help hygiene problems plus with 16 yr old daughter?

Question

my daughter of 16+ is just a nightmare, she has plenty of really nice clothes but she continues to wear her clothes time and time again without washing them,she puts nearly everthing back in her wardrobe and although it is folded or hung it's dirty or has stains on, she sleeps with her underwear beneath her nightwear her choice, but i have known her to wear the same bra for more than a week, she wears her trousers for 3 days or more.Her dressing gown has not been washed for about 5months it is filthy and smells awful just like her bedroom we have tried talking to her explaining the need for personal hygiene but she denies all saying that she does wash all her clothes, and the ones in her wardrobe are clean. the silly thing is she baths or showers every day, uses deodrant and smellies but still contiues to put on dirty clothes i have tried a couple of times to help her by washing all of her clothes for her and we did the ironing together but it makes no difference is this normal

Answer 1

Your house, your rules
Make her a schedule and watch over her so she keeps to it.
Perhaps she needs her eyes testing?

Answer 2

Am I the only one here who thinks there might potentially be some mental health issues? This is not normal behavior, and may be an indication of something else going on. I would suggest speaking with a mental health professional. The earlier you can find and treat the real issues, the better off she'll be. "Making" her wash her clothes isn't going to do a thing unless you plan to stand over her every two weeks for the rest of her life. She needs to understand why her clothes need to be cleaned more often then that, along with treatment for whatever the underlying issue is. Ignore all of these morons who say your daughter is just a slob. I would highly doubt that this is the real culprit.

Answer 3

This is NOT normal! As a mother you need to explain yourself to her and make her understand that "we need to put clean clothes on a clean body". A lot of times young girls mimick a parents behavior. Do you sometimes find yourself doing some of the same things? If not it could be that she is a little lazy and I say a little because she will take a shower. Why don't you try talking her into letting you do her laundry for about a month. If it bothers you this much it shouldn't be a hassle for you, you sound like a really neat mom with a small concern. Lastly, is she over weight at all? Sometimes (speaking from experience) we feel more comfortable using our same clothes over and over. They just feel better! maybe you could offer to hang dry them for her if that's the case. i really hope I was able to help you because smelly is not good. You really need to help her if she goes out into the real world, remember how cruel kids are!

Answer 4

She will get over it in about a year when guys come along and then you will get the oppposite problem all clothes will have to be washed even if you wear a pair of jeans for an hour!!! All underwear will have to be spotless and she will changes her underwear 4 times a day!! My mother would go crazy at me i had to have 4 pair of knickers on in a day, i i wore something for 10 minutes it was back in the washing pile!!! Don't worry though as i used to be like your daughter before i got to the over clean stage!!!! Just let her grow out of it!!! xx

Answer 5

My girl is 12 and she is very clean as far as showers and such,but when she has a favourite shirt or pants , she lies about how long she is wearing items, I allow her 1 day shirts 2 days pants everything except the bra gets changed regular , when all my girls were younger they were bad 4 changing panties they would hide them if they were stained ,now that 2 have left home they are so clean well dressed and keep there kids the same , I guess it is the norm girls seem to be allot less worried about hygiene then boys at certain times in there life's <<< save yourself your girl is old enough to learn how to respect herself , your job is done , you set the example , and tried what u could , it's her turn stand back and watch her change her ways, hope for the best and make sure u tell her when she is looking good and clean ,compliments from moms are the top 4 our girls ......good luck . ..>> this is not a battle u can win bow out and watch,

Answer 6

I am guessing that your daughter may not see herself as being clean for some reason. Even though she is bathing or showering each day she is choosing to wear the clothes she wore on the previous day. I believe that this is a psychological matter. Perhaps she is having feelings of being unworthy; has she been forced into having sex with someone. Is she depressed about a deeply hidden issue? Has there been any recent major changes in her life? Specifically, changes in close relationships?

The behavioral is not normal, and she is acting out to some degree. Whatever is going on within her is manifesting itself outward through her resistence in wearing clean clothes on a clean body.

