4 yr. old hitting his teacher?

Question

My grandson has taken to hitting his teacher when he does not like something. Also, the neighbor shot his dog for barking (the dog was shot in the ear and is alright), and my grandson told his teacher that he was going to shoot her with a gun. The principal spoke to my daughter today and we are at our wits end. We do not hit each other and we have even gone to (what I think is extreme, but maybe not...), not letting him watch Sylvester or any of the old standby cartoons that have hitting etc. He watches Little Bear and Tonka Truck Adventures on DVD and has very little television. Where could he be getting this? Have to mention that this is his first year with other children in a 2 day a week pre school. We thought he needed to be around other children taking orders from teachers after watching him at a week long summer camp.

What would be the best way to curb this hitting and talk?

Answer 1

At 4 he knows right from wrong, My guess is that he gets what he wants at home all the time and the parents can not see his wrong doing. Or just don't want to hurt his feelings. Reminds me of the show nanny911, The parents need to find a system that punishes him when he does wrong. Myself every time my son did something wrong I took something away and he had to earn it back with behavior and chores and yes at 4 they can have chore. (sample) pick up their toys, separate there socks from the adults. Nothing hard after awhile they will want their toys back. Start with their favorite toys. By the way I don't think this behavior happened over night , The dog thing you need to talk to him about the pain your dog was and how unfair that was to hurt anyone like that pet or people. I grew up in a house that we could not play pretend gun as my grandfather said guns were for killing and that was not a toy. I knew this before the age of 4 back then we had strict rules and not many people had TVs.

Answer 2

Sometimes kids do the things they do because of seeing other children do it. Most of the time it if from the people in his environment. He probably only wants attention though. It sounds like to me that when he hits he can have everyone give him attention, so then he gets what he wants, hence the reason he hits. And he told the teacher he would shoot her in the ear because of the neighbor. Most kids do not realize how serious some things can be when they say them. He probably only said that so the teacher would leave him alone. He probably made a connection with the neighbor, for example the dog would not stop annoying the neighbor so the neighbor shot him. So he figured if he said the same thing to the teacher, he/she would stop bothering your grandson. Finally to curb the hitting and talking, I would mabe consider seeing a doctor. Also, pay mroe attention to him and inform him that what he does is wrong.

Answer 3

Hi, sorry to hear about your troubles. I did daycare for almost 10 years and have four children. Kids can come up with some crazy things. I know that my 3 and 4 year olds say they are going to shoot each other and run around the house acting like cowboys. I also tell them that in "real" life people don't go around shooting people and telling them they are going to shoot them. It is okay to "pretend" to shooting your brother while playing. This way they can understand the real and pretend world's that they live in this age. As far as him hitting the teacher it sounds like your grandson is acting out. If this is the first time being around other children I understand that. The best thing is to have him interacting with other children as much as possible. Even if it is going to Mcdonald's and let him play in the playland with other kids. The more he is around other children the quicker he should calm down. When he sees that other children don't behave that way he should do much better. Also, some times kids act out because something is bothering him. Things like change in school, moving, or even a new baby. You just need to make him realize also that if he continues to behave this way there will be consequences when he gets home. At this age some say time out however in my experience time out does not work with all kids. Try saying if you aren't going to be good at school today then you will have no tv or take away his favorite toy until he can behave better. This way he has to earn the toy back by being good the next day at school. If his behavior doesn't change after doing these things I would talk to your child's doctor. Everything I have told you I have learned from daycare or been told by one of my children's doctor. Good Luck to you!

Answer 4

You might want to consider taking him to a therapist or at least informing the principle at school what happened with the dog. The neighbor shooting his dog probably has a lot to do with him telling his teacher that he was going to shoot her with a gun. The neighbor had a problem with the dog, so he shot it - he has a problem with his teacher, so he'll shoot her. He knows his dog was shot and is OK, so he most likely doen't realize the seriosness of telling his teacher he'll shoot her. Like the dog, she'll be OK. 4 yr old logic can be a scary thing.

