We've been married 4 months now, we want a baby so bad. We both just turned 20, own our own home, and have full time steady jobs. The thing is, he is starting college here this winter and I am going to be taking a couple of classes. Has anyone ever dealt with this before. We want a baby so bad! and really don’t want to wait! Can we do it all? Work, college and take care of a baby? Have you done this? How did it work out for you? I don't know how to deal with my baby fever!? Advise, thougths?
2006-10-16 05:51:45 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
By the way, baby would not be in day care, my mother stays at home with my younger sisters. She would watch the baby durring the day. I would also go down to part time at my job and only take maybe one class.
2006-10-16 06:03:38 · update #1
Good job having such a hold on your life at 20 years old. Let me just say that there is no such thing as the 'Right time".
When you have everything all planned and you are comfortable life has ways of throwing curve balls at you. At 19 I was going to join the Navy. Scored 98%on their entrance test had signing bonus, engineering school and officer's training all lined up. I went for my physical and Oh Baby! Literally. So no Navy.
That was fine, I still had a good job and a wonderful partner. But several years later when we though the time 'was right' for another baby it took us 4 years of trying with no luck. Then I was layed-off from my job (The facility closed) and went to the doctors to get back on birth control but again Oh Baby!
If having a baby is something that you want and you know that you can take care of yourself first (the baby will depend on you), and take care of a baby, and keep your life on even keel...then don't stress on it. Life has a million and one variables. If something changes (baby), then everything else will usually shift right along with it. Have a baby now, or have a baby in a couple years...you have time and either way you'll be fine.
2006-10-16 07:19:36 · answer #1 · answered by Pixie Dust 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You know, Savvy girl, you are very intelligent to ask this question. Frankly, my wife and I had our first when I was 23, and I was much too young to be a good father. I went to college 2-3 nights a week and worked full time also. Wish I had those years to do over.
My suggestion is that you wait for at least a year or until you empty some of what's on your plates already. Too many people try to do everything NOW, and don't look ahead to the consequences of their decisions. Make sure you have 6 months of expenses in emergency funds, make sure you are secure and happy in your jobs & where you live. Eliminate all the possible distractions you can think of. With new baby, Murphy will find a way to move in anyway.
With work and college, right now, do you really think you are going to get the most joy and be able to spend the most time with your baby???
Whatever your decision, I am sure you will make the best one for you. Good Luck
P.S. I would be interested in what and how you decide this one, and how you rearrange to accomodate baby if that is your choice.
2006-10-16 06:08:26 · answer #2 · answered by snvffy 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Wow!! Please wait a while, a long while, it is important that you are really well established, if you get pregnant now and try to have a baby, the baby takes all your life, your time, all of it, newborns require all your undivided attention and you really need to be financially stable in order to do something like this as you go through a lot after having a baby you need to stay home and if he gets sick it's even worse.
If you are trying to still get an education your husband and you, set your priorities straight, many couples plan for all these things, you guys are awfuly young, enjoy your newlywed life, really really enjoy it now, because when children come, ohh your time is never yours, I got a puppy 2 months ago and just him takes up much of my time and wants so much attention, imagine a baby, you don't want to ruin your future by jumping ahead too fast on a decision that might be made at the wrong time, timing is the key here and if it's the wrong timing you can never undo it.
So plan and hold on to your baby fever, put your feet on the ground, you may want a baby now but you should go and volunteer at places like day care anything that will allow you to get that exposure and you will see how much work small children are, nothing wrong with it, but they must come at the right time. If your rush in, you will surely regret it. Get some books on this subject go to Amazon.com
Good luck!!
