off on those around you. you draw others to you with that kind of mentality. nobody wants to be around anyone that has a constant bad attutude. know what I mean? life throws us many difficult variety of lessons and it's not the problems we have; it's what we do about them. so how much more of this heartache can you actually take? that question, my dear... only you can answer. do what's right for you. it's time you made yourself happy. There is another saying you may have heard: "Let go and Let God" Good luck to you.
2006-10-16 16:10:24 · answer #3 · answered by apache_lizz 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well at least yours was only 6 years mine was 14. He more then likely met someone else. And just is making an excuse to make himself feel better. you will never really no why, but you will be okay. It will be a rough road for a while but you will make it. Then you will meet someone that will love you for who you are. That is what you deserve. That is coming from personal experience
Honey you are not stupid, he is. He does not realize what he had. He will find out that the grass is not greener on the other side.
2006-10-16 15:57:05 · answer #4 · answered by Right Wing Extremist 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think he DOES care about you, but it sounds like he loves you as a friend rather than a life partner. That's sad, really. You probably really, truly haven't done ANYTHING wrong. Sometimes that romantic attachment is there, and sometimes it doesn't develop, or it fades. I know it's really hard when there is no reason...no bad event or infidelity to blame it on because you're stuck in limbo, with no answers.
I'm going to give you some advice that won't fix anything, but it will make you feel better. Get a candle and some music. Shut all the lights off, get a glass of wine...light the candle and sit in the middle of your floor, listening to music and BAWL YOUR HEAD OFF! I mean it! Trust me, you need to grieve and get rid of the frustration. It can work miracles! Good luck, and hang in there. It WILL get better.
2006-10-16 15:58:10 · answer #5 · answered by Lisa E 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he has changed not you. Maybe he never did know what he wanted and thought it was you. Could also be that he has grown apart from you and your interests. Or the chemistry he used to feel for you has changed. Could be many reasons. You don't say how old he is either. Maybe he is stressed or has a girlfriend or is going through male menopause. Don't beat yourself up, you sound like a wonderful person. Let him go and move on with your life, accept that he wants to take care of you. Many men want to make their wives lives living hell when they fall out of love. Count yourself lucky he wants to keep on looking after you.
2006-10-16 16:18:52 · answer #6 · answered by elanabutcher 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have wanted to tell my husband the same thing before, but I never had the balls to say it, I had my eyes on someone new, I wanted to be free to do what I wanted, but we had a child, that's a big part of me staying with him, maybe that is what he is thinking as well, if he don't want to be with you, then he isn't your soul mate, and that means that your soul mate is still out there and you need to find him, good luck, and keep your head up, and the first person up there who said you must of been a lousy lay, is a dumb a s s !!!!!!!! they are probably like 12 years old too.
2006-10-16 16:45:12 · answer #7 · answered by missouri girl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all he told you he did not love you and he stayed with you because he did not want to hurt you. when some one does not love you it is hard to accept the truth. he is not a bad person for being honest-- and there is nothing wrong with you, but you have to let go people fall out of love,it's nothing you did wrong it just happened. yes get a divorce and get on with your life you will hurt for awhile and it will feel like a death but you may find some one who really really loves you.
2006-10-16 16:03:16 · answer #8 · answered by whisper 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to understand that his not loving you has nothing to do with you doing anything wrong. You did nothing wrong. Love is from within, if he does not have it for you honey please thank him for not wasting more of your life. This pain that has overwhelmed you right now, that seems will never go away will. You will heal and move forward. But do not blame yourself. Love true love is deep within us. Maybe at first he confused love for care for you. He should be thanked for being open honest and direct. I am sorry your in pain and hurting but we are the the cause of another person not loving us. We cannot make one love us and nothing we do can push them into loving us. Again you did nothing wrong.
2006-10-16 15:56:22 · answer #9 · answered by chattylady47150 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You can not request love, you just receive it and that's it. If you really think he is honest in this moment and he really doesnt love, there is no real reason you should stay with him like this... just let him go.... in my country they say "if this is yours, let it go, if it was really yours he'll come back and if it doesnt come back it never belonged to you" Sound hard but is true. Maybe you're suffering right now, but let time do its job. You'll find somebody else, someone who really cares and loves you as you deserve.
2006-10-16 16:01:18 · answer #10 · answered by ∂ιαиα †Matisyahu† 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