What happens when you realise that there is nothing left. I have suddenly realised how really f*ck*d up my life is and I am scared about the future.
I have lost all direction and feel so alone.
Basically today I realised that a lot of my issues and problems in life are things that I have caused myself because my subconcious mind is punishing me. Every time something came along that would have made my life truly better I subconsciously denied myself of it, reshaping basic desires and instincts to keep me miserable inside without knowing why.
And now I know why I am who I am... but I can't do anything about it. I keep on feeling I can only lose.
It seems so stupid and melodramatic... like being a foolish kid again, making nothing into something... but it isn't really like that. I've been there, done that, and have the scars to prove it. This is different. I'm tired...
What is there left for me? How can I fight myself and win?
Am I doomed?
2006-10-16 11:31:48 · 16 answers · asked by monkeymanelvis 7 in Health ➔ Mental Health
This is not depression. I have suffered depression in the past. This is very different. VERY different. Like the taste of salmon is different from Abraham Lincoln.
My problem is that I have realised I will never alllow myself to be happy and this is a basic and intrinsic part of my personality. It is like the fact that I have dyslexia or that I am alergic to cats.
I will never allow myself to be 100% happy and I want to know what I should do to help me feel better about this fact.
2006-10-16 11:47:07 · update #1
I AM NOT SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION. THIS IS NOTB DEPRESSION. THIS IS NOT DEPRESSION. THIS IS N O T DEPRESSION. Right.
I have realised that:
1 - I have some sort of personality disorder that will stop me from ever enjoying any true highs in life.
2 - I am at the moment upset by the realisation of this.
3 - I can not see any way of getting rid of this without altering my personality so much that I am basically killing the wonderful person I am and replacing him with someone else.
4 - I am not, in general, miserable. My life is not terrible. I am not suicidal. I am usually reasonably content wity things.
5 - I am not suffereing from depression. I suffered from depression for 6 years. I know what that is. This is not at all like that. I am N O T suffering from depression.
So what I want to know is -
How should I cope with the realisation that I will not be totally happy ever?
2006-10-16 12:07:14 · update #2
I think you need to find your purpose in life. Everyone's got one. Sometimes it comes easily, other times you have to work at it and try every cap to see which one fits... I think once you feel useful and valuable to society then you'll feel better in yourself.
Also, I don't know if you're into astrology but Saturn's influence when you're around 27, 28 will turn your life totally round, and chances are for the better. Before 27 I was a total mess and didn't know what I was doing. But since then I feel like I've been reborn, and feel a lot more confident.
Also, finding out that my weird talent for creating was actually quite useful and acceptable to someone gave me quite a shot in the arm...
Maybe you ought to write a list of your best qualities and then consider what your options are from the list in front of you. Also, if you're still into your archaeology then try and get involved in some local digs (they're always going on). Or maybe try a bit of freelance writing? You're intelligent and articulate and informed, why not try it?
And you must think of your troubles as little birds that you have to set free. Acknowledge the problem then set it free. Otherwise you will be constantly bogged down by the past and thus nothing can ever evolve.
:-D
2006-10-16 11:58:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Did you know that by you realizing what you have been doing is actually a great thing. I know it seems horrible when suddenly you find the reality in something you thought was uncontrollable. The fact is the mind is so powerfull, the more you think of all the things that are wrong with you and the more you tell yourself how unhappy you are, thats how you will stay. I know that it is hard to just suddenly change your thinking pattern but it has to be done, you know that you not happy living the way you have been to put some actions into it. Stay off the computer trying to read up on the things that may be wrong with you and avoid telling yourself that you can't take it because you can and you have been so if you catch yourself correct it. All of the things that you notice that are caused by the things you do CHANGE IT, the longer you let this be the pattern of your life, the harder it will be to change it. It is no easy process any way but remember you are not doomed. you know what once you have hit rock bottom (which it seems you have) the only way to go is up and by you realizing what has been hapening is someone throwing the rope down. You can email me if you would like I am currently in a group for the same thing and it has helped A LOT!! Good luck to you!
2006-10-16 12:16:03 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may feel like you're 100% in the hole, but it sounds to me that you're actually much closer to being happy and at peace with yourself than you're able to see right now.
The hardest part, the part that you have already done, the one thing that many people are never able to do, is identifying the source. You are the only thing keeping yourself from happiness. You CAN do something about it, too. I'm sure that what you're feeling, what you wrote about, seems to be the way you feel all the time. But I'll bet, if you can just give yourself a few days, you'll find that that feeling is not permanent, only temporary. It seems to be the way you feel the majority of the time because the negative ALWAYS has more bearing than the positive.