2006-10-16 06:09:09 · answer #3 · answered by You are loved 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Its great that ya'll want to start a family, but don't be in such a hurry. Take my advice! Your only twenty. You'll have plenty of time for a family but you need to concentrate on your next steps for providing for them first. I'm going to college twice a week (part time) and I have a two year old and a one year old. It is so hard to juggle house work, diapers, meals, and studying. College tests are so much more complex than highschool tests. Its very exhausting. We have a happy family but it can be very stressful. Stress can really hurt your body, your appearance, your job as a mother, and your marriage if you get too overwhelmed. I don't even have an outside job and I'm thinking of waiting until the kids are in school to finish college and stopping after this quarter. That's how hard it is. And then you feel bad about missing time with your children b/c your busy doing homework, writing papers, and studying.
Please dedicate this time for yourself and your husband. Go places, do things, eat romantic dinners...finish college. You will be so glad you did. Children are a blessing from God, but you don't want to be so overwhelmed that you have difficulty being your best for them.
2006-10-16 07:50:39 · answer #4 · answered by pixiedustplease 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Babies are wonderful - and very needy.
Babies are harmed when they are separated from their mommies for more than 10 hours a week. They are harmed intellectually, physically, emotionially, and socially. NICHD has been researching this for decades and the latest group of studies revealed high levels of aggression, high disapproval from dad, lowered attachment to mom, poor school performance, and weaker social skills in children who enter care before age 3.
The damage is done whether the substitute care giver is daddy, a nanny, a day care center, or grandma. The damage is done because they baby needs her mommy.
So, no, you shouldn't be going to college and having a baby. You shouldn't have your baby until you are prepared to nurse on demand, give your baby your arms on demand 24/7. If you do it before then, you are thinking of a baby as a toy, a decoration, an accessory. In fact, a baby is a human, an individual, a person who needs a great deal from his/her mother for several years.
Go look at orang utan or gorilla moms in the zoo. You will see how they and chimps (our closest relative) care for their infants and it is the way our infants evolved to need our care. Literally, our brain cells only form connections when we are touched. Babies brains literally flood with a stress hormone when they're away from mom - which impairs learning and increases the risk of anxiety and depressive disorders.
Babies are great, but you guys don't sound ready. Get a puppy, maybe. Or babysit. Or volunteer in the preemie ward of a hospital.
2006-10-16 05:58:55 · answer #5 · answered by cassandra 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
The right time to have a baby is NEVER and ALWAYS. In other words, no matter when your child arrives you will feel unprepared and overwhelmed, but you will adjust and with time, patience, and love, your family will thrive.
I've known people who've raised kids wonderfully in all kinds of tough situations- being really young, having major illnesses, being unemployed, single parents, etc. I've also known parents who seem really "together," i.e. good jobs, two parents, enough money, whose children act as birth control for everyone who meets them.
Bottom line- if you and your husband are committed to each other and making your marriage work no matter what, and can both commit to loving a baby whenever one might arrive, go for it.
2006-10-16 06:02:20 · answer #6 · answered by craftladyteresa 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is never a right time to have a baby. Many of us juggle children, work , school and many other things as everyday life. If you think your relationship is in a good place then go for just don't "trick" your husband into having a baby. Just play it if you get pregnant you do if you don't try later.
2006-10-16 06:06:38 · answer #7 · answered by Jody 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
**EDIT:
Duh, well you didn't say that.
If you are only gunna take one class (which is like an hour a day) and work part time that's WAYYYYYY different than taking a couple classes (maybe 3-4) and working full time.
Working full time and taking multiple classes in and of itself is a chore and will pull you away for your child for a lot of hours. And s/he's YOUR kid, not your mom's. Even though it's okay for her to watch the baby and I have nothing against that, you need to physically be there for your child /more/ than she is... which would be difficult to do if you were to work fulltime and take multiple classes like you said in your message originally.
2006-10-16 06:00:57 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, it's going to be hard to care for a baby while the both of you are in school. However, if you want it and you have help caring for the child then go for it.
2006-10-16 05:54:33 · answer #9 · answered by Coco 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have the same fever - only my husband doesn't and he's the one still in school. Everyone tells me to wait and enjoy married life - but I'm with you...why wait - isn't being a mother supposed to be the greatest gift of all?
2006-10-16 05:56:14 · answer #10 · answered by autumn 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