Two different religions, one future together. How can this work???

Question

My fiance is a very devote Catholic. He was born and raised in a family that followed the Catholic faith. In his case, his mom converted to Catholism after she married his dad. I am a very devote Lutheran, being raised with it and having my grandfather as a Lutheran Pastor. In my family, my dad, a previous Catholic, converted to become Lutheran. I love my religion and can't imagine not having it in my life. Because of this, I don't think I'd ever be able to convert and therefore, could never imagine asking my fiance to do the same. I don't know what to do though, I don't want to have to alternate Sundays at different churches but I don't want us to go to our separate churches either. When we eventually have a family, I want our children to grow up with a strong faith and a church family. Before any of that happens, we have to get married and I don't know how to have a Lutheran/Catholic ceremony. Please help!! This sorta thing must happen all the time and I could really use some advice!

I really appreciate most of comments that have generated so quickly but am very frustrated with some of the answers. I love my fiance and while religion is important to me, I would never limit myself to dating only other Lutherans. I'm not going to judge someone based on their preferred religion, which seems very un-Christian if you ask me!! Hearing that some of you think that my future marriage is destined to fail is down right wrong and I won't be dumping the love of my life just because he isn't Lutheran. All I wanted was some kindhearted advice and instead, I get criticism after criticism over the fact that I didn't confront this sooner. My fiance believes in the same God I do and that is good enough for me. I am willing to compromise anyway possible, I just wanted to know some of the ways people in similar situations have done so. So to some of your responses, thanks but no thanks...you are completely wrong!

To everyone else who was truly helpful, thank you so much!!!

Answer 1

You would have to sit down with a piece of paper, write down all the possible problems that will come up, write down every possible solutions, and if there are absolute untenable walls to scale or dead ends - look for alternatives and negotiate every aspect for a trade off. Keep that paper !
Meanwhile- dont forget to also write the great things you find in each other. Looks like that part is settling to the bottom of your priorities.
If your relationship survives the wedding planning and preparation, pat yourselves in the back. Theres more problems ahead. Forge on, Christian soldiers. You should be huddling together since you are on the same side. LOL

.

Answer 2

This can be very difficult, but you must remember that both Catholicism and Lutheran are branches off the same religion. They are both Christian religions so there is a lot in common between the 2. In fact, Lutheran was a branch off from Catholicism. Martin Luther used to be a Catholic priest, so when he started the Lutheran church some of the Catholic ways remained, just evolved. So be patient with each other and eventually you'll find where the similarities are and be able to forge a future together. Good Luck!

P.S. My partner and I are of different beliefs too. He is Evangelical and I'm Wiccan...talk about tough!

Answer 3

You've basically said that you won't change, you won't ask him to change, and you don't to alternate Sundays between the two faiths, and you don't want to go to separate churches every week. What other option do you really think there is?

If you guys can't find a way to compromise on this issue - and from my perspective, you're not talking about bridging a great distance here (there's not much of a difference between the Catholic and Lutheran religions) - then I don't think it bodes well for your future. The people you really ought to be discussing this with are your parents (who have already handled the same problem [presumably to their mutual satisfaction]) and your fiancé, who is directly affected by this.

Once you figure out how this will impact your life together, conducting a dual-faith marriage ceremony is easy. You have a Lutheran pastor and a priest preside over the ceremony.

Post script: Try not to be so defensive about what people are saying. I don't think anybody means to imply that your relationship is doomed because you made a poor choice in a life partner. I think most of us (including me) think you're in for a rough time in marriage to anybody (of any religion) if you don't already know - or don't plan to learn - how to resolve conflict with the person you do choose. If it weren't this issue with this fiancé, it would be another with a different one; nobody agrees with their partner on every significant matter they encounter. Somebody will have to eventually budge on something, and you just plain don't sound ready to do it (or to ask him to do it).

Answer 4

You two should have discussed this all before you got engaged, because this is obviously heavy stuff which affects your entire family life together. If you are married in the Catholic church, you must agree to raise your children according to the Catholic faith. I think you should go with your guy to see your respective priests/ministers and has this out. And, no, it doesn't happen all of the time - usually one of the couple is lax and it doesn't matter to them. For example, when I realized me and an Anglican dude were getting more serious, I broke it off because there was no way I would give up my religion - which is tied to my culture, so that's more unusual I know. I ended up marrying the perfect dude for me - religion, culture and all. I just had to be more selective and find the fit for me, even though it took longer than most.

