How do I test my girlfriend's loyalty?

Question

I would much rather know now whether or not she's going to mess around on the side. Any advice???

Heh heh heh 42 answers in 3 hours... many of which are simply furious and insulting to me. This is getting really interesting.

To answer the most common questions, I have (to the best of my knowledge) never been cheated on. Further, I have noticed nothing in her behavior ('cept the usual playing hard to get) that makes me not trust her.

The most common response so far has been "Just trust her". I find that answer immature and poorly thought out. The just trust her crowd, I firmly believe, is probably the crowd that gets cheated on the most.

To clarify, we're right on the dating/serious cusp, and she is an amazing woman (doctor, tri-athelete, hot, etc). I must be quite a catch to have her around.

It is not her specifically that I do not trust, nor women in particular, rather, we've only known each other for two months and we all know how rosy the glasses are at that stage.

So what of it? I want to hear some psychology-like tests, not date setups.

So,

Oh, also, asking someone if they're going to cheat on you, or if they've ever cheated before is a ridiculous concept and would merely insult her. Why would a cheater admit to it?!?!? C'mon people, THINK!!!

Answer 1

No, you should not test her- that is plain wrong
You need to get to know her, see her pattern of behaviour. Does she lie?, does she talk badly about people close to her? is she deceitful? How her previous relationships end?. What are her views about things in general? You will see a pattern, i can assure you.

Answer 2

There are no guarantees in a relationship. You must learn how to trust. How long will it be before you convince yourself that the test she passed probably wasn't a tough enough one. Keep making your girlfriend jump through hoops and she will jump to what you fear most. Try figuring out what makes you so insecure and deal with it instead of projecting onto another. That is a heavy load to carry. I have been married for 20 years. We trust in the respect and love we have for each other. We don't waste energy worrying about what "might" happen. The truth is that if infidelity were in our hearts there isn't anything the other person could say or do to prevent it. It would happen whether we were 5 miles apart or 5000 miles apart. Trust. If a partner doesn't feel trusted when he/she hasn't done anything to merit the distrust then they will soon prove you right.

Answer 3

Advice??? Dont do it. If you have to "test" your girlfriend then the foundation for your relationship is already crap. You know the old saying...innocent until proven guilty? Well you kinda have to apply that to relationships. You cant go into a relationship not trusting the other person. They have to give you a reason NOT to first! If your excuse is that you want to do this because youve been burned in the past, then you arent ready for a new relationship. You should hold off and either date around for a while (like a year) or just be single. Dont jump into dating with a chip on your shoulder. Good luck :)

Answer 4

Have you talked to her? Tell her that you don't have any reason to not trust her, but it's something you're concerned about. Maybe you've been wronged before. Explain it in a reasonable manner and she'll understand! It doesn't necessarily mean that she won't cheat (some people just do, no matter what you do or say), but she will know that she means something to you and that her fidelity is important.

And don't set her up--that's a little twisted, honestly. At that point it won't matter whether you can trust her, because she'll have lost all trust in you.

Answer 5

NEVER try it. Believe me, it will certainly backfire. Did she do anything that gave you reason not to trust her? A relationship is not a play fiddle. Trust is a very essential ingredient in a successful relationship. If you don't trust her, then leave her and move on.

Who says that she won't even pass the foolish test and yet still cheat on you behind your back?

Answer 6

Get a friend to call her pretending to be from a hotel or something and say she's won a romantic night for two. Make it sound very realistic and professional. Make sure it's believable by getting the friend to give all her details (date of birth, address etc) so she won't be suspicious. Wait and see who she invites along for the 'romantic evening!'. That or get a mate to try it on with her (someone she doesn't know but you trust) and see what happens.

Answer 7

Do the test as a last resort, but not before, acting too fast would end a possible good relationship. Look at the signs, if she is avoiding you, if she doesn't return your phone calls, if she doesn't enjoy your presence as much as she used to. Being loyal means to enjoy the presence of the person. That should put you one step forward to knowing whether or not she is loyal.

Answer 8

This is just a BAD idea. Everytime I've seen this played out it turns into a bad thing, usually resulting in the guy losing his g/f.

The best way to keep your girl from messing around on the side is give her what she wants "attention, support, sex, etc" and even if you wonder ... don't care!! It looks better when you act like you're not worried about it! (confidence)

Answer 9

The best way to know is to get the facts straight from the horse's mouth. Ask her . At the same time you must tell her what you are planning to put into the relationship and what you expect to get in return. Asking for stuff is easy. Anyone can do it. Receiving what you put into a relationship is something we all can expect to get in return. So, how much are you willing to put in? Tell her exactly what you want. Then Say: Can you do the same for me?

Answer 10

Why would you test her loyalty? By doing that, you are just setting yourself up for failure and pain, believe me.

If you want to have an honest, open relationship, you have to build it on trust. Treat her the way you want her to treat you- give her reasons to trust you. Share your life with her, don't lie- and don't set up little tests for her. If you want something, be an adult and ask for it. Be direct- know what you think and feel- and share it with her.