How do you fall OUT of love with someone?

Question

My BF of 3 years broke up with me, saying he "didn't feel anything" and that I felt more like a little sister than a girlfriend. I've been in love with him for 6 years and even though I know he's a jerk, it's been really hard letting him go. Any advice?

Okay, I guess I should add that I am only 15 years old and have no plans to become sexually active, so having sex with someone new (??? what???) is not going to help me.

Answer 1

Sit down and think about yourself. I'll tell you something I read about girls and women, that might not be true of all people, but is true for me. I read that girls and women tend to remember relationships based on the first few times, or the good times that she had with her boyfriend. So when you think of this guy, do you tend to remember the good stuff, and think how great it was? How tender he was? How sweet? When you do this, you are remembering the part of the relationship that you enjoyed. But you are denying and temporarily forgetting something. This wonderful memory is NOT who that guy is. That was only that guy on a good day, at a good time. Now think of the other times, when he disappointed you. When he didn't or wouldn't or couldn't give you what you wanted. If he said he feels like you are a little sister rather than a girlfriend: Do you want a guy as your boyfriend who thinks of you as a little sister? Imagine that you are with a boy or man who loves you. Imagine that they look at you and appreciate your smile, your personality, your face, your willingness to give. There is a man or boy out there who could really love you. He would laugh with you, he might buy you little gifts, or take you places. He would constantly be lettting you know how much he cared for you, and liked you, by his behavior. Did this guy act like that? No. What you seem to be doing is thinking about what you "wish" would have happened You were in love with him you said, for 6 years, but I think you were in love with the idea of being with this guy, if he were acting the way you like him to act. You really didn't like when he was a jerk; but you tried to pretend, in your own mind, that this wasn't really him, it was just him when he was not in his best mood or best light.

Here's another secret. You can be happy and you can be in love with someone and they can be in love with you. But before you can be in love with someone and they in love with you, you have to close the door to the jerk.

It's kind of magic. If you close the door mentally, to this jerk, then another door will open, a door for another person to enter and meet you.

Sit down and write down all the things about you that you like. Now imagine some things that you would want to do with the person of your dreams, even if you can't really see what he looks like...

Fantasize. Are you kissing? Are you dancing? What are you doing together? Does he have his arms around you at a holiday dinner with family? Are you laughing? Just pretend that you're in a relationship with a guy that makes you happy. Notice how you fantasize. Is he someone you trust? Are you holding hands? Is he looking into your face with a warm smile?

If you do this exercise, you are actually practicing closing the door on the last guy; and sending out a "message" to the world of what you want, even if you don't put a name or face to it.

I did this and met the man of my dreams, after dating the wrong people.

Good luck to you. You deserve love and happiness!

Answer 2

Consider yourself lucky at this time since he is the one that broke things off. He obviously doesn't deserve you if he doesn't even appreciate how dedicated you have been to him for the past six years. You should evaluate yourself and regroup the things that are great about you and remind yourself about what it is exactly that he is going to miss out on now that he is not a BF to you anymore. There is always someone out there that will fall in love with you for who you are. It may just take some time to fall into the arms of some fantastic guy that will appreciate you for what you have to offer and not in a sexual kind of way. Stay strong and know that he is the one losing out and he has actually given you a great gift of starting over and being able to see what kinds of better opportunities are out there rather than settling for a "jerk".

Answer 3

People fall out of love if the following:
1. they never really loved them from the beginning (and I mean as girlfriend, lover, potential wife) because they can love you as a friend and still be with you. Which really sucks!
2. They have met someone they have fallen in love with (not you). And they have realized that what they were lookingfor in a mate was not at all what they had going with you.
Truth hurts.
Dont call your ex-man a jerk for being honest with you. Isint that what us women want? Lets stop complaining about being brokenhearted and start appreciating when a man is honest with us. YEah it was three years...but it could have been 4, 5, 6, 7 ....you ge the point. LOVE. LEARN. MOVE ON.
He obviously has already.
Good luck!

Answer 4

Try to stay occupied in other activities so as not to spend too much free time that could easily stray into thinking about him. This also allows you to meet new people, friends or otherwise.

Also, be aware that it's not you... even if he clearly hadn't said so, which he did ("he didn't feel anything", e.g. a problem entirely his), this isn't about you. It's about the chemistry not being right or he not wanting a girlfriend right now or even wanting a girlfriend who'd put out or whatever, who knows what men this age think about. In any case, it's not about you.

When you're remembering good times, try to replace every good thought with a time where he wasn't nice. You'll see that you've let go a faulted man, not some Greek God... and you'll feel better.

Answer 5

My dear, if you truly love someone, you never actually "fall out of love" with them...ever.