Answer 5

If your religion is so important to you and neither is willing to compromise, you're in for a hard time. Especially if you're going to insist on determining your children's religion.

The way mixed religion marriages make it work is by tolerance, respect and the realization that in the end and bottomline, both religions worship the same god, preach from the same bible and follow the same basic moral principles. Why should the belief whether or not Mary conceived immaculately stand between you? As for the pope, most catholics are if not sceptical, at the very least modern about the concept of infallibility.

It is enriching for your children to grow up with both religions and both visions, until they are old enough to chose for themselves. You as parents cannot and must not make that ultimate choice for them.

Don't confound religion with religious belief. Religion belongs to the domain of the mind as love belongs to the domain of the heart and belief or faith to the domain of the spirit. Let each rule in its own domain and there can be no conflict.

Answer 6

It can work, as long as you are willing to work at it. Now, from what I recall, both religions have services on days other than Sundays (at least from what I've seen in my area and what I hear from people that practice one or the other). I was raised Lutherand, but I'm not devout...matter of fact, I can't recall the last time I went to an actual service...maybe when I was a junior or senior in high school? Anyway, from what I have heard (though I'm not sure I believe it myself) there are many similarities between the two. Also...friends of mine got married in a Catholic church - he was Catholic, she Baptist. She had no intention of converting, but they were allowed to marry there, however, there was no mass after. His grandmother had a fit about that, but their happiness was all that mattered.

Answer 7

I think that you need to go seperatly on sunday. As for your children you can have them choose which they would like to be. That way they aren't pressured to be something that they don't want to be and also they can see if they like either religion more than the other. I can't really help you on the wedding aspect but I think that other people can help you more. Good luck. Just remember that no matter what anyone says you love your fiance.

Answer 8

How can you say you're both devote and have not dealt with this already? You two should be on the same page. Doesn't it say in the Bible that you should be "equaly yolked" when it comes to everything? You too really need to sit down and talk about this before you get married. If you can't see any problems coming in the future with this, then everythign should be find. However, if there are questions in your mind, they need to be addressed now before you two get married. Otherwise this could just be another failed marraige in the making. Good luck!

Answer 9

it's going to be tough. it's one think for adults to deal with but i can't see it being a good thing once you have children if you aren't taking them to the same church, in fact, i think it would be confusing for them and that's why the Bible says you are to be "equally yoked". you are going to have enough problems to deal with in married life without starting out with this problem. Problems with religion, sex and money can tear a marriage to pieces. Sorry if this hurts your feelings, but it's better to deal with this now than later.

Answer 10

If he's an extremely a Jehovah's Witness (baptized and all) and strong in his ideals then you definately 2 would not be relationship. The JW faith is extremely strict on touch exterior of their ideals and notably relationship/marriage. there are diverse ideals that JW's have that conflict with many different religions, Christian or otherwise. they suspect that they are the only genuine faith for one. not in basic terms are there no celebrations of holidays, birthdays, etc (different than toddler showers and anniversaries) in addition they have not got faith in blood transfusions for any reason, medically mandatory or not. probability is that he's the two not baptized and easily "interpreting" to be a Jehovah's Witness, or that his non secular ideals at the instant are not solid. in the event that they have been he could be under strict counseling and recommended to break off your dating, notably when you consider which you at the instant are not already married. in case you have been already married and one among you grew to alter right into a JW then it extremely is dealt with in yet differently. diverse religions (of any sort) are very confusing on a dating in spite of who's what faith. in case you're extreme then you definately can not stay away from matters and push them off till later whilst it comes up, that could reason extra issues the longer that's positioned off. you ought to have the potential to take a seat devoid of avoidance and communicate your concerns and have him be an energetic participant in the communication besides. If he isn't keen to communicate the specific adjustments on your faith and can't clarify the ideals and communicate how this could influence the two one among you and sooner or later your babies then i could propose strongly the two engaged on it and arranged till you have got those discussions or breaking up now. not in basic terms can it influence the two one among you, and he could be in extreme difficulty for marrying a "non-believer" if babies got here into the dating you ought to come to a call what faith, if any, they could save on with and in the event that they are allowed holidays, etc. If he's a baptized JW then he must be "disfellowshipped" for relationship you, not to show marrying you and which potential no touch with the different JW's as much as and which includes his very own kin. that's totally on the edge of disowning somebody. on an identical time as your bf will possibly not experience the ought to objective to transform you to being a JW, the different of his friends in the event that they save on with their teachings and are solid believers could besides.