...resent me for doing so. (explain) He did drugs for most of my life, Hid them well from all of us. I was naive and never knew the reasons behind the endless fights my parents had. He slept around including a 3 day stint while my sister was being born. After 25 years of hell and trying to keep it together for the family my mother had enough. So I despise him and all the crap we all endured. However my siblings are mad at me for rejecting him and calling my stepfather "Dad". It has been nearly 9 years and I'm ok without him in my life, he wasent really there to begin with, yet anytime family gets together they ride me to forgive him and talk with him. Why do I have to? Why do they feel this need for me to re kindle somthing I'm happy to be without? Should I? Am I being Unhealthy and have potential to destroy my future family?
2006-10-16 12:15:09 · 7 answers · asked by Hawaiian Bruddah 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
It would be nice if you were able to find some peace in this terrible situation. I can only offer this . If this is how you feel and see no reason what so ever of changing, then tell them , This is how I feel, I respect you feelings so if you want me to be here for the gatherings then respect my feelings and get off my case I do not intend to change them, also I will not stay if you feel the need to make me change. The ball is now in their court. But you may have to stand your ground. And if I were a family member I would be standing right along side of you. best of luck
2006-10-16 12:24:48 · answer #1 · answered by rkilburn410 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My feeling is that just because someone is related to you through DNA that it doesn't give them the license to be included in your life forever.
If he has continued this behavior thoughout his adulthood it is no wonder you can't stand him. I wouldn't have any use for him either.
Tell you siblings to stay away from the subject if they want you to participate at all. It is none of their business.
Your feelings are valid, don't feel guilty about them. If for some reason he has had a recovery as evidenced by a fruitful life and your feelings change, then fine. Until then, tell them to back off and you go with your gut feeling. Never act out of guilt...you will regret it.
2006-10-16 12:27:09 · answer #2 · answered by onemelbgirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey, I hear yah! I ended my relationship with my Father 13 years ago and my family is always pressuring me to make up or something. As far as I am concerned, that will never happen. I have worked really hard to forgive him and move on in my life and not be judgemental about my family members continuing their relationships with him despite the fact that they know what he did to me my whole life. You know what is best for you. I think my Grandma finally got it when I gave her this analogy:
If you had a horse in the corral (they are ranchers) and everytime you went into the corral, the horse bit you or kicked you in the head, would you keep going back into that corral??? She hasn't bugged me again about this since then. It does make family gatherings a bit tense, but people need to get over your decision and support your need to stay healthy and positive in your life!
2006-10-16 12:34:50 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you dont have to like him or be around him, and I think its ok for you to call your new stepdad "dad" but I think that you should at least talk the situation out with your dad and try to find a way to forgive him. Be polite to him as much as you can, but you dont have to forgive him right away.
2006-10-16 12:20:07 · answer #4 · answered by renegade 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes, some people need to break free from crap, even if it means to break free from family.
Family isn't just about having the same blood... family is about love & understanding.
They need to understand your need to be free from the crap.
2006-10-16 12:24:32 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
properly Karina, I incredibly have those non emotions for the two a sort of persons. he's now ineffective; she continues to be alive yet I have not have been given any opt to be in her existence! the main subject is: i attempted to forgive, even though it basically did no longer ensue and that i comprehend that my writer would not choose me, because of the fact He is conscious I did attempt. So on your case, have you ever seen attempting to bridge a niche between this guy and your self? I be conscious you're saying: he abused your mum and siblings, yet you do no longer incorporate your self in this - does this recommend, he did no longer injury you? i think of you could desire to talk on your loved ones approximately this sense and consistent with hazard you will locate forgiveness and if no longer, a minimum of you have tried. Jehovah in basic terms judges us as quickly as we are no longer prepared to offer yet another a great gamble to make an apology. there is likewise a scripture that asserts to persons to no longer pass stressful their infants, so if on the tip of the day, you detect it impossible, yet you could pass on, then you definately are no longer being hypocritical. i replaced into sexual and verbally abused and suffered utter forget. I incredibly have surely no opt to comprehend mom, she would not deserve any admire and that i do no longer stay in a state of guilt because of the fact i comprehend i attempted to make a distinction; I even invited her into my domicile and that replaced right into a watch opener and whilst she replaced into right here, I suffered a poor cyst in my mouth and as quickly as she went - so did the cyst. For my wellbeing and sanity, I shop away and that i comprehend Jehovah would not choose me harshly. i comprehend you pronounced you % to alter right into a born returned christian, yet did you already know, that we are all born returned? yet some persons have the heavenly desire and something have the earthly desire. i think that I could desire to declare this, yet I recommend no injury: did you already know that Jesus is God's son? i comprehend that born returned, have self assurance in yet differently, yet we are entreated to choose by using Jesus to realize his Father. in basic terms a thought that consistent with hazard you could contemplate on:) i desire I incredibly have eased your locate somewhat than added on your burden?
2016-10-19 12:39:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is their problem tell them the subject is closed if they wish to continue to know you
2006-10-16 12:23:31 · answer #7 · answered by nora7142@verizon.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