What happens is that the shape of your love for them changes. Instead of it looking like something that could maybe turn into a life long relationship with a marriage, children and the white picket fence, it can change into a deep and honest appreciation for every amazing thing this person IS. That way you continue to honor the shining light that they are, but you have set them free from having to star in your personal fantasy of who YOU expect THEM to be.

Love is like mercury. It just IS. And when it shows up in different situations, it moves and bends and fills in all the gaps of your life taking the shape of what you are feeling. Know that when you move on from a relationship, ALL your love is still there and completely intact and when you find a new place to pour some out, it will again take the shape of the new place you are in.

People who were once wrapped in your love can become like a private art gallery in your heart. Go there when you want to feel grateful for the beauty, adventure and wonder of those you have had the honor to spend time with. It's a really good thing.

Answer 6

Okay...your young...
and youve probably heard it before, but I'll say it just for the record
it could have been "PUPPY LOVE"
Ofcourse its hard for you to let go, you've loved him for six years, and being so young that is how a lot of people end up being together their whole lives: Falling in love with each other from teen years.
The hard thing is this guy is probably everything you have in your life right now. He is what 'fits' you, but he doesn't feel the same way. In fact, from what he said(didnt feel anything) sounds like he wants to try new people. He wants to find a perfect somebody, that perfection that he is looking for - isnt you(sorry).
Its not the end of the world, you have to accept it. Your parents will see how much of an adult you are if you just leave and go on with life. And when you find your next love one you take it slow.
Just remember it may be over for now, its not always over forever.
He could come crawling back to you one day after trying with other girls, and wanting-desiring-only you.
Just make sure that when that day comes, you have a camera ready.

Answer 7

Awww, you're 15 and have been with this guy for 3 years? You're so young, you have so much time ahead of you! You will find another boyfriend who you love just as much, if not more than this guy! I know it hurts now, but just take it a day at a time and soon you'll feel better. Go out with your friends, and try not to focus too much on "letting him go." You will let him go naturally, it just takes time to get over the hurt and realize that you can be happy without him. Don't push yourself, just let yourself be sad over what's lost for a little while, then move on when you are ready.

Please don't settle for just being "in love" with a guy, cause you can be in love with many people. Find someone who you respect, and who respects you. Hang in there!

Answer 8

Time is your friend. Love fades, if you will let it, with time. When you use your energy to look at the fact that you are both so young.This is more of an infatuation because you are learning about what love really is. Real love isn't something that stops abruptly.

Keep busy, don't feel sorry for yourself. You are much to young to be having sex, whoever said that to you should have their head examined. Bf's come and go when you are in your teens, try not to take them too seriously. All boys want is sex, and when they don't get what they want...adios...good riddance. Who wants someone like that?

Enjoy all the things available to you, respect yourself, be good to you. You have a great deal of living to do.

Answer 9

The answer is quite simple, though you might not like it:

Emotions are like a loop... a circle or ring if you prefer: One side of it lies indifference, and on the other side lie the extremes of emotion. The point is that they are linked and can actually switch over fairly easily.
If you just want to fall out of love with someone, its a very simple matter to convince yourself that you hate them instead. Love and hate are just a hairline away from each other, and its far too easy to slip from one to the other.

If you would rather not think of him at all though, and wish to aim for the indifferent place on the other side of the loop... the best method is to keep away from anything that you might associate with him as best you can... and to chastise / punish yourself whenever you think of him. If you do that enough then you will subconsciously begin to avoid thinking about him and should soon lose any particular cognitive association you ever had with him.


Then again, I have the opposite problem. I've been through a few strong relationships and had them shatter rather extremely... and have adapted not to get so attached any more... so I find it difficult to actually keep myself attached to anyone. Sufficient time and suffering will eventually kill any love you might have... if you're ready to go through with it.

Answer 10

Sorry, but there's no easy way out to fall out of love with someone. I know how tough it can be when the one you've had such strong feelings for doesn't feel the same way about you anymore. It's not easy, but to feel like you can let go, you need to think through everything that's happened and learn to let it go.

Sort through all the thoughts in your mind. Just let it wander on the idea of him. I won't lie, sometimes it's really painful and may take a while, but once you figure everything out, you'll be saying 'My ex who?' when someone asks you about him.

Figure out what it is exactly that's still attracting you to him, what the good points of letting go are. Always look on the bright side. Love is never easy, but you've learned something from this experience as you do from every experience and life's journeys.

Answer 11

Time is the only thing that will heal your broken heart. There is nothing you can do to forget or to fall out of love. 6 years is a long time to feel so strongly about someone so it will certainly take awhile to move on completely, but YOU WILL.

This is a life experience, you learned something and this will help make you the person you are meant to be. Try and put a positive light on it and use it as a milestone as well as a stepping stone.