Are there any early indicators of cheaters?

Question

So I've been dating this uber-babe (doctor, tri-athlete, hot, etc) for two months and am thinking about making it more serious. I have to ask myself the question though, is she going to cheat on me, just like many of you have before.

Please don't respond with 'just trust her', as you certainly will not get points with that, nor will I take your advice. I'll also mention pre-emptively that I am quite secure with myself, I've never been cheated on, and aside from the usual 'playing hard to get' I have no reason to be suspicious.

I'm not looking for ideas to set her up with a friend. Or to lie to her. I just want to know if there are early indicators that you've noticed before being cheated on. A 'test', if you will, would be appropriate at this stage in our relationship.

Oh yeah, and I'm not going to 'just ask her'. A little bit of thought tells you that a cheater will not admit to it, and if she's not a cheater, she would just be insulted.

Ok, and no I've never cheated on a gf. I have no reason to lie here because you don't know me and I don't care what you think.

I expect to be repeatedly tested by such an amazing woman... why do people get so defensive about this line of questions?

Thank you JustMe, for taking this question seriously. To be honest though, she often works 12+ hours a day, because she's a new military doctor. So there are lots of nights a week we don't see each other. That's ok though; I'm not a clingy guy, and I'm often just as busy with my own job.

She treats me great, but that could easily be as much learned behavior as honest affection...

Thank you Honey59, for your very informed response. I have learned most of my 'game' (or whatever... I know some of you will flame me for even using that word) from women, and I know exactly what you mean. That's how I have attracted this woman (this doesn't happen by luck).

Never-the-less, I'm in this for me first, her second. I want to be happy so I'll make her happy kind of thing. I've learned a lot about testing women to see if they're worth dating or not, and this question is a natural extension of that.

Also, to answer some other questions/suggestions, she just moved into town and I do not yet have access to info on past boyfriends/friends to ask them... it leaves me in kind of a bind.

To repeat myself again, I'm not insecure, I just don't want to waste my time like I have in the past (other reasons, not cheating).

Thanks again for your awesome answers!

Diaz276, that is a very profound statement that unfortunately does not answer my question. That is by far the best 'just trust her' response I've recieved in this line of questions though, and I will consider it. Thank you.

Answer 1

What do you know about her former relationships? Usually, if someone has cheated before, they may again, and if they cheated every time, chances are pretty good that they will do it again.
Does she like to have little secrets from you? Is she very vague about details? Have you ever noticed that she lies about little things?
Once you know her well, you should be able to judge whether or not she is trustworthy.

Answer 2

Sorry to tell you, but with women there are no early signs. Also I will say stop looking for them because then you may start to see signs that are not really there, and then you may act on them, and push her away. You are very well aware that women are great liars, and excellent manipulators so to catch us in anything is going to be kinda hard.

I say trust her enough to let her let you down first instead of not fully trusting her with the assumption of she may let you down. You said you don't have a reason so take it easy for now, and just enjoy her.

I will give you an example you know how women are always fussing at you guys for checking out the girl that passes by however when the cute guy passes by we can probably tell you everything he is wearing except for his boxers and socks without even turning our head, so due to that fact that is why you won't really catch us unless we are just really careless.

I don't mean this in a bad way men just can't do it. I say just go with the flow for right now, and if all else fails talk to her not about her cheating on you, but just your thoughts, insecurities, and how you may need a little reassurance because if you are thinking about making it serious with her you should be able to tell her these things. Good luck.

Answer 3

You sound insecure and immature. No one can predict the future but if you know about her past and if she's ever cheated before..that could be a good indication. Setting someone up is high school. Sounds like you feel worthless compared to her...just be thankful that you have attracted such an awesome chic. Stop being so paranoid & enjoy life. If you are already worried about her cheating, I wouldn't get into anything serious with anyone..you need to learn to trust others and yourself. Good luck and get some self esteem & a life and you wouldn't be so worried about what she's doing.

Answer 4

your asking a question that doesnt have an answer because if anyone could answer questions like these, there would be all kinds of lottery winners, the success rates for relationships would jump.......

Yeah, you could "Trust her.." but better yet, trust yourself dude.

This sounds like a serious concern for you. It sounds as if this is one of those "Make you or break you" periods in time.

Look dude, you cant let this issue dictate your relationship with her.

The big question that comes up after infidelity is, "Why did this happen to me....what did I do/didnt do? Whats wrong with me...?"

The only thing you can do at this moment is to make a promise to yourself. Promise yourself that you'll try to be everything you can to her, and that you trust that you'll be ok (As ok as you can be) with yourself if she does cheat on you.

If she does, it will tear you down and affect every relationship that you have after this one. But if you trust in yourself that you'll do everything you can to not give her an excuse to not cheat, then if she does go out and do it anyway, it would'nt have been because of you. It would be because of her and her ignorance.

Lay it down for her and tell her that you will not tolerate it and let her know how serious you are about it. After that, if your doing what your suppose to, its up to her if she wants to let another woman have her goods. Just make sure that you'll be able to bounce back if she does cheat.

If you cant make that promise, then you need more time to yourself to ensure that you'll be able to handle this issue because any woman can cheat on you. But you dont want to ruin your life because some broad could'nt stay focused on a relationship.

gudluk dude, hope this helped!!!

Answer 5

I think when it comes to women cheating its most usually because they are not getting the emotional connection they need from their man or are still stuck on somebody from the past. If a women is going to cheat on you from the get go she will probably not treat you super well and of course she will have to have a few nights a week she doesn't see you. I dont think there are any signs other than how she treats you to tell if she could cheat.

Answer 6

Yes, get this book on body language. You will learn when people are liars or telling the truth, just by watching what their body does.

Answer 7

First of all you can't say just like many of YOU have before (try like many women have before) because I don't even know you.....but if you can't trust someone you can't be with them.
And that's pretty much that!

Answer 8

you sound like you shouldn't be trusted never mind her, I mean you wanna know how to set her up, like buddy if you want honesty and trust from her should you not give her the same repsect.