Need some advice?

Question

Well let me start off by saying i have not been in a relationship or better yet been with anyone for the past 4 years going on 5. i work at a small pizza joint(hey im in college so :-P) anyways this amazing girl just started working there a couple weeks ago and she flirts with me alot i mean this is some crazy flirting i mean when im not at work im thinking about her and when im at work with her i dont want it to end hell i even hang out at work when shes working and im not just because i absolutely love being around her she makes me happy. Heres the problem she has a boyfriend. BUT shes always telling me how much of an asshole he is and how he treats her so badly(ive seen it) and the only reason she hasnt left him is because she has nowhere else to live. I know i could make this girl happy and treat her the way she should be treated but i dont know how to go about telling her that i always keep my mouth shut when she talks about her boyfriend..should i steer clear? or what should i do

I must say no one has made me feel the way she makes me feel in the longest time and it feels so good and we have a great time but since she has a boyfriend its so very hard for me to tell her how i feel i'm not sure how to go about dealing with this situation her boyfriend is a controlling asshole and i cant stand the guy. lately she has been getting cut from work early like 8pm or whatever and she will stay until close which is 12-1am just because she doesnt want to go home to the asshole shes with. she would much rather stay at work and hang out with me which again makes me feel soo god damn good/happy because i havent been treated like this for so long . she really does bring me out of my shell but theres still things im WAY to shy to talk about with her errrrrasdjgasdj anyways i just need some advice as to what i should do

Answer 1

I would try to bone her - but first ask her if the boyfriend owns a gun or has a criminal record.

Answer 2

dating someone, being at work with someone you like and living with someone are different things. Thus offering your place considering you can do it, is probably not the best option. If it happens it is not going to make you her boyfriend anyway. She'll probably use you the same way she used his bf at the moment....

Offering her your help to find another apartment is a good idea. If she works and make enough money she can probably afford it. Otherwise there are a lot of other option out there. Open your eyes. As some other people mentioned she could stay at a girlfriend for instance. If her situation is really bad then a shelter may be another option to consider too.


Not being in a relationship for such an extended period of time, and finally having someone in your life you feel something for must feel quite good for you. Especially as you hope there would be more. Appreciate that moment cause this won't last forever.

There are a lot of scenarios possible and it's hard to advise you on the best decision to make.

Be careful though. You should be ready to loose her. That may not happen. Hopefully for you. But you may end up not talking to her anymore and not being friend with her anymore. And if you keep on focusing to much much attention on her it will only hurt you more at the end.

In the meantime you got to realise there are plenty of other girls out there and a lot of them deserve as much attention you're willing to give to your friend. You should use this regain of confidence to meet other potential girlfriends.

Don't fantasise too much. Be her friend. And be ready to leave it has it is.

About friendship I think honesty is something important and you may open the subject about your feeling when an occasion will present itself.
As she seems to be talking a lot about herself you may as well move the discussion towards you and how you would like to be in a relationship and what your feeling are.

I would also forget the romantic declaration of love, love letters and all this kind of stuff, this would most certainly fail plus you'll get the nasty boyfriend on your back ;-)

She may also see you more as a brother than anything else. And not feel any attraction to you. In this case you could stay months around her fantasising for more. So better find out sooner than later if there any chance for more. That will save you some disappointment.

Hope this helps and good luck.

My best advice. Don't worry too much. If it was mean to happen, it will. If not, life will go on!

Answer 3

Hold your ground and be a gentleman. Enjoy yourself and do not force, nor show your hand yet. All kinds of opportunities are going to open here, so show some good sense as well and just be kind and friendly and keep your eyes open. You may find this a good thing, but you might also find or learn some additional information about this whole situation that will send you running for the hills. Try also to get in touch with your instincts better so you won't have to ask anyone but you what you should do. Make sure this really is the cool item you think it is before you invite it onto your lap. And the one which would decide it for me would be, "remember - you may have to deal with him, too."

