why is my doctor saying i am normal.... :'(?

Question

i've told him i have sadistic tendencies, suffer from depression and anxiety, i often have weird or horrific dreams, i often have thoughts of praying to satan or god.

loads of times i have heard my mams voice shouting to me, but when i ask what she wanted, she tells me i'm hearing things, whenever i talk to, or reason with god in my mind, i hear this old mans voice (my interpretation of gods voice), which technically means i'm answering myself back, just not verbally.

i have a fear of being able to talk to people telepathically, and that my brain will drain of energy because of all the telepathy.

i have weird visions and scenarios that pop into my mind for no particular reason, like yesterday, i had this thought where someone was in this dark rook, the walls were made of hard rusty metal sheets, and there was a chainsaw going full speed, he had a heavy chain attached to his head, and he swung it, so as his neck landed in the spinning blade, and the chain pinned him down.

i was invloved in the suicide, it was as if i was watching the events unfold

*i wasn't***********

as far as i know, most of my symptoms are similar to schitsophrenia, but like i i say, he thinks i'm normal? :S

for those who don;t read the "fantasy" the first time properly. the guy threw himself onto a fully revved up chainsaw, with a heavy chain attached to his head, in order to kill himself, the chain pinned him down, so he couldnt escape, incase he had any last minute changes of heart

Answer 1

This forum should help you:
http://www.monachos.net/forum/showthread.php?t=3007
There used to be another discussion about someone in a similar situation, strikingly similar with yours I would say (19, former heavy metal fan acquainted with satanism, wants to become Christian, has weird visions etc.) It's no longer available to non-members, unfortunately. I'm currently writing to the moderator about how to send you a link to that or something.

Got it!
http://www.monachos.net/forum/showthread.php?t=2781

I hope it helps.
May God help you and deliver you from the evil one!

From the link above:
(Sorry for posting this big thing here: it's for a good cause though.)

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#1 20-07-2006, 01:10 AM
Scott
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The devil is in my life

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I need some advice. Along time ago, I knowingly worshipped Satan. I knew who Jesus was and I knew who the Devil was, but nevertheless, I worshipped Satan because I wanted power in this world. Now, a while ago I decided I wanted Christ. But I opened a door to Satan and it seems as though it cannot be shut. I have had the worst thoughts I have ever had in my life. It is equivelent to hearing voices, in that it is so distinct and quite evil. I have learned more about the evil one, and have experienced him, and it is mind boggling to know what he he truly is; a monster. It's a snare. The Devil gets us with curiousity, then snaps the trap shut. I am lost. What happens now?

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Last edited by Scott: 20-07-2006 at 02:17 AM.


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#2 20-07-2006, 02:38 AM
Antonios
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I suggest you speak personally with someone who can help you through this, face to face. The situation you find yourself in needs one on one spiritual guidance, beyond the capabilities of this forum. You could start by locating an Orthodox monastery near you or a local Orthodox priest.

My prayers are with you.


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#3 20-07-2006, 02:10 PM
Fr Raphael Vereshack
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Quotation:
Originally Posted by Antonios
I suggest you speak personally with someone who can help you through this, face to face. The situation you find yourself in needs one on one spiritual guidance, beyond the capabilities of this forum. You could start by locating an Orthodox monastery near you or a local Orthodox priest.

My prayers are with you.

I would add to this good advice to say a simple prayer such as "Lord deliver me from the evil one", repeating it during times of temptation until peace of heart returns.

We also have to be absolutely sure we do not go back to or re-open any doors we did in the past by which we fell into this.

Have others also pray for you.

In Christ- Fr Raphael


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#4 20-07-2006, 03:29 PM
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Quotation:
Originally Posted by fr_r_v
... do not go back to or re-open any doors we did in the past by which we fell into this.

If you have any occult items in your home or on your possession, like charms, trinkets, tattoo's, symbols, movies, games, books, clothing, music, etc., I'd remove them immediately, if not sooner! I'd also consider having a priest come to your home and bless it, and if you have'nt done so yet, I'd hang a blessed Crucifix and Icon around your neck and in every room of your house, too! In my opinion, if you have committed your heart and life to Christ, and if you've received sacramental forgiveness and cleansing of all past sins, then Satan has no "legal" or legitimate claim on you.

