My boyfriend and I argued yesterday, we argued about how all of the sudden he wants to hang out wit his cousins ad friends without me being there. It's weird because for about the past two years we've been together, we always go otu everywhnere together. And all of the sudden he wants to ahve his own space which is hard for me to accept, ebcause i basically gave up most of my friends for him and im so use to being everywhere with him. i try going out with my friends but i always end up calling him asking him if he was done ahnging otu with his friends and stuff. seriously, i wanna have fun and lvie my own life too just like him. but its so ahrd for me to accept it and get use to it. he told me that he wanted his own alone time and that he'll see me whenevr he's done and stuff. and i have an anger problem that im trying to work on, but i get frustrated and yell at him and start throwing fits. i wana be able to kaugh and lvie my own life again, but how? since i am so use to being w/ him
2006-10-16 15:44:27 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Yikesabee. From my personal experience I can tell you this isn't very healthy. You have to be independent,depending on a man is the WORST thing you could do. Not to say there's anything wrong w/spending alot of time w/him...but it's not healthy. He obviously is needing space,and you throwing fits is only going to put a bigger strain on your relationship. You need to be independent before you can be in a serious relationship. Most men that I've met and dated HATE clingy/dependent girls. There's nothing wrong w/wanting to see him every second, but there is with NEEDING to. Do your own thing, be your own person seperate from the relationship. You don't necessarily need to go out w/your friends. You can go w/your family or even do some alone time stuff, like shopping or going to the spa. Even going for a walk is good. Good luck, and plz do your best to give him what he's asking...before it's too late.
2006-10-16 15:58:00 · answer #1 · answered by *Juicy Princess* 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, this is tough. Maybe you can think of it as a good thing that he's out getting his own space. No two people can be together ALL the time for every minute of every day. He's probably just taking some time to himself, which is a very healthy and good thing for him to do.
You should do the same. I know it's hard, but you have to remember that he just wants some time to just be him, and be a guy. Go out and have fun remembering that he's doing the same. Then, after you've had your day apart, meet up again at night and talk about it.
He might be a little dense and not realizing how complex your feelings are.
Good luck.
2006-10-16 22:47:32 · answer #2 · answered by janelle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow OK girl. First of all I am going to recommend counseling. Not couples counseling, just someone for you. Someone who will be 100% on your side and help you get back in touch with your own individual needs. Right now you seem so caught up in your relationship that you almost don't exist outside of it. That is not healthy love, it is obsession. You can't be a good girlfriend like that and you won't find lasting happiness that way either. Finding out who you really are and what you truly want might help with your anger problems as well.
You are describing a classic persuer-distancer pattern with him. While your relationship is in that dynamic, the more you grab on, the more he will push you away.
Aloha
2006-10-16 23:00:00 · answer #3 · answered by Genji_77 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, I know how it is! My BF started acting like that about 6 months ago. We were practically attached to the HIP, and I mean I loved it.. but he started wanting to "hang out" with his friends and stuff ALL THE TIME.. well one night he went to a "all boys" party... and ended up on the trampoline with -oh- a girl. Yeah, we broke up for TWO MONTHS and he was a complete jerk. But.. we ended up patching up our differences and getting back together. Now we spend all the time in the world together, and truly enjoy it. Point I was trying to make: Maybe you guys should take a break BEFORE he ends up on the trampoline with some chick. PS- I have an anger problem as well
2006-10-16 22:53:51 · answer #4 · answered by JessicaMLM 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A lot of guys need personal space. So maybe u should try not think abt him 24/7. Hang out with ur friends and try 2 enjoy urself and that won't make it so hard. u can still be wth him, just not all the time so plz. try 2 have fun with other friends.
2006-10-16 22:50:12 · answer #5 · answered by kellycfan 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first thing you and everyone MUST learn is: Never compromise or give up aspects of yourself for a relationship with a woman/man! That includes friends! You can't expect your boyfriend to do the same...and obviously he hasn't. Every guy (in my opinion) pulls the whole "i need space, I want to be alone and hang out with my friends" thing. That's something that we as women need to learn to accept. It's imperitive to have your own friends and agendas as well and balance out your romantic relationship. I know how it feels to want to spend time with someone you care about and how easy it is to put other things and other people on hold for that person too...but it has to be done in moderation. You most definetly don't want to persue him to the point where he is feeling bothered or annoyed. Just try to reconnect with your friends. They should understand why you may have ditched them but you don't want to keep that up b/c you may not have friends to turn to when you need them. Also remember that they may need you too. It's okay for your boyfriend to want his space. Just give it to him and be patient but don't let him blow you off every single time. You both are in this relationship and you need attention too! Good luck and I hope it works out!
2006-10-16 23:03:18 · answer #6 · answered by Melissa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been in this situation before. I know it can be tough...but by continuing this...you're just gonna drive him away. We just tend to forget who we were before we even dated. What he wants...is actually good for both of you - though u might not think so now. You need your own droup of friends. Try to gather really close buddies...which you enjoy hanging out with and go to places that you are sure you would have a good time. Take this as a time for you to re-bond with your gal pals.
Once, you have your own time out, he will tend to miss you and realise that he miss hanging out with you too. Though...it hurts at first to do it. But I am sure you'll be able to do so. Try to to think of those things that you wanted to do so much but were not able to do so just because your bf tags along most of the time. Now is the time for you to do it.
2006-10-16 22:58:32 · answer #7 · answered by Aranel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well what i think is that Therese no space in a relationship that means that threes some else in his life or hes staring to lose hes feeling for you so that means his confuse like in other words hes trying to see if he could move on with out you but if he wants it like that don't show him is hurting you and move on keep strong!
2006-10-16 23:16:33 · answer #8 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd give him his space, and I'd take a few weeks of a break to really think about things.
2006-10-16 22:49:20 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
B/c he wants a change and feels like he is being sufficated.
2006-10-16 22:48:29 · answer #10 · answered by Steph1490 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