Too soon to talk about my problems with him?

Question

I've been dating a very sweet man for about 3 months now (maybe a bit more i'm no good with dates). Usually when one of us is upset about something in our lives we will bring it to the others attention, because that's one thing you get in a relationship for. But about a month ago he got laid off from his job (mass lay offs) and he knows that he's been a little bit of a strain on my pocket book because of it. IE sometimes if we go out i pay for both of us, i drive almost all of the time now and gas is obviously no cheap ect..

Well i had some surprise bills show up and because of them i am completely broke, on the verge of negative. and it upsets me a lot but i dont know if i should talk to him about it, because first theres nothing he can do to help, and because i know he'll feel like its greatly his fault for causing me to spend a bit more, though he never asks for what i spend on him.
He knows that my moneys been tight lately but not to this extent... what to do?

by the way, i'm wanting to tell him because it stresses me and i would like someone to help me feel better about it, not because i want him to magically fix my financial status.

Answer 1

I think you've been dating long enough, that you should be able to bring up something like that. The subject might very well make him uncomfortable, but since when is that a reason not to talk about something with the one you love?

Answer 2

Communication is the one of the major keys to a successful relationship. Sharing is another, and so is compromise. Without any of those... what do you have, and why be with anyone if you can't talk, share and compromise. You could just be alone. However, if you want this relationship to work .... you must be honest about your feelings in every situation. If you don't tell, you will end up building resentment. Therefore, I would explain to him that you know that he hasn't asked you to spend the extra money, but you enjoy doing things with him. However, it has caused you to spend more than you normally do, and you can't afford to keep spending the way you have. If he is caring, and not selfish, he will understand. You can still have fun doing cheaper things... IE: cook at home together, rent movies play board games, take a walk together, work out together, go to a free wine tastings' etc... I understand he may not be able to change your financial situation right now, but he can help it from not getting worse. Tell him you aren't not blaming him for your spending, but it worries you. That you want to be financially secure, and need to stop doing somethings that you've been able to do in the past. If he gets upset, it's because he feels guilty about the situation. You know a guys' success-ego- is usually measured by his income..this is a touchy subject. But you have to be honest with him and yourself. Good luck

Answer 3

O.Kay heres what you do 10 you should not spend money you dont have maybe the relationship will grow if you just hang around the house. You should also let him know that from now on you are unable to pay to go out to eat or movies etc and let him know you are financially strapped right now. If he understands and you guys work together through your broke times great if you feel it wont work then let him know and move on. But stop spending right now it is the only way to save cut your credit cards and just start paying things off maybe treat yourself to dinner once a week it worked for me it will work for you!Good Luck with everything

Answer 4

Don't worry things will get better, but I do think you should tell him, make him understand that you know it's not his fault and that he can't help it but you know there is something he can do about it and that is to start being more concient about his own expenses and try not to spend as much, just tell him you are a little tight on money and that you would appreciate it if he could help out by spending less;) hope it goes better for you!:P

Answer 5

Well in a situation like that I believe the best thing to do is tell him. A relationship is built from honesty and trust. So you should be honest with him and confront him. In a nice way ofcourse. Just tell him that you need to talk to him. I am sure if he cares he will listen. It will also take stress off of your shoulders when you tell him what you are feeling about the whole situation. Trust me it is the best thing you can do.

Answer 6

I don't think you have to tell him every little bit of what's wrong....you can just say you've run into some financial problems and it's really messed you up.

So for a while you guys will have to be creative and do some fun free stuff until you both get back on your feet.

How you get through bad times together says a lot for what kind of relationship you have and will have.

Answer 7

Ok, this is what you should do. Sit him on the coach, look him in the eye and say,"I have da Herps". Let him soak that in for a moment look at him real serious and let him chew on that info for a while. Then say,"Actually, I was just joking. I'm seriously broke and your not helping. I Love you, but we need to figure something out". He'll be so happy he doesn't have the herps and will readily help you find a solution to your problem. Just me!