However, as he is the father of lies and deceptions, he'll not accept defeat or that his claim over you has been broken; so you must equip yourself for warfare and attacks by many evil and blasphemous thoughts! Thus, I'd arm yourself, (in part,) with 'The Rule of Prayer for Deliverance from Evil Thoughts.' Perhaps someone reading this might know if it's available online somewhere; but it's contained in the Slavonic Priest's Prayer Book. If you cannot find it online, a copy can be ordered from the Monastery Press, in Wildwood, Alberta.


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#5 20-07-2006, 05:58 PM
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Go Forwards and Don't Look Back

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Hello Brother,

Some people believe that Satan is a part of our no matter what. I tink that he is only a part of our life if we let him.

If you think that it is impossible to let him go then he has fooled you once again. By the way, you are not the only one. I know of quite a few Orthodox who have experimented with the occult, with drugs and have been plunged to the utter depth, only just surviving to tell the tale. St Cyprian was in fact a magician who would use dark powers for his spells...but he turned around and never turned back. He became a great saint of our Church.

Nevertheless, ( I don't say this, the fathers say this) it is through our trials tribulations, temptations and dare i say even sins that we are saved. How? Through repentance. Repentance is a very powerful thing. It is through our repentance that all our questions, doubts and closed doors are opened. Contrite repentance is the Key to our katharsis (cleansing of mind body and spirit).

But with our repentance we must always look forwards and not look back at our sins. Looking back is like a dog which comes back to his own vomit and eats it again, (and yes dogs actually do this). Although our sinfulness is always before us we don't need to go back to the detail and nature of our sins. This does more harm than good.

Nobody is without sin, and it is as though we crucify Christ again and again every time we sin. But out of His Mercy and Love, God accepts us if we truly repent and confess and are baptised. However repentance is not a one off thing, it is a continual process which takes a life time to complete...and even then...we still have to be vigilant.

Whatever you do don't despair, be glad and rejoice in Christ. Where there is light there can be no darkness. So long as you are with Christ you have nothing to fear.


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#6 20-07-2006, 06:25 PM
Derek (Alexei) Schmidt
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Quotation:
Originally Posted by Scott
I need some advice. Along time ago, I knowingly worshipped Satan. I knew who Jesus was and I knew who the Devil was, but nevertheless, I worshipped Satan because I wanted power in this world. Now, a while ago I decided I wanted Christ. But I opened a door to Satan and it seems as though it cannot be shut. I have had the worst thoughts I have ever had in my life. It is equivelent to hearing voices, in that it is so distinct and quite evil. I have learned more about the evil one, and have experienced him, and it is mind boggling to know what he he truly is; a monster. It's a snare. The Devil gets us with curiousity, then snaps the trap shut. I am lost. What happens now?

Scott,

Glory to Jesus Christ! Glory Forever!

I am in no real position to give advice, as I am not a priest, and have only been Orthodox for a few years. My prayers are with you--I can only imagine how frightening things must be for you.

Two things come to mind when I think about your position:

1) The fact that Satan has increased his activity means that you are doing something right. By turning to Christ, you have angered him, and he is using all of his power to keep you from continuing on this path. Try to remember this--it may give you the encouragement to resist the temptations!

2) Temptations always seem harder to bear when we turn 'in' on ourselves--when we focus only on our own thoughts and feelings. At least, this is the case in my experience. This doesn't mean that reflection and meditation (in the Orthodox sense) aren't appropriate. It just means that this might be easier for you if you can find a way to give your time and energy to others and forget about yourself. I'm not really saying this the way I want to--maybe Fr. Raphael could help me?

You have an incredible struggle ahead of you! Please don't give up. I'm sure many people here will be praying for you.

With love in Christ,
Alesha


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#7 20-07-2006, 07:29 PM
Matthew Panchisin
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Dear Scott,

The Orthodox Church Fathers tell us to dismiss any evil thoughts, ignore them and consider them the barking of dogs.

Additionally, Fr Raphael's advice of a simple prayer "Lord deliver me from the evil one", repeating it during times of temptation until peace of heart returns"
is drawn from the well of years of Orthodox monastic pastoral experience, I'm sure many here will be praying for you.

