Working Parents with kids in Daycare - Ever get rude comments from stay at home moms?

Question

My wife and I respect other peoples decisions on whether they choose to work or choose to stay home with their kids. However, we receive lots of really rude, strongly opionionated comments from stay at home moms often. Comments include, 'I decided to raise my kids and not have somebody else do it.' Or we're playing with the kids in the yard and a stay at home mom will say 'It's so nice to see you spending some time with your kids.' Interestingly, I've near heard a working parent throw negative opions or comments at stay at home mothers. Why are some stay at home mom's so angry and why do they feel the need to verbalize their opinions? Has anybody else experienced this rude behavior? My kids are in a GREAT day care. They are well-socialized. They are confident. I believe they are getting great educational experiences every day and working on creative projects. My kids are extremely happy. We are saving for their future. What is so wrong?

Answer 1

There's nothing wrong. How else can you afford to feed, clothe, and shelter your kids without a decent income? Some people are just ignorant and feel they need to justify their decision to be a sahm over and over again. I think it stems from their insecurity that they might lose their own identity in their role as "mommy." Either that, or by zinging a few ugly remarks in someone else's direction, they can feel better about themselves. Still, these women might just be too stupid to realize that they're being overcritical of something that's none of their business.

My child is not in day care. Instead, I work out of my home and try to care for her at the same time. However, I wonder from time to time if she is learning the social skills and getting as much attention as she would get in day care. Then I remind myself that there are no hard and fast rules to parenting, and that as long as my daughter is happy and healthy I must be doing something right.

Don't let it get to you. Your children are the best indications of how well you're doing and I'm quite certain that they will grow up to be confident, well-adjusted adults. If day care centers were so detrimental, there wouldn't still be so many of them around.

Answer 2

I am a stay at home mother of three. There are times when I wished I could go back to work. However, me being here with them is what works for our family. I understand that many parents don't have a choice as to whether or not to send their children to daycare. My mother was a single parent who at times had to work two jobs. At 29 I still remember my time spent in daycare. I hated it. It is an experience I decided to spare my children. I don't look down on my Mother for doing what she did, nor will I any other parent. She had no other option. I have the option, and I choose to stay home.

Answer 3

Wow, people can be so horrible. I am a stay at home mom and I would never disrespect parents who work. There is nothing wrong with having working parents. You are doing a wonderful thing providing for you kids' future. You obviously care about them and know that they are happy.

I have had rude comments from working parents. Ex. "Don't you get bored sitting around all day" (LOL like that would ever happen). Just stay confident knowing that you are doing what is right for you and your family. Also be thankful that you have class!

Answer 4

We get this a lot too, I work in a corporate/professional atmosphere and often get nasty looks from other mom's when dropping off my kids at school, I also belong to the PTA and when i am called to help in a school function it is usually during the day, when I can finally return the call it is after dinner around 6:30- 7;00 and I appolgize and say sorry got home from work at 5;30 and made dinner for the family, checked homework and am just able to get back with you now. I usually get silence for a second before a response is given. Then I get comments like ..well, I spend two hours every week passing out milk and another two hours in the library and then I spend several evenings a week mailing flyers or glueing things together for a classroom party, and I think to myself.. this makes you a better mom? HAH, Blasphemy I say!

Answer 5

I've been on both sides of that. It just depends on your lifestyle and who you are as a person. Some people want to raise their own kids instead of doing the daycare thing. Other's can't afford not to work...both has it's perks.

Answer 6

I am a stay-home mom who works part time out of my home. I chose to be home with my son because I grew up in day care and hated it. I didn't want that for my child. However, that is MY choice, and I am fortunate enough to be able to be home. I TOTALLY understand that people need to have money to live on, and I certainly hope I've never made anyone feel bad about choosing (or needing) to put their child in day care.

The opposite side of the coin, however, is that there are working parents out there who assume that just because someone stays home, they are willing and able to run errands or babysit whenever the working friend/neighbor/relative needs them to. I am always offended by people who think that just because I don't go out of the house to work, I'm just sitting around waiting to take care of someone else's kids. I have work to do, too. I run a small business, I have housework to do, and I have a son to raise.

I think both sides have their merits. Being home means more time with the kids, more connectedness, and less time trying to catch up before bed. Working means more money to do things together, have nice things, and save for the future. Both sides also have their disadvantages. Working parents miss out on a lot of things in their children's lives, and the children miss out on their parents. Stay home parents can get tired of changing diapers and cleaning up messes and listening to screaming kids all day, being isolated from other people, and not having enough money to do anything.

It's all about perspective. When I talk to people about being a stay-home mom, I don't try to sound like I'm accusing them when I tell them why I'm home. I say things like "I grew up in day care, and I didn't want that for my child" or "I wanted to be there for as much of his life as possible." If they take that as me blaming them for working, well, that's really their problem, not mine. I'm just telling them MY feelings about MY situation.

Answer 7

Stay at home moms I have encountered aren't angry or rude, just tired of everyone else thinking that taking care of a house and family isn't work, like working out of the home is. People seem to think that stay at home moms sit around all day doing nothing and that just isn't the case.

Answer 8

I am a mother and I am a working mom. It is so hard for me to budget my time for my son and for my work. I cant just work 24 hours a day for both... But I have to work but whatever it is, I know my son will be in good hands with other people when I am not around (hopefully) and the sad thing, I dont have much of a choice.

Answer 9

I'm a stay at home mom, and you know what who cares what stay at home moms think, you have the job to support your child, that's all that matters. Some stay at home moms are lazy and just like to watch t.v. Who cares, you had a life before your child and you need to support your child. I've got nothing against working moms, their life is a lot harder sometimes

Answer 10

Nothing wrong at all. I worked outside the home for 4 out of 6 years of my eldest daughters life. We did the daycare thing, we made bad daycare decisions. She suffered the consequences. I am now a stay at home mom, running my own daycare cause I know what I wanted and didn't get.