My son was threatened by an adult neighbor?

Question

My 11 year old son got into a fight with our 9 year old neighbor this weekend. According to all sides of the story, the 9 year old was picking on my 9 year old, so the 11 year old got into it with 9 year old neighbor, verbally. The 9 year old, then, put my 11 year old in a head-lock and started kicking him in the shins, so my 11 year old punched him. The 9 year old, then, ran crying into his house and told his dad, obviously leaving out that he had started the fight, and the dad came out and threatened my 11 year old with violence! This man is big, too - 6'5"- and my son was scared.
I'm not at all condoning my son punching the younger kid, but he swears he did it in self-defense. What else could he do? But, should I say anything to the dad? I'm not sure it will make any difference. What I've already done is forbid the kid from comeing over anymore. He's such a trouble maker, no one will miss him and I don't want his dad threatening the kids anymore. What would you do?

I'm not worried that the neighbor would actually hurt my kid. He's just a blow-hard, jacka** but I don't appreciate him saying such things to my, or anyone's, kid. I can't punish the dad for being stupid, but I can punish the kid for lying about what happened by having my kids refuse to play with him until he straightens up. As I said, not a problem for them since they don't.like the brat anyway. None of the nieghborhood kids do.

I'm not a single parent. I'm married to my sons' father and I had to keep him from going over and making things worse.

Answer 1

I think that what you did was right. Dont let the boy come over anymore. I mean you do have to live in the neighborhood, so anymore problems will just make it hard stressfull living! I dont think you should say more to the boys dad. Whats done is done. Your son did the right thing in self defence. Tell him acts like that are OK only in situations like that. Good luck with that. Dont lose sleep over it it happenes!

Answer 2

The fact that an adult male would threaten an 11 year old rather than speaking to you makes me think you should definately watch this guy... it shows he has little self restraint, and probably takes his temper out on others (maybe why the kid is such a jerk). All people have the right to defend themselves is someone is coming at them, or in your case, actually beating them. You might want to talk to him, but I would bring someone with me if I were you... someone low-key though, who won't start screaming and make the situation worse. And don't feel bad later on and let the kid start coming over. It's only gonna cause more trouble later on. If your son really is scared of the neighbor, you probably should call the cops to make him feel better, and let him know that you will not tolerate abuse of him by other adults. This might be the kind of thing he could resent you for as he becomes a teenager.

Answer 3

To me, it sounds like your son did exactly what he was supposed to do. Sure violence is not the answer, but some times it is!! The 9 year old picked a fight and lost. Maybe he will grow up a better person instead of the bully he was trying to become. I believe an adult threatening a minor child verbal or physical is abuse and illegal. May want to check in on that. See if this whole situation blows over and if not get the police involved. 6.5' or not jail is jail! And unless this other father is complete trash, he most likely will back off. You could always file a PPO on him too.

Answer 4

I had a six year old next door neighbor DANTE try to punch me in th eface the first time I met him, so i knew he was NUTS. My own 6 yr old never cries.... about pain... never has.... so when she DOES i know she is hurt. I happen to have had a state trooper trying to date me at the time so there had been a cop car at my house. When th ekid punched my daughter in th estomach i told him (after I asked his mom if it was ok) that if he EVER hurt her again HE would be talking to a police officer... I MEANT IT AND HE KNOWS IT and he hasnt touched her again. What is this man teaching his kids? What are you teaching your kids by letting him get away with it? If an oaf acts dumb, ignore him? OMG Call the cops, make a report. He broke the LAW. He needs a MAN with a badge to tell him his behavior was innapropriate. This should be done when the kids (his kids) will be home so they will SEE it. NOONE is above the law (OJ and clinton not included) Its the little things that add up to a mountain. This man should have 1 talked to YOU
or 2 called cops himslef but THREATENING A CHILD... omg... omg. Dont be afraid to do what is right. DONT TALK TO HIM... let a man with a badge do it. He is a bully and a coward.

Answer 5

I gather since you ask this you are single. If you are not this is one of those situations where a man should sort it out. Anyway, you dont deserve to be bothered by this and expend mental energy. Sure the guy could have been upset off the cuff but if he is the jack****. Guys like that are insecure and feel that they can intimidate people. Go over, ask what happened and dont get riled up. Just say that you hope this doesnt happen again and when the blah blah starts just say "are we clear on this?" and then leave. Think about your son and how he is going to feel near his home. Calling the cops might be the thing to show him that he is safe.

Answer 6

Your son did have a choice, he chose violence, and he got what he deserved (as the neighbors father did not hit your kid, just threatened to.... too bad your son didn't do the same thing to the little kid huh??!!)

If you're really worried about this situation, farther than what you have already done, talk to the child's father. Explain to him why his son is not allowed to come over and how his actions made you feel. Before doing that however, examine what actually happened. Who hit who. By your account, nobody walked away. Your 11 yr old stuck up for the 9yr old and rather than diffusing the situation, he made things worse. The action resulted in him having to "defend himself" by hitting someone 2 yrs younger. Was this the responsible way to handle this situation? If everyone had just refused to respond to the trouble maker and walked away.... would the need to hit someone still have been necessary?

Paraphrasing a scene from the movie "El Dorado", "You just killed that man because he killed a friend of yours. And that man was my friend. So now I have to kill you."

Violence begets violence, be thankful your 11 yr old wasn't taken over your neighbors knee and given a good whipping. As it turns out, he's the only one in the fray that didn't resort to hitting.

What else could he have done? Walk away!!!!

What else 'should' you say to the dad? Appologize!

Answer 7

I think in any situation that involves an adult being forcefull and scary then you need to call the police. This does not mean that anyone has to get into big trouble, but making a police report can help sort things out for the future ir something else comes out of this. Make a report, and just keep your distance. If anyonw threatened my kids i would put a restraining order on them, regardless of who punched who, or whatever. Be safe.

Answer 8

If you have a husband or a man, let him deal with it. Mothers tend to take things too seriously during such times.
Neither of the kids were right, the fact that the 9 y.o went crying to daddy just shows he's 'not man enough.' His dad was probably upset wth him afterwards.

Answer 9

Had a similar situation a few years ago,turned out the adult did not threaten my kid despite all reports.My advice is talk to the adult yourself and if you are unhappy with his attitude then consider going to the Police but be 100% sure of your facts first.

Answer 10

If you are not afraid he will actually hurt your son i would say you have already handled it well! If he makes more threats or they seem like they are real i would call the police, I believe that is generally assualt on a minor in most states. Most of all you stay calm and set a good example for your sons!