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I came out of a long term relationship back in May, it ended badly and I got into in a rebound casual relationship with another girl. Three weeks ago I started getting chatted up at work, I'm a barman, by a gorgeous girl who is funny, intelligent, and everything I look for. We got talking and she was saying how much of a shame it was that I wasn't single, and I was thinking the same thing. I'm not a player, so I spoke to the rebound girl about everything, honesty is the best policy, and we ended it, turned out she wasn't after a relationship anyway. So I've spent time with this new lady, we have so much in common, from films to ice-cream to ambitions and beliefs. Nothing physical has happened other than a kiss, but she's said she really likes me. Then today she's told me that actually she isn't sure what she wants cos she isn't ready to get committed just yet, cos of work, etc. So confusing, thought it would be simple.... Should I back off and play it cool? Should I chase her? Help!

2006-10-16 11:41:30 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Singles & Dating

18 answers

You know how you stand on one side of the bar pouring drinks while she sits on the other side ordering? That's called a natural barrier. As long as she has one of those, it's exciting to flirt and play around with the person on the other side. It becomes a nice little fantasy and a stroke on the ol' ego. When that barrier is removed, there is a lingering effect of it for a little while, and then reality sets in.

She see's that it was more fun to flirt with someone unattainable than to be with him.

I'm sorry to say, reality set in.

Give her the space, continue to flirt at work, and remember, you don't actually need to go into a rebound relationship. If she likes you, she'll come aorund. If not, check out the redhead that's bound to come in next week.

2006-10-16 11:51:10 · answer #1 · answered by makawao_kane 6 · 1 1

poor you, maybe the fact that you were with someone was the ideal situation for her, or maybe she has really just decided that she doesn't want commitment. you don't say how long you have been seeing her - maybe you should talk to her and explain your disappointment and say, if she still enjoys your company could you see each other as friends and just play it cool. maybe you are showering her in feelings that she is just not ready for. If she feels that you are more serious than she is at this early stage then she is probably scared. perhaps she has been let down in the past and doesn't want to fall for you and it happen again. i wouldn't chase her, send a text or voice mail saying you understand and that you look forward to hearing from her, let her ring you, if after a week she doesn't then i think you have every right to ask her if she is ever going to be ready for a relationship with you or ask if you are wasting your time waiting. you may not get the answer you want but at least you will know where you stand and be able to move on, maybe back to your casual fling, for more of the same.

2006-10-16 12:40:30 · answer #2 · answered by ? 1 · 0 0

Play it cool. Don't get in touch as often as you normally would, see if she gets in touch with you. If she does, she likes you but just wants to take things slowly. If she doesn't get in touch then you'll know that she's changed her mind. Don't let her have complete control though, if she does get in touch, don't ask her out on a date, wait till she asks you or she'll start to think she has you wrapped round her finger. Relationships, new or old, are never simple, that's why we have to work harder for the ones we really want. Hope this makes sense to you, like you said, women are confusing. Hope you get what you want.

2006-10-16 11:52:34 · answer #3 · answered by cheryl 4 · 0 0

What you see is what you get. And if having no ambition to better himself is high on your list, nice guy or no nice guy, this man isn't the one you want. In a sentence or two, great relationships are The Four Biggies..... Respect, Admiration, Passion and Trust. You for sure have the last two for him. But what about the first two? Are you willing to settle for 50%. You write well, likely very educated. To women like you, brains, ambition, and education, are sexy. And they are the things bright women like. In your place, the mess isn't the problem... guys just aren't very tidy. They may indeed lift up the toilet seat, but they still pee all over it, and the floor, and we, as their wives, still clean it up. But frankly, opting to stay with a guy with no ambition wouldn't be anything I'd be able to have much passion for, for very long, and for sure wouldn't admire, nor respect a guy like that for very long. You asked.

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2016-04-14 05:34:57 · answer #4 · answered by Karen 4 · 0 0

The only thing I can say to you is to not let her go!:)
I mean this sounds like the girl of your dreams, like she's made for you or something! jeje talk to her and tell her how you feel, that you're not ready and do not want to let her go so you'll be there for her and hope she'll realize what an amazing thing this can be for you two!;)

2006-10-16 11:47:21 · answer #5 · answered by Delilah 2 · 0 0

Let's see, you're asking if you should pressure your new freind into a "step-up" in your relationship?
Build on what you have instead of rushing in headlong.
Lay back for a while, she's probably looking for your maturity level.

2006-10-16 11:48:23 · answer #6 · answered by George Curious 3 · 0 0

First of all women r not confusing mens brains just don't work that way. if shes not sure she wants a relationship don't push her, just wait until shes ready.

2006-10-16 12:48:35 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Well that`s what happen`s with two people with different lives.Take it as it is.Be friends if it`s mutual.Dont chase.Why dont You just enjoy talking to women,You dont have to have sex or want anything more.Perhaps this woman wants to see if Your over Your ex and doesn`t want to get hurt.Sort Your feelings out before You move on to a relationship.No maybe`s with ex.....friends,friends,friends

2006-10-17 01:07:35 · answer #8 · answered by JULIA E 3 · 0 0

Somthing has happened:

1) You said/did somthing to make her skiddish. If not...

2) She scared herself, maybe starting liking you more than she is used to liking someone. If not...

3) She's met someone else and she wasn't that serious about you anyway.

***(I personally think it's #2)***

2006-10-16 11:47:25 · answer #9 · answered by Clerical error 4 · 0 0

back off - if shes playing games she'll realise her mistakes and change her ways - if she does need space - you're being obliging and giving it to her. Tell her you're still interested but will give her time to sort herself out. xx

2006-10-17 00:43:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

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