Also, if he has been home with mom since he was born, the hitting may just be a sign that he is upset with her about leaving him at school. I had the same problem when my 2nd child started preschool this year. His teacher said to think about one thing that you do every day for the past 3 1/2 years (in your case the past 4)- now take it away or replace it with something totally different. Mine was a Coke for breakfast every morning. It lasted about 3 hrs and I was cranky and grouchy by the time I gave in and drank one. Kids don't have the same logic, mentality, or choices as adults or even older kids. So to make things better, they tend to lash out. Crying, temper tantrums, hitting, biting, screaming, etc.

Try and come up with something that he can do (other than hitting) when he gets frustrated, scared, or angry. Teach him that this is what he needs to do instead of hitting. My daugther would hum to herself and sometimes rock on the floor. When the teacher saw this, she knew something was wrong and talk to my daughter. It took about a week for her to adjust (after 3 wks of screaming and crying) and now she's fine.

Good Luck!!

Answer 5

Sounds like he is vying for attention. I would limit the amount of tv/video games/computer to 1/2 of his choice for one evening. That is all my son gets. He can play a game or watch a movie. He also needs to have it explained to him why we don't hit, throw markers, etc. Sit him down and tell him these are the rules and if disobeys he will get a timeout. You have to enforce punishments though what type of discipline does the daycare do? You have to be on the same page. Cut off swearing totally, it doesn't matter how often he hears it they remember things. Just the other night my son started singing along to a song on a movie that he had never seen before, we were trying to think of what other movie it had been in and my son says Madagascar. He hasn't seen that movie in almost a year.

Answer 6

Your grandson is just at that age where they are picking up on things and then they try to use the things they see or over hear in their own lives. You just need to watch what you say and what events he is witness to. He is at a age that he knows the difference from right and wrong, but doesn't know the difference between it is okay for you to say it but not him. So if he does do something or says something that you know he should be saying then explain to him that it isn't something that he should be doing or saying. That it is wrong and he should pick up on that. If he doesn't then start to discipline him by time out, spanking, or what ever gets through to him.

Answer 7

The best way to deal with this is to have a very frank coversation with the child. Tell him that hitting and making threats is serious and he is hurting other people's feelings. Make the situation more real to him. Secondly set real clear guidlines. "If you do this, then ......". He's only 4 so obviously he doesn't understand. I would personally call the humane society on the neighbor and make sure that your grandson knows that shooting animals or other people is unacceptable and has ramifications.

Answer 8

He sounds very aggressive, maybe even angry. Spend some one on one time with him. Get him into sports, like playing soccer so he can funnel his aggression into something that is appropiate. I would have him evaluated by a doctor or a psychologist, this could be early signs of something. But as far as the shooting talk, he was just repeating what was seen or heard about his neighbor. You need to make sure and tell him what's right and wrong when things like this happens. And don't be afaird to discipline. Talk first, then swat if nothing else works.

Answer 9

I cannot believe the number of people who think that you can have a DISCUSSION with a 4 year old & NEGOCIATE with them. My kids are 10, 8 & 5 if any one of them had acted this way they would have gotten spanked. I do NOT mean a BEATING I mean a good old fashioned spanking. My husband & I both grew up in families where spanking was used. Neither of us is violent or maladjusted. We are both loving, caring RESPONSIBLE adults who believe that a child should know there are consequences to their actions or their words. Of our three the 8 year old was the toughest. He would test & push the limits, but all three of them KNEW by the age of 3 that what mom & dad said was what would be done... If we said NO, that was what we meant, NO NEGOCIATING!!! ETC.
I think there are a lot of answers to this, but I think that you should take the kid to a Child Psycologist for evaluation. You may just find out that he rules your daughter's household, his parents DON'T & he is just spoiled & does NOT like doing things he doesn't want to do because at home no one makes him do ANYTHING HE DOESN'T WANT TO DO!!!!!!

Answer 10

my boy had things wrong it wasn't just him being mean..it was things going on in his head..come to find out my boy had autism..not that your child does but it could be he needs some counseling because if you do not work with him or learn how now when he gets older he will do things to you..he is to Lil to think like this and someone else besides the family needs to be involved. Its not a shameful thing to learn new skills it helps alot..people are there to help..i would try to get a Dr that goes to a children's hospital and get him some play therapy