Answer 7

Sounds like a little more is going on with your daughter than just bad hygiene habits,have you noticed any change in behaviour and attitude.You need to speak to her and get to the bottom of it,I dont want to upset you and say what I think,but her behaviour is really something that needs sorting now.

Answer 8

I think you're getting this out of proportion. 1. She's only 16
2. She washes herself every day 3. She's a bit lazy about doing her washing 4. She'll grow out of it if you stop focusing so much on it.
Try focusing for a couple of weeks ONLY on what she's doing right. Admire her hair or thank her for small things she does that you tend to think too trivial to remark on at the moment. Wash the dressing gown without comment if it's bugging you so much. This is your child - she's not a nightmare - remember how much she means to you.

Answer 9

I'd set a certain laundry day for her to do her laundry where your around to make sure she does it. And don't let her go anywhere until it is done. As far as her room goes try telling her if it's not clean by the weekend that she's not going to be allowed to do anything. ;o) most teens love their weekends with their friends so this just might work. good luck to you.

Answer 10

Oh my God, that's just part of being 16! She just can't be arsed, and you making a big deal out of it is probably making it worse (i.e. now you've made it a big deal, there's even less chance of her giving a sh*t.)

When I was 16 most of my friends were tree-hugging hippies and crusties and to be honest, having a bath wasn't anyone's top priority. But you know what? It didn't matter, they were great people (probably better people than the clean and pristine folk I knew) and that is all that matters. Your daughter isn't a bad person just because she eschews the soap occasionally. In fact, there are probably more important things on her mind.

Lay off, she'll work it out for herself... Her clothes, her body, her business!

Oh, and for the record, my dressing gown gets washed when I remember, which is at least every 6 months. And I'm not dead from it!

MY god people, get over yourselves! 70 years or so ago you'd be bathing once a week in a tin bath that 5 other family members had bathed in first! And no-one gave a rat's toot!

Answer 11

Ok, first off determine with a therapist if there is real cause for concern. If there is, do whatever is necessary to assist your daughter in getting treatment for whatever is the determination by the therapist.

IF, however, it is determined that she is fine mentally, and just lazy; I suggest you remove ALL clothes from her room. Get them laundered, and packed them away or give her exactly 7 days worth of clothes, underwear, bras and socks. You are giving her way too many choices and liberties. Advise her that you know exactly how many clothes she has, what they look like and that YOU WILL see a different set of clothes every morning before she leaves the house; AND that they had all better show up on the day she does her laundry. If you choose to keep complete control over her wardrobe, you will have to give her clean clothes every morning to wear to school, confiscating the dirty ones upon her return home.

Either you do it, or make her keep her laundry separated from the rest of the family's and make her do a load of laundry from start to finish (wash, dried, folded/hung, and put away) whenever she has a full-load of laundry.

Once you have secured her wardrobe, when she gets in from school, hand her a pair of clean underwear, a clean bra, shorts or sweats and a shirt. If you have to, stand over her while she changes into these items, you might want to even stay in the bathroom while she showers prior to changing. Once you have her out of the smelly, nasty clothes, make her throw them away. Once they are in the trash, take the trash to a dumpster, far, far, away somewhere she wouldn't think of looking.

Upon your return from the trash run, supervise the cleaning of her room. Advise her that she isn't going to live like a pig in YOUR house. Let her know that if you ever see her room in the same condition, you will remove her door and there goes all privacy and other priveledges.

The thing that seems to be forgotten here is that your are her MOTHER and as such, no matter how surly, she MUST obey YOUR rules. If, she has a problem with this, then suggest to her that she get over it, because it isn't going to change.

You are going to have a rough time, but she will eventually cave, you have to stand your ground, if you don't want to live like this until she moves out.

For what it is worth, you will probably end up removing her door to make a believer out of her. She cannot go thru life in smelly, dirty, disgusting clothes. The sooner she realizes this, the better off she is going to be.