i am very depressed, but?

Question

but am i Suicidal? I like the feel of pain, such as getting burned at work and the terrible feeling of the blood rushing back through my legs after sitting on them for a couple of hours. I think about how peaceful death is and wish i had that peace. Yes i am in counsiling and seeing a phycatrist and taking prozac on a very low dosage. I have been having terrible dreams for every night for the past 10 years. I have talked to my parents, but they just don't seem to understand me. I read all the time as an escape from the world, i don't have many friends because when i was younger i was harassed by the kids. I find trusting anyone to be a big problem. Though i wish for death i don't want to kill myself, though i wish some car or something would just hit me. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

Hurting yourself is actually pretty common - it is a distraction from painful emotions and is a coping technique for some people. It's better than killing yourself, but it is still a very dangerous thing to do and if you don't stop, it can get a lot worse, where you will be left with scars and physical problems that are permanent.

If you haven't already, you need to call your counselor RIGHT NOW and tell him/her all the things that you just told us. It sounds like you are not on the right dosage of medication and might need other help, more than you are getting now. You are not a freak or abnormal, but you have a serious illness that needs attention right away.

Reading is a good thing to do to escape, a healthier way to cope. My way to cope is music. Some people take walks in the mountains or at the beach. Others spend time with friends. There are lots of ways to cope and feel better without hurting yourself.

I recommend that you first call your therapist and/or psychiatrist's offices, leave messages for them to call you right away, tell the receptionist it is an emergency. While you are waiting for them to call you back, do something healthy to make you feel better like reading or listening to music.

p.s. here is a phone number for you: 1-800-448-3000. This is a 24-hour hotline for young people that is staffed by professional counselors. They can help with problems big or small and are great listeners. (Girls' and Boys' Town National Hotline).

Answer 2

I understand what you are saying. I have been to that dark lonely place. It is very difficult for someone who has not had depression to understand it.

You say you use your books as a way of escaping the world. I used to escape my world by daydreaming, even as a child.

You need to try to identify EXACTLY what it is that you are trying to escape from...what you are afraid of.

Write down a list of things you think you are trying to avoid or that you fear.

Then next to each one write the following :

1. How that 'thing' makes you feel
2. Exactly WHAT you are thinking about this 'thing'
3.What the evidence is for thinking this way
4. What is the evidence for NOT thinking this way.

When we are depressed logic goes out of the window.
But in order to tackle some of the fears and anxieties we need to challenge them in a logical and scientic way ( as above)

Next, energy breeds energy. So no matter how hard it seems (and I know it can be very hard), take some time away from your books and do something different. It doesn't have to be much but it should be something you wouldn't mind doing.

Increase this each day: see as part of your treatment plan.
I'm sure you already know what an important part the happy hormones play in recovery and that exercise induces these.

The feelings about not caring if you are hurt - hope you have told your doc. about these. Maybe your meds need to be increased? Ask him/her.

Your mum and dad, I'm sure are very worried about you. Sometimes parents react to depression in their 'kids' with open fear, anger or plain denial because they can't bear to see you go through this pain, especially when they don't know how they can help.

I really do feel you need to get into the outside world more. Even if only for short periods of time. Say a relaxing walk to somewhere you like to be. The more time you spend 'inside' a book, the more removed you will become.

Take things at YOUR pace so that you feel you are in control, but do keep the pace going.

Thinking of you best wishes.

Answer 3

I believe that at the moment you may be unable to consider what life may be like past this time. Do you regularly plan out your future? I think that suicide is often the result of thinking only in the present, when everything seems dark and gloomy. I hope that you will grow to appreciate life as I do, and if you would like to email me, I would be very happy to be a friend to you if you need someone. Sometimes talking to someone you don't know is "safer" than taking to parents or a therapist because then you fear opening up. Please, if you need help, do not be afraid to request it.

Answer 4

i suggest u get a boyfriend if ur a girl, or a girlfriend if ur a guy.. move somewhere else.. seriously, im not just saying this as a joke, start out somewhere new. get a job, get out more. be more social, being shy is ok. but get a job, and make new friends once u move. and also understand u dont have the power to change everything thats going to happen to u, but the power to accept what will happen.

Answer 5

okay personally i really think sucide is not the best answer you could possibly like try something new like try music to release some of those negative toughts and i think about those dreams dicusss them more with your psycatrist and i also think get out side volunteer and do something and make you feel proud of your self and you could possibly make friends from volunteering and they are some websites that you could go to like my space bebo and for your trust your issues you have to take it one step at a time is hard to trust people but belive in yourself and you could make it happen.

Answer 6

No, you don't sound suicidal...depressed yes.
Do you like your therapist?
Do you feel like he/she is helping you?
If not try a different one.
And if you have bad emotional thoughts try this web site. It really works.
www.emofree.com