God be with you.

In Christ,

Matthew Panchisin

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Last edited by Matthew_P: 20-07-2006 at 09:32 PM.


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#8 20-07-2006, 08:39 PM
Derek (Alexei) Schmidt
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Scott,

I asked my parish priest about the issue. Here is what he wrote to me:

Tell him about
regular attendance at Church services so he's not alone. Tell him
about making Christ present in his life at home, through prayers, the
sign of the cross (which is our shield against Satan), wearing the
cross on our bodies - on a chain is usual, for the more 'modern'
possibly even in a pierced ear. Some have crosses fashioned into a
ring and worn on the finger for wedding rings.

Find out also what it is he feels bound by to his past. Does he have
tattoos? Does he have other "things" which are remnants? He needs to
get rid of all those things and replace them with healthy, holy
'things' like crosses on his walls (has he had his house or apartment
blessed?), icons, copy of the Holy Bible to study and to read.

The sign of the cross is especially potent. One elderly monk I know,
he must have been 80 something, used to sit and pray for hours - and
occasionally, he would make the sign of the cross over his head, or
over his ears, or over his mouth. Who knows what he was reacting to,
but I have often copied him and made the sign of the cross on my head
when evil thoughts attack me. Holy water is also good - wash your
face in it. Pour some on your head. Drink some while saying your
prayers...

And there are plenty of other "helps" which abound.

If Christ can lift people out of the Grave and the "Jaws of Hell" and
resurrect them to His Kingdom, then he can surely pull the living out
of the snares of the devil, out of the jaws of death and hell and
corruption, especially when we work with Him.

Hope this helps,
A.


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#9 21-07-2006, 12:36 AM
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Quotation:
f you have any occult items in your home or on your possession, like charms, trinkets, tattoo's, symbols, movies, games, books, clothing, music, etc., I'd remove them immediately, if not sooner

I should do that as well I would think. I'm a bookworm and its like pulling teeth for me to get rid of a book ... but I have a huge collection of books on occultism, magic, kabbalah, enochian magic, left hand path, Vamachara Tantra etc. Every time I think "ill throw them away" i change my mind and think "well these could be useful for informational purposes...."

What about books on religions other then Orthodoxy ( Hinduism, Buddhism, Hermeticism, etc) should they be thrown out to or can they be kept for purposes of apologetics ( you cant point out the errors in a religion if you dont know what it teaches) or just being knowledgeable about religion?


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#10 21-07-2006, 12:39 AM
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Thanks for your replies. I'm not Orthodox though. So how can things that are used in the Orthodox Faith help someone who is not Orthodox? I have two questions that may be something like I have done.

Is blasphemy against the Holy Ghost, as Jesus talked about in Matthew 12:24-32 and Mark 3:23-30, what I have done, by knowing the Spirit's call, worshipped the Devil?

The writer of Hebrews says that if a man sins willfully, there is no more sacrifice for sins, but a "fearful looking of judgment" Hebrews 10:26, 29-21. It goes on to say this is so because they have put the Son of God to an open shame.

These Scriptures seem to be saying that if the Holy Ghost calls a person and that person knows the Truth, to turn from it and sin willfully {In my case, devil worship} it is unforgiveable. Am I right? What do you think?

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Last edited by M.C. Steenberg: 21-07-2006 at 09:20 AM. Reason: Removed boldfacing of whole post


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#11 21-07-2006, 01:02 AM
Alec Lowly
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Quotation:
Originally Posted by Scott
Thanks for your replies. I'm not Orthodox though. So how can a Priest and holy water help someone who is not Orthodox? I have two questions that may be something like I have done.

Is blasphemy against the Holy Ghost, as Jesus talked about in Matther 12:24-32 and Mark 3:23-30, what I have done, by knowing the Spirit's call, worshipped the Devil?

The writer of Hebrews says that if a man sins willfully, there is no more sacrifice for sins, but a "fearful looking of judgment" Hebrews 10:26, 29-21. It goes on to say this is so because they have put the Son of God to an open shame.

These Scriptures seem to be saying that if the Holy Ghost calls a person and that person knows the Truth, to turn from it and sin willfully {In my case, devil worship} it is unforgiveable. Am I right? What do you think?