When you do get to the point that you feel that doom is not eminent, I ask you to think THEN about how to better yourself. When you feel doomed, there's really not much help you can give yourself. For now, if you have the energy, I recommend doing something that used to give you joy. Put on some happy music (I'm not talking about Christmas music, I mean, put on KMFDM if that makes you happy, most people don't understand that) make some cookies, draw, write, clean the bathroom, I don't know -- whatever it is that is a happy thing to do for yourself. Try not to think so hard inside yourself today, try to put your thoughts into something else. Give your brain a break! : )
You'll be okay. And I don't believe you're doomed.
2006-10-16 11:48:54 · answer #3 · answered by Lindsey 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you will never be 100% happy (which nobody ever will) - then by the same rational you will never be 100% sad! You can never really fill a glass with liquid, there is always room for one more drop in ideal conditions. Being happy isn't about percentages it's about contentment within oneself and your surroundings. Perhaps you do have a medical condition and nobody on here is qualified to say (unless they're lying), so suggest you seek more help. I see from your pic that you're female...;-) joke!
2006-10-16 12:47:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hang in there! If you are female, and your problems relate to childhood abuse id recommend reading DAYBREAK by Maureen Brady. Its a meditation book and is very good. Although i dont see why it would not help the male species!!!
Regarding your dyslexia - try the DORE PROGRAMME, you can find them on the web, dyslexia in itself is a struggle - there has been some great reviews and outcomes with this programme- read the results. It is a non-invasive treatment and this may be a positive thing to concentrate on and make you feel better about yourself.
Take care.
2006-10-16 12:06:14 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not doomed!
Do you know this?
I have seen the light of 1000 stars but none so bright as the light within!
I agree with you. All in life seems stupid and melodramatic.
Will you listen if I tell you, you can only win!
Will you listen if I tell you, you are not being punished!
Your life is a jewel. You are this jewel! A clear cut diamond has many facets!
I send you light and wishes of great joy. You sound like you are ready to discover how wonderful you are and your life is.
Please know that life is not limited to this world alone!
Have you ever tried to discover how to Orca Drift?
One more thing. You are not alone! You may be at the beginning of something fantastic! I encourage you to use your imagination!
Please let me know if I can help you in any way.
Have fun but remember to be safe!
2006-10-16 11:45:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
,I have been where you are, but you need to sort out the reason for constantly beating your self up, and why you deni yourself the pleasures in life.
For me it was my mother who killed herself when I was nine yrs old and for most of my life I blamed my self I know now it wasn't but I am now in my 40's and this realisation is recent so please get some help and stop punishing yourself because life is short and truly worth living good luck.
IT SEEMS TO ME YOU HAVE ANSWERED YOUR OWN QUESTION!!!
How ever to answer your so eloquently asked question I have got the idea you think you don't have depression but let me say that the fact that you have come to this realisation that you will never be truly happy must make you feel in some way depressed now before you go of again, let me say there are many different forms of depression for you to feel that you can't be truly happy is hard to understand and accept because there is alot of madness in this world and I think if you look a bit harder you will find what it is that will make you happy also I would be interested to know you definition of "HAPPY" I do feel for you but you need to dig deep and answer that question????????????????
2006-10-16 11:41:32 · answer #7 · answered by raliegh 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well Just Letting you know im 16...so your not talking to any adult here. I've had a hard time ...i mean everyone has some extent. The thing is you cant let your past hurt whats going on in your present. Your skeletons will always be with you but its kind of your choice whether or not to make yourself a victim to them. You feel like you push good things away? Mabe your afraid of good things. I always have been to. You never relize that you are until its like one day your like WHAT AM I DOING! My advice.....the only person who knows you best is yourself.....so have a long conversation with that person and work on fixing them. I used to say im not broken and i dont need fixed...but if your hurting and blaming yourself somethings got to change.
2006-10-16 11:40:35 · answer #8 · answered by And kayla was like 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No your not doomed, but if you feel that way, it is time to visit a doctor who can steer you in the right direction. Sounds like some depression going on here. There are ways to defeat this.
Many many meds for this to help, with your doctors guidance, and a therapist would help tons too. You are not a loser. No one is , when you start to feel that way all the time you need help. Good solid help, not only from outsiders but family and friends.
Go to your doctor immediately and seek help, that is why you pay him/her ....
Good luck
2006-10-16 11:41:57 · answer #9 · answered by Kay M 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are not doomed at all. Please see a doctor, preferably in the psch community. He/she will help you along with feelings and bring to light that you maybe suffering from depression. This mental illness is treatable with the correct medication, and life can go on. You may need some sort of therapy to walk you over the rough spots.
Best of luck.
2006-10-16 11:38:07 · answer #10 · answered by been there, done that 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