Answer 4

As you might expect, you will get advice you don't want to hear. Like this... My first advice to you is to learn English. That means speaking, writing, and expressing yourself with proper English, not the garbage you wrote. A smart, cute, fun, exciting woman will get bored with a guy who tries to act cool by being 'regular and dumb'. Women LIKE smart, college-age guys. If you were to apply yourself THAT way, you'd end up with the right girl for you. Take English 101. Take it again if you have already. As you would say, Anyways... (god you sound dumb when you write that) Women say this is the best approach: Be yourself, be confident without being cocky, and state what you want. So, ask her out on a date. Tell her, "I know you have a boyfriend. If it isn't TOO serious, I'd like to go have a coffee or lunch with you and just talk." Then Shut Up. Let her respond. If it's positive, go have coffee, chat, and don't be a dork. If her response is negative, let it go, hit the books, and go socialize more where women are. NOT bars! FYI, I'm a guy, and I've learned all this the hard way, lol...

Answer 5

Well if it was not a work deal, it would be an easy answer, that being something along the lines of, If you get to the point where you are gonna leave your boyfriend then I would be interested in seeing you socially after you have had enough time to get over it emotionally, but until then I am here for you as a friend even if it never happens. But considering you work with her, you might just want to let it play out. But if you must get it out there, I would suggest something along the lines of what I just said, it makes you look interested and concerned, but not like psychotically into her.

Answer 6

hey, if the other guy is an asshole and she is still living with him, she has problems. Has no place else to live? does she not work? She could get a job and take care of herself or live with girlfriends that treat her nice. Sounds like she just wants attention and you are giving her what she wants. My advice from a older lady is ignore her, you might lose your job if you continue to show her alot of attention or be there when you should not. Ignore her, treat her just like you treat everyone else, no special attention and one of two things will happen, she will either move on the bachelor number 2 who will give her all the attention you are giving her, hence not worth your time or she will see how great you are and realize she is wasting her time with a loser, dump him and start showing you tons of affection and attention. I think you get the picture

Answer 7

Tough one... well since I'm not you I can't give you a surefire answer but I'll tell you this much. If she's in a relationship where the ONLY reason she's in it is becuase she doesn't have a another place to live, its not worth while. My suggestion is (I hold no liablilty) is that if you guys are cool then just give her some advice, tell her to get out of that situation. I mean if this girl is really worth while she'll be able to take a tiny bit of advice. Just a suggestion. Hope it was of some use.

Answer 8

Ok boy friend big problem. So maybe it's time you open your both and tell her what you think. If you know for sure she likes you the same way don't let this boy friend get in your way, but also don't make her cheat. Now about the place to live offer your place, unless your in a dorm then i don't think you to can share but im not sure. So get with her to amartments or condos and help pick the right one. Best of luck!! :)

Answer 9

You sound like a nice guy,,hopefully she will see that too and will do the right thing by you and importantly, herself. If she respects herself she will find the strength to leave him. You cannot be the reason she leaves because leaving someone who has been in your life for a long time is a brave thing to do. Be patient, if she is the one, she will be yours come what may. Best of luck x.

Answer 10

I think you're handling it well. Don't get in the middle of their relationship. Hopefully she will see the light and decide on her own to break up with the guy. If you see signs of abuse, you can help her out by helping her find a shelter for battered women. But you shouldn't step in, otherwise. Maybe you could ask her if she keeps complaining, "Why do you stay with him?" If she wants out of the relationship it is only up to her to break up. Do not attempt to get in the middle of it while she is with him. He could be dangerous.

Answer 11

Run for the hills as fast as you can. As much as it is a man's instinct to want to save a damsel in distress and be her knight in shining armour, the bottom line is if she really and truly needs to get away, there are shelters. This is a bad, bad situation waiting to happen. I'm going to be very aggressive here: quit your job just to get away from her. This is bad news for you.