Friendship Probs. Whos Fault?

Question

Ok, my BFF has ADHD * We are like the bestestest friends ever. But her ADHD sometimes make it hard for our friendship. Sometimes she is really annoying acting as if she were a 5 yr. old instead of a 14 yr old. I know its not her fault that she has ADHD but how can i cope with it? I do not want to make her mad or upset but i am tired of puting up with hes actions. I think its 3 things that are causing this issue, 1)Her ADHD 2)My Insensitivity and 3)Possible sied effects of her mediction(Ritalin)????? Any input would be great! Thanx!




*Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder

Answer 1

I know this is tough, because a good friend of mine has ADHD. I know it can get frustrating at times, but it's not her fault. She can't control her actions at times, so you just have to accept the fact that you can't change who she is.
She's still a good person on the inside, so look past her ADHD. I'm pretty sure you already do =) but just don't use it as an excuse for your friendship troubles. Just try to keep an open mind when you spend time with her... that's what I do. If something about what she does bothers you, you can tell her, as long as you tell her in a respectable manner. Take into account her feelings as well, so if you think that what you tell her will hurt her, just talk itout with someone else.

Hope this helps =)

Answer 2

Maybe wait until she is calm, in a good mood, etc., a time when she is easier to talk to, and then tell her how you feel. Just tell her that you are having trouble knowing how to deal with her - use "I" statements rather than "YOU" statements - like for example, don't say, "You act immature and it drives me crazy;" instead say something like, "I feel kind of annoyed when your ADHD acts up. I feel frustrated because it seems you sometimes act immature, and I would rather see you be yourself." Ask her if there is anything you can do to handle her illness better, and maybe look into those things yourself, like maybe a support group or something. Ask your school counselor. A school nurse can tell you about the side effects of medication. If her behavior seems like it might be a side effect, you could ask her if she has ever thought about going on a different one. But that would be a decision for her parents and her doctor to make.

It's wonderful that you are trying to work with this instead of just writing her off. And it is also great that you recognize you have some insensitivity. She might not be aware that she is behaving this way.

But don't be too hard on yourself. There is a school of thought that ADHD is over-diagnosed and that some kids can be, and are, managed better with behavior modification techniques, diet and exercise, turning off the TV, etc., and might not even need medication anymore.

So one thing you can do is help her by doing positive things with her as friends, that might help her overcome her ADHD or at least make it better. Like if you usually hang out and watch TV or play video games, maybe go for walks or shoot some hoops instead. If you usually go out to McDonalds, try making a veggie and dip platter or fruit smoothies instead (fun and food).

You sound like a great friend and I know you guys will be able to overcome this temporary obstacle. Good luck.

Answer 3

Side effects of Ritalin are more commonly decreased appetite and/or sleepiness (that is if they don't have the correct dosage). So immature behavior/regressive behaviors are not a side effect of medication but symptoms of ADHD. It is very common to be annoyed at someone with ADHD (unfortunately it is something they have to live with everyday) because of their tendancy to be less mature than others their age and their impulsivity and poor social skills (their poor concentration/attention affects how the learn to pick up social skills as they develop). However, someone with ADHD is capable of controlling these characteristics to a certain extent. Therapy may be an option if they need skills to assist themselves with controlling these behaviors. People with ADHD are well-meaning and do not mean to be annoying but need to be made aware (gently) that their behaviors are interfering with relationships; most of the time they are not even aware that they are doing something inappropriate. So be patient and realize that they are most likely not doing on purpose, but gently help them realize what they need to improve on. Good luck!

Answer 4

If you are a true friend, you just need to be there for her no matter what. You know she has that problem and with all the research we have on ADHD you should know that it is a hard problem to deal with. She's going to need all the help she can. Just be a friend and when she does do something you do not like, tell her in a nice and friendly way. Don't be harsh.

Answer 5

It's not any one person's fault. It sounds like you both value your friendship. As long as you are both able to focus on how much you like eachother, the other stuff will fall to the wayside. There is a good book out there (can't think of author) entitled, "Ritalin is not the answer" you might consider reading. It can give you a better understanding of what the ritalin is doing to your friend, and a better understanding of how you can help tame her ADHD.