We had a 2 year long divorce, which ended with trial last December (2005). Our daughter is 5 1/2 years old. I have two other boys, ages 8 and 10 years from a previous mariage. He doesn't see the boys, but has visits with his daughter per the parenting plan.
The judge ordered that he has time with her every first, third and fith weekend, Thursday through Sunday. The judge also ordered that he sees her on Wednesdays from 4pm to 7pm.
Since January, most Wednesdays have been from 11:30A to 3p, with him picking her up from school and me picking her up at his place 20 miles away.Now he says that he has a new job (he has two others, too) and wants to enforce the 4-7pm time, even though this would conflict with any work I have. My two boys also get home from school at 3:45p and are in Bed around 8pm. I would have to find a sitter for them twice on Wednesdays. It is not a good idea to bring them with me for various resons. Am I being unresonable in demanding to keep the 1130-3p?
2006-10-16 09:01:47 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Also, I understand that my ex has a new job and that he thinks it might be a carreer, but he also has a track record (we were married for 5+years) of not holding any job for an extended period of time. There has been only one he has... I feel like this is just another game with him and that he is still trying to control my life and my childrens lives by making them revolve around his...
2006-10-16 09:05:22 · update #1
Hello, More info:
I never agreed to the time of 4-7pm, thats why we were doing it the other way, because I can't ignore the needs of my other two children either.
I also did not agree to Wednesdays, right in the middle of the work week.
I am trying to keep my childrens best interest in mind and what is good for the family as a whole...
Also for the driving... it is in the court order that he picks her up at the begining of his time at a local store (w/cameras out front) and I pick her up at the end of his time aoutside the police dept. where her lives, also cameras. The cameras are becasue he has assulted me many times in the past and yells at me during these times.
I want to take this time change to court and make it perminant, but we have to attend mediation together before that happens. We are doing that today to see if we can agree on anything... though I am very nervous about this....
2006-10-16 09:52:24 · update #2
You both need to do what is right for the child. Do not punish the children just to get even with the ex. Be a good example for all of your children.
I would also not date again until the kids are out of the house. Too messy with all of the breakups already.
2006-10-16 09:04:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Not unreasonable, per se, but the fact remains that the 4-7 pm time was ordered by the court, and since you and your ex never reduced your 11:30-3:00 agreement to writing, the court order is the starting point for any review of the situation.
As many others have rightly noted, this is not about what is convenient for either you or your ex, this is about your daughter's right to have her father in her life. If the court-ordered time really does pose a significant problem, then your best option (short of getting your ex to agree to a new schedule) to to move to modify the visitation based upon your concerns.
In the end, raising children in the rubric of a divorce is never easy, but so long as you always work for your child's best interests, you will be doing what is right in the long run.
2006-10-16 09:21:05 · answer #2 · answered by PosseComitatus 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know what you are going through I have three year old little boy and his father and I went through the same situation . The best thing to do is work out some type of time agreement and get it in writing and the both of you sign it. Now so far as you having to drive 20 miles, I know in my court orders it , Say's that the non-custodial parent is to pick up and drop off the child at the custodial parents address on the court order. Just be care full because breaking the court order on your part puts the ball in his court. I hope this helps if you need anything Else feel free to ask me...
2006-10-16 10:01:08 · answer #3 · answered by Cathleen Spencer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Isn't it great how folks always want to follow the court orders only when it is convenient for THEM? I'd say go ahead with his plan though, and have him drop her off one week and you pick her up the next, so it's fair on both sides. You both cannot leave an 8 and 10 yr old at home alone, you can't take them with you, you are working too, but your ex still has a right to see his daughter and vice versa. If it's the only rational way for him to go, then make sure you both are sharing the responsibilty of her transportation, and are fair about it (grudges aside!). And don't put your daughter in earshot of any discussions thereof.
2006-10-16 09:13:47 · answer #4 · answered by Angela M 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may like things the way they are, but you were breaking the rules with that time period before, and if he is demanding that you follow the court order, frankly I am not sure you'll have much of a choice but to do it.
As far as "conflicting with any work you have" (I'm not sure what this means) I would imagine that you could work out some sort of schedule with your work.
Thinking about it more, your description is confusing anyway. Why would you need a babysitter twice on weds? The kids are in school the first part, and technically would have to be with dad for the rest of the afternoon.
2006-10-16 09:09:41 · answer #5 · answered by mranswerguy 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If that's the court order, I would try to abide by it, you can get in trouble for not following it. My daughter goes to her father on Tuesday morning at 9 and comes home Wednesday at 11, but when she starts school next year I have to go back to court to get this changed. The only thing you can do is go back to court. They also have mediators at most courthouses that will sit you and your ex down and talk to both of you until you two can agree on a visitation time that will suit both of you. But if your ex wants your daughter at the time that the order says, you shouldn't deny him, because if he were to take you to court for not following that order, it could be bad. It wouldn't get him more visitation time or anything, but after a judge sees that you didn't follow the order, he or she will pretty much give him whatever times he wants. So my advice to you would be to go to the courthouse and file a petition for visitation changes. If you can change to his liking for the time being, do that. But if there is absolutely no way to make it work, explain to your ex that he has to give you a little time to arrange some kind of plan.
2006-10-16 09:10:55 · answer #6 · answered by ~~kelly~~ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are thinking only of your schedule and he is thinking only of his. Your daughter is the one who suffers emotionally when the two of you fight. If you can be the 1st to take a reasonable, generous attitude maybe he will learn from your example. Pretend he is a friend or relative of yours, instead of the ex husband you really dislike. This will help you be more empathetic to his position. Say something like, "I really want you to be able to see her at 4-7 when it is convenient to you, but it is very hard for me to transport her then because of the boys. Can you find a way to provide transportation both ways if we switch the visit time?" If you can reach a compromise the whole environment surrounding the divorce will be nicer for your daughter. If you can't compromise, he might force you to do everything he wants anyway through the courts, and things will just get more ugly and hostile.
2006-10-16 09:11:31 · answer #7 · answered by z 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As an opinion, I don't think any particular times are enforcable.
That he wants to see and be a part of his daughters life should not be jeopardized, period.
I do not know the details of your divorce, nor do I want to, but stop for a minute and consider the stories you hear of men who just disappear and show no desire to be a part of or support their families.
Then sit down and work out a plan with your ex, maybe it is not Wednesday, maybe it is Tuesday.
Geez, work a little bit here. You shouldn't have to shoulder an expense to meet his schedule, but you could work out a schedule that works.
Consider yourself lucky.
This is #2 for you, kinda gets hard to give you all the benefit of the doubt.
2006-10-16 09:09:42 · answer #8 · answered by David S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
one forget the past. if he is getting a job maybe he is trying more cause of the kids? either way don't punish the kid cause of your and his problems. not many guys want time with their kids. im a father of 1 boy and i don't nearly get to see him as much as id like. but it's something i have to live with. let the kids have a dad. and if it means you need another baby sitter that day see if he will compramise and help you get it where he can see the kid. maybe pay for the baby sitter or atleast half. compromise is a big thing in this issue. but the main thing is we need to act like adults and remember kids come first before anything.
2006-10-16 13:45:14 · answer #9 · answered by chad_27292 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must stick to the vistation schedule, does it really say you have to pick up? If you want to change the schedule then go back to court.
The most important thing is to consider your daughter, under no circumstance let her know you and daddy are having problems with the visitation schedule.
2006-10-16 09:05:13 · answer #10 · answered by Robyn C 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