No, that is not right. What you describe is indeed a grave sin, but had you committed that blasphemy against the Holy Spirit that scripture speaks of, you would not be here, inquiring about a reconciliation with God. That, in itself, shows the Spirit to be at work within you. The Spirit abandons those who have committed the unforgivable sin. They therefore do not seek to repent and thus are eternally lost.


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#12 21-07-2006, 01:05 AM
Alec Lowly
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Get Help!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Quotation:
Originally Posted by Scott Pierson
I should do that as well I would think. I'm a bookworm and its like pulling teeth for me to get rid of a book ... but I have a huge collection of books on occultism, magic, kabbalah, enochian magic, left hand path, Vamachara Tantra etc. Every time I think "ill throw them away" i change my mind and think "well these could be useful for informational purposes...."

What about books on religions other then Orthodoxy ( Hinduism, Buddhism, Hermeticism, etc) should they be thrown out to or can they be kept for purposes of apologetics ( you cant point out the errors in a religion if you dont know what it teaches) or just being knowledgeable about religion?

Get rid of the occult books AT ONCE, as well as all other occult or magical paraphernalia, and box and store the books about other religions until such time as you can freely engage in scholarship and apologetics. That time is not now. This "changing of your mind" about dealing with the books is the work of the Enemy. Show him that you mean business and the Lord will bless you for it.

Scott, you have received an awful lot of good advice here already, including the direction of a God-graced priest. Swallow your pride and start acting upon this advice. You must acknowledge that you cannot do this alone. GET HELP. And take care: If you do not move forward, you will surely move backward.

Sigh. I've had experience in these matters. Contact me by personal message if you need to talk privately.

Conquer by the Cross,
Alec

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Last edited by Alec Lowly: 21-07-2006 at 01:24 AM.


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#13 21-07-2006, 01:56 AM
Derek (Alexei) Schmidt
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Le oops

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Quotation:
Originally Posted by Alec Lowly
Get rid of the occult books AT ONCE, as well as all other occult or magical paraphernalia, and box and store the books about other religions until such time as you can freely engage in scholarship and apologetics. That time is not now. This "changing of your mind" about dealing with the books is the work of the Enemy. Show him that you mean business and the Lord will bless you for it.

Scott, you have received an awful lot of good advice here already, including the direction of a God-graced priest. Swallow your pride and start acting upon this advice. You must acknowledge that you cannot do this alone. GET HELP. And take care: If you do not move forward, you will surely move backward.

Sigh. I've had experience in these matters. Contact me by personal message if you need to talk privately.

Conquer by the Cross,
Alec

I think that's a different Scott...I mean, bookworm Scott is not the Scott being pursued by the devil.

Good advice, though.

In Christ,
A.


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#14 21-07-2006, 05:21 AM
Matthew Panchisin
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Dear Scott,

I'm sure you are very wrong.

From an Orthodox Christian perspective the understandings of the Saint's and Orthodox Church Father's convey to us that repentance is available until your last breath, like the wise thief on the cross, there is always hope with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

The Orthodox understanding of Matthew 12:32 is that the blasphemy against the Holy Spirit is against the divine activity of the Spirit - (the accusation that Jesus Christ healed the demonic by demonic power (v. 24). rather than the power of the Holy Spirit (v. 28; see Mark 3.29, 30) Every sin against the Son of Man can be forgiven, because the Jews do not yet know much about him. But the blasphemy against the Spirit, whose divine activity they know from the OT, will not be forgiven. This blasphemy is a willful hardness of heart. It attributes the saving action of the Spirit to satan and refuses to accept God's forgiveness and mercy.)

You have mentioned, "Now, a while ago I decided I wanted Christ." Alec is 100% correct to say, "That, in itself, shows the Spirit to be at work within you."

There is quite a long list of examples of things that are used in the Orthodox Faith that have helped someone who is not Orthodox, first and foremost would be prayer. It is not uncommon for Orthodox Christians to ask the intersessions of the Saint's, the Theotokas to help others. You're not alone Scott.

