Should one mother have the right to call another mother about her parenting decicions?

Question

I grounded my daughter on the day of her best friends birthday party. Out of concern for her friend I did ask how many kids would be at the party. If she would have been the only one invited, well... but there were approx. 15 kids coming - so, I followed through with the punishment. Then the friends mother called me to tell me what a horrible thing that is to do and she would never do that to her daughters best friend. She proceded to tell me that what my daughter did wasn't worth the punichment and that they are just kids (13). That her daughter won't have another party until she's 16 & on and on. I was very nice to her on the phone because I did feel bad for having to punish my daughter and for her friends feelings. Looking back at everything - I should have put her in her place. I would just like to know if anyone has had something similar happend and what your oppion on the whole thing is?!

Answer 1

First of all..good for you for disciplining your daughter and going through with it. You are teaching your daughter there are consequences for her action. I feel you did the right thing. You were disciplining your daughter so do not feel ashamed about that. As a mom you shouldn't be putting off discipline just because it is a special occasion. From now on your daughter will think twice about her actions. In the real world punishments are not delayed so you can go do something fun. In your instance the day of grounding happened to be a birthday party

That mom was out of line. She has no buiness questioning your parenting skills. You did what you thought was right.

Don't feel bad about disciplining your daughter. Yes she is probably upset with you right now but in the long run she will be instilled with a set of values which are few and far between.

I see too many teenagers running around doing what they want, talking how they want, and treating people how they want without any remorse or fear of consequences.

Answer 2

1. You considered whether or not the girl would have been alone at her party, found out she wouldn't have, and stuck to the punishment.

2. The other kids mother is out of line for chastising you on your child rearing, it is not her business, she is not your daughter's parent.

3. If the other mom decides not to have another party for her kid for the next 3 years, it's not your problem. If your daughter wants to go to that party then she'll prove that she has learned her lesson this time.

4. It's not easy to punish your kid(s). Part of parenting is disciplining, it's not the most fun part but it is necessary.

5. "they're just kids". UGH! That excuse starts when they are toddlers, follows them through elementary and middle school and into high school. After that hey learn to use their chronological age (or anything else) as an excuse for their bad choices. Those kids turn into adults with no concept of personal responsibility, everything is everyone else's fault.

Kudos to you for teaching your kid that for every choice you make there are consequences.

Answer 3

You have the right to discipline your children how you see fit. I guess the only way to look at this a little differently is, the mother was probably upset because her daughter was upset that her best friend wasn't at the party. Even though there were 15 other kids there, the main friend she wanted at her party to celebrate becoming a teenager was her best friend. Unfortunately the mother expressed herself all wrong. It's not her place to interfere, but I can see both sides of this issue.

Answer 4

The other girls mother had no right to question your decision. Every parent has their own technique and you should always follow your own instinct because if you are questioning yourself then your daughter will never take you serious. You have to believe in what you are doing to be able to go through with it. Good job on giving your daughter restrictions and following through with them, today there are to many teenagers running around freely without any guidance and that just leads to trouble. Keep doing what you are doing!

Answer 5

She definately didn't have the right to do that, and for the record, coming from a teacher, you are an outstanding mother to follow through with what you say. However, I don't thinkyou should tell her off. It would just make messiness between your daughter and hers, and you don't need that. File it away in your brain in the "don't trust her" file, and let it go. You won't acheive anything by telling her off - just a mess. My mother used to say "never get in a pissing contest with a skunk". If it happenes again, tell her its none of her business but don't let it escalate to an argument.

Answer 6

I think you were right to stick to your guns. Just imagine if you let her get way with that now, then she whould end up having a baby at age 16. Then end up worse. It may have been tough, but I think you were right, and the other mom was just mad because mabey her kid was upset that her best friend was not there. That is to bad though. I would ignore the other mom. If that is the way she wants to raise her kid, then whatever, but you are the mom of your daughter.

Answer 7

That mother was WAY out of line! She has no right to tell you whether or not you should let your kid go to a party, or what offenses warrant a grounding. If she doens't want to punish her kid, that's her business.

The way I see it, if you had been doing something that would have hurt yoru daughter, placed her in danger, or was punishing her very harshly (like... she got a D on one homework assignment and was grounded for three months), then she wouldn't be wrong to say something.

What did your daughter do, if you don't mind me asking?

Answer 8

If you grounded your daughter, then I know deep inside of you - she deserved it. She is 13, not 3...and I would have not only put that mother in her place, but I would have probably done it in person. I don't tell you how to raise your child, you do the same.

Answer 9

Of course you have every right to parent your child the way you see fit.
I think you handled the other mother beautifully. What would it have accomplished if you had "put her in her place"? That other mother is not going to change her mind. You proved that you are in control of yourself and your actions, and do not allow other people to goad you into behaviour you don't like.
When people try to tell me how to parent (mostly my mom!!) I just smile and thank her for her advice and do what I think is best.
You trust your momma instincts and I think you are doing great! How else can you teach your child about consequences if you don't follow through?

Answer 10

You have the right to punish your daughter the way you see fit! If she didn't like it, she should have kept her mouth shut! I understand you wanted to be polite to her and I would say if she says anything to you again, that you put her in her place. Just tell her that you will raise your daughter your way and she raise hers her way and that you would appreciate it if she wouldn't get involved. It doesn't even matter why you punished her. You made the decision to punish and you did just that.