so me and my dad are pretty close. but the thing is...everytime we start talking about life and my futer, he always says "if u do everything your cousin did u'll be set 4 life. she did everything right." or he'll say "maybe u should be a little more like ur cousin." or "that wouldn't have happend if you were a little more like your cousin" and it hurts when he says that kinda stuff. it makes me think that he would rater haver her as a daughter insted of me. what should i do? i want to live my own life...not my cousin's. i'm me. not her. so i'm not perfict...who is?
2006-10-16 07:45:57 · 35 answers · asked by Emy 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
i am sorry
he is wrong for comparing u with her because he dont know that what he did will cause a hate between u and ur cousin and u will hate to be like her and may that laid u to fail in everything
my advise to u is be ur self dont care what he says to u
2006-10-16 07:49:35 · answer #1 · answered by micho 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No-one's perfect, I agree.
I think UR dad could have put it a bit better, that he would like U 2 B like UR cousin.
It's damaging 2 keep insisting that U should B some1 U ain't.
Time I think, 4 U 2 sit UR dad down & have a heart 2 heart about family loyalty
& how his should lay firmly with U, his daughter.
A close family relative of mine, spent his childhood/teenage years being continually compared with his older brother.
He's suffered a lack of confidence, felt inadequate & had a miserable life, so I sympathise.
Say something & say it loud.
He's damaging U & I think he'd B horrified 2 know how unhappy he's making U.
Give him a big hug & hopefully U'll stop him throwing such a demanding wish on U in future.
Good luck, hope Daddy listens & stops 2 think B4 he speaks.
Big Cyber hug 4 U.
:)
2006-10-16 08:01:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me tell you, he would not want to have anyone as his daughter but you. It's kind of similar to 'well, your sister did it this way and she's doing great now.' 'why can't you do it like your sister did?' etc etc
I know it doesn't make it any better, but I think he just wants what's best for you. He sees that your cousin has some positive things going on for her, and he wants that for you also. Maybe he just wants to use that as an example, as something to give you to think about as you do the things you do. But I highly doubt he'd want anyone but you to be his little girl.
That being said, I think you should sit him down and talk to him. Let him know how much it bothers you when he compares the two of you, but be mature about it. Tell him how you feel and see if there's a way you can convince him that just because your cousin may have succeeded in doing something her way, it doesn't necessarily mean it's the right way for you.
I'm sure if you just open up and communicate rather than sit and let it build up inside of you, it will be a little easier. After all, he can't know how you feel until you tell him.
Best of luck to you, gurl. :)
2006-10-16 07:55:17 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to be straight forward with your dad are you will grow further and further apart from each other. He wants the best for you and probably is just pointing out a role model for you. Half the things parents do is not to hurt us but that's exactly what they do.
It sounds like your really close so tell him you want to make a father daughter date night and go out to dinner are something. Tell him that you know that he's not trying to hurt you but that it does and tell him that if he wants to help you with your future that you would love to discuss how he can help you with "your dreams" and not point out your cousins life. You can also throw in the fact that making your own decisions and learning from what works and what don't is going to make you into a stronger person.
2006-10-16 07:54:05 · answer #4 · answered by nm 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a parent and I can relate to what your father probably mean by those comments. I use to speak that way to my daughter. Until I thought of how bad she felt when I used to compare her with her best-friend. No, I don't believe your father wants to replace you, ever. I used to compare my daughter with her best-friend because I saw my daughter do something wrong and I wanted her to look up to her best-friend so she can stop doing wrong and just do right. You're right there's no such thing as being perfect. But most parents want the best for their children. He's just trying to direct you to the right path. He doesn't want to see you do wrong. You can also have a talk with your father and let him know that it hurts you when he compares you with your cousin. There are ways you can talk with eachother about your feelings without anger or insults. Try to understand eachother by putting one another in eachothers shoes. It might work. Good luck.
2006-10-16 08:19:43 · answer #5 · answered by Lisa2006 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you're right no ones perfect. from your info...you dad definetly isn't perfect, no offense. you need to remind him who you are. if he's jealous of your cousin, that's his problem, but he probably loves a lot just the same. you're on the right track, live your life the way you want to, and if that's not good enough for your dad then he can deal with it. maybe you could help him imagine what it would be like having her for a daughter instead. having some one like her that's so perfect, might get on his nerves and they wouldn't be as close. if he had her as a daughter, he might even be comparing her to you! and always remember, you're special, no matter what anyone thinks.
2006-10-16 07:50:24 · answer #6 · answered by Me Being Me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm very close with my father too, and I love him dearly. but when it comes to me doing things to be successful, he turns into the devil. He expects me to be like my older sister. He kinda of sounds like my dad. Your father is only trying to help you make good choices... but men, fathers are not good at how to explain it. There intentions are good, but the words are harsh. Do you live with your father? I do, and I;m 24 years old. I should move out because I know it's the only way that is going to stop us from fighting. Do what is best for you, not him. In the end when you have a whole crap load of money, his thoughts are going to go with you, not your cousin.
2006-10-16 07:50:47 · answer #7 · answered by prettyartisichuskey 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I completely understand what you are saying. When I was young my Dad used to say the same things about the preacher daughter. It made me truly resent her. You need to talk to Dad and let him know how it makes you feel. Now that I'm grown I understand what my Dad was trying to say. He wasn't trying to say that she was better than me or that he would have been happier with a daughter just like her. He was trying to show me an example to go by. He wanted only the best for me.
2006-10-16 07:49:57 · answer #8 · answered by lilmisstickletoo 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your dad is trying to give you an example of a positive role model near your age. It is because he loves you and wants what is best for you. You have to do what make you happy and fulfilled but you should do it with everything you have. I'm sure your dad is and will always be proud of you.
2006-10-16 07:50:04 · answer #9 · answered by notaxpert 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He probably just thinks she is a good role model for you. I'm sure he doesn't want you to be her, he also probably doesn't know about the not so good things she has done. No body ever brags tho their family about how their kid screwed up. Parents usually don't listen to what you have to say, at least that's my experience, but you could try talking to him about it or just think to yourself that he is only saying because he cares and let it go.
2006-10-16 07:51:27 · answer #10 · answered by Dana V 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