In Christ,

Matthew Panchisin


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#15 21-07-2006, 07:39 AM
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Theophilus of Adana

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hey there Scott ~

Have you noticed the recent thread on Theophilus of Adana? Check it out @ http://www.monachos.net/forum/showth...ighlight=Adana as it will offer you some hope, I feel. He was a man who made a pact with Satan in exchange for an ecclesiastical office, of all things, but later found forgiveness with God! Glory to Thee, O Lord! Glory to Thee!


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#16 21-07-2006, 08:31 AM
Olga
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Do not think that because you are not Orthodox that you are beyond the reach of the grace of God. Might I recommend you read the life of St John of Shanghai and San Francisco (readily available online from various sources, including:
www.saintjohnwonderworker.org and
http://www.rocor.org.au/lives/stjohn...hai/index.html).

St John (1896-1966) served as bishop and archbishop in Shanghai, Paris and San Francisco, and his life and works touched Orthodox and non-Orthodox people alike. Below is an account of one of his many miracles, the restoration of a dying Jewish woman:

The miracle-working power and clairvoyance of Saint John were well known in Shanghai. Once, during Bright Week (the week following Easter), St John came to the Jewish hospital to visit the Orthodox patients there. Passing through one ward, he stopped in front of a screen, concealing the bed upon which an elderly Jewish woman lay dying. Her family members were awaiting her death nearby. The Saint raised a cross above the screen and loudly proclaimed: "Christ is Risen!" upon which the dying woman regained consciousness and asked for water. The Saint approached the nurse and said, "The patient wants to drink." The medical staff were stunned by the change which had taken place in one who only moments earlier was dying. Soon the woman recovered and was discharged from the hospital. Such incidents were numerous.

I hope this helps.


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#17 21-07-2006, 12:32 PM
Scott Pierson
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Quotation:
Get rid of the occult books AT ONCE, as well as all other occult or magical paraphernalia, and box and store the books about other religions until such time as you can freely engage in scholarship and apologetics. That time is not now. This "changing of your mind" about dealing with the books is the work of the Enemy. Show him that you mean business and the Lord will bless you for it.

You might be right. Its hard to tell if its just my logic or the the devil feeding me a line of garbage that sounds logical.

I am a differnt Scott. I work at a place that has only 3 people and I'm one of two scotts there. Man that can be iratating. It can come in handy though if an angry person comes in asking for scott i can always direct him to the other scott lol.


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#18 21-07-2006, 04:06 PM
Fr. David Moser
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Quotation:
Originally Posted by Matthew_P
The Orthodox understanding of Matthew 12:32 is that the blasphemy against the Holy Spirit is against the divine activity of the Spirit ... This blasphemy is a willful hardness of heart.

On an even more personal level, I think that it is important to note that the "divine activity of the Spirit" in our lives is to convict the person of sin and to bring us to repentance. Thus the "wilfull hardness of heart" that is most often manifest in our lives is the refusal to repent. If we sin and the Holy Spirit moves us to an awareness of our sin and we respond with "hardness of heart" and the refusal to repent, then this is the "blasphemy against the Holy Spirit" the so-called "unforgiveable sin". Thus the only "unforgiveable sin" is the sin of which we refuse to repent.

Having come to a realization of your sin, this is the work of the Holy Spirit. The next step is now to repent, turn away from your sin and follow the path that the Holy Spirit sets before you (that is to draw near to Christ). To refuse to do so, to ignore or even more to defy the prompting of the Holy Spirit, this is the "blasphemy of the Holy Spirit" but if you respond even a little, even make the smallest move to repent, then the grace of God floods in and supplies all that is needed to turn away from sin and pursue Christ.

Fr David


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#19 21-07-2006, 08:30 PM
Alec Lowly
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Quotation:
Originally Posted by Scott Pierson
You might be right. Its hard to tell if its just my logic or the the devil feeding me a line of garbage that sounds logical.

I am a differnt Scott. I work at a place that has only 3 people and I'm one of two scotts there. Man that can be iratating. It can come in handy though if an angry person comes in asking for scott i can always direct him to the other scott lol.

Sorry, bookworm Scott . Yes, I confused you with the other fellow.
A.L.


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#20 29-07-2006, 12:20 PM
Lourens
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Dear new creation in Christ, Scott,

"Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you; resist the devil, and he will flee from you."

There is no other way, is there?

Submit to God only; cast down every vain imagination that would exalt itself against the knowledge of Christ.

And, let the Word of Christ dwell in you richly.

In reverence for Christ,

Learner

Answer 2

1

Answer 3

Hmmmm schizophrenia is not a term which doctors like to use now. They now realise that there are many different mental illnesses being labled wrongly.
I were you I'd go and see another doctor.
Many people have thoughts like you do but they are happy with them...different people different ways etc etc.
But the problem is that your thoughts are distressing to you...so seek help before they harm you in some way.
If you yourself don't think that this is right, then it is not.

So tell your doctor that you wish for a second opinion, you are allowed one...ask that you be able to see a specialist in the feild of mental health and illnesses.
STRESS that this is important...or book yourself into the hospital.
Tell that that you are worried that you may harm someone or yourself...I think they might listen then.

Answer 4

I agree with the first answer, but I would also suggest you have your new doctor request a fasting blood insulin test. If you are high (10 or more on the American measure) then the overproduction of insulin could be imbalancing other chemicals that help to cause your symptoms.

I had horrible dreams when I was at my worst, before I was diagnosed hypoglycemic (low blood sugar). That is one of the conditions high insulin can cause.

If you want some basic info on low blood sugar, check out www.hufa.org - especially the symptoms link. Once I found out, I made sure I had a protein snack before bedtime. Currently it is soy milk, or an egg and nuts. This definitely helped my dreams to stay happier.

Oh, about the talking to yourself non-verbally, I did that when I was a kid, but it was bad on one shoulder and good on the other shoulder. The weird scenarios happen to me too. That is one signal that I am getting low on blood sugar. I call them "day-mares".

Hope this helps.

Answer 5

It first appears that you are experiencing some psychotic symptoms, but it would be very fool hardy to jump to a clinical diagnosis of schizophrenia. As a mental health practitioner I would advice you to contact your doctor again and ask to be referred to a psychiatrist. It would be good to look whether there is any history of mental illness in the family and also others factors such as alcohol and/or drug usage. You should also examine whether your daily functioning such as going to work, your daily structure and indeed your personal presentation has been affected. Look at your sleep pattern and also the way in which you are interacting with other people. The most important thing is to seek medical advice and be assessed properly. There are many treatments available such as numerous medications in conjunction with talking therapies. Good luck!

Answer 6

I think you could be suffering from some form of depression and/or anxiety disorder, which perhaps needs treatment from someone more appropriate than a GP. I don't think you're schizophrenic as you obviously have insight into your thoughts and fears. Anyone in an acute schizophrenic state (psychosis) has no insight at all and thinks their behaviour is perfectly rational. This stuff is obviously causing you distress though, and my advice would be to get a referral to a psychologist.

Answer 7

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Answer 8

You are normal.You just think a different way then most of us think.I suggest you go to a mental health facility or to a different doctor.Explain to them that you know you are not thinking right and you are hearing your mam shouting for you when no one is shouting.Explain you sometimes want to pray to the devil and you know it`s wrong to pray to the devil.What ever you do,do not under any circumstances ignore your mental health.It will only get worst.

Answer 9

The same thing happened to me.my daughter took me to the hospital and they drew blood for tests.I said I was over weight,tiered all the time,all my body hurts,and I would rather just lay on the davenport all day and watch t.v.The test came back saying I am just fine but I am not.I still take care of my dog and all the other things here.I am taking vitamens hoping I will get better plus other pills.Signed,FreeLittleLillie

Answer 10

Generally what we put into our minds emerges in some form or another. We used to say Garbage in, garbage out. What are you watching on tv? What kind of music are you listening to? Are you involved in the occult? Are you spending massive amounts of time playing video games and spending time alone with porn or other freakish stuff? My bet is that you will answer yes to at least some of those questions. Now, I don't want to freak you out or anything, but you need to spend some time reading your Bible. God will never tell you anything that disagrees with His Word. Get your mind into healthy avenues. The opposite of GIGO (Garbage in, garbage out) is peace of mind. I'd like to hear from you if you want to talk more.

Answer 11

Perhaps you should get a new doctor, because what you're describing is what I go through, only in a slightly more severe form and I'm diagnosed as schizoaffective bipolar. I'd definitely get a new doctor, because this one doesn't sound to be very good.