When to tell your child about sex?

Question

My son will be 10 next month. He is in 4th grade and my husband and I have discussed at what point is a good time to discuss sex with him. My friends have said now is good, but he still has this sense of innocence about him. He's still too busy with his male friends to be really interested in girls. He doesnt really ask about it yet. Normal questions like where do babies come from have popped up and he seems satisfied with our answers. I just dont want to treat sex like its this awful taboo thing, but i dont want to address like its ok to do it with whoever and whenever, either. Hopefully, not that he's even close to thinking about it. I'm concerned because there is a 7th gr girl in our local school who is pregnant, so I know these kids are doing it younger and younger. Any advice on when and how to approach it would be appreciated. Thank you.

Answer 1

This is tough. But I would suggest when you think your kid is ready you will know. Every kid is different, meaning some are ready at ten, others will not be ready until 12. I suggest that mabey you ask him if he is interested in knowing ALL about sex. Just be hounest. If he seams shy, then give it a while. If you guys have a good relationship, and he is ready then he will want to know. Just tell him that the conversation is private, and you will not tell anyone else about it. Tell him if he wants to know, then you will do all the talking, and he just has to listen. Then to you I suggest that you do your research. Know what you are going to say so that there are not awkward pauses. good luck


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Answer 2

Your son already knows more about sex then you can possibly imagine. Waiting until 10 is really late. You needed to start talking about sex the first time the question was asked. "Where do baby's come from" is not a question looking for an answer like, "From a mommy's tummy" but rather is an invitation to talk about where, why, and how.

For the last 4 years your childs friends have been talking to him about sex. He knows a lot, and much of what he knows is not true. At this stage you will have an uphill battle teaching him that sex is for married adults. When 50 kids have been telling your son for the last 4 years that the primary goal of a preteen is to have sex, your little voice will be pretty small and now will ring a bit of a "parent" telling thier kid not to eat candy before dinner.

Answer 3

I think you should talk about it when it's appropriate for him. Right now, he may soon be confronted with a pregnant girl in his school. Therefore, definitely before he has to address the situation.

I wouldn't suggest waiting until he asks questions, because he may never do so. I never did and neither did my current boyfriend. I actually got "the sex talk" around 13, and he never got one at all (probably because he never asked any questions).

Just continue to pay attention to his interests. When he starts focusing a little more on girls and less on toys and friends, it's probably time.

I do commend you for not only knowing that there's a young pregnant girl, but that you may actually have to address this issue at a much earlier age than you received it. I had two pregnant girls in my eighth grade class when I was growing up.

Answer 4

I'm a youth minister and I have the priveledge of working with youth ages 11-18 on a regular basis. I wanted to chime in on this b/c it is a question that arises alot from parents of my youth....I am fortunate to have the "child's eye view" more than most parents, b/c in my position, I am a "trusted person" and lots of my youth talk to me on a regular basis about things they wouldn't bring up with the parents...

My suggestion is this- trust your instincts! You know your child better than anyone and you should follow your heart...Now having said that, I would recommend talking to your son sooner rather than later. Unfortunately, if you don't he's likely to get some very misguided and most often WRONG information from his peers. Even if he and his friends don't seem interested in girls, it doesn't mean they aren't discussing sex, anatomy, etc.

You should express your personal values about sex-explain that it is important to wait until you're in love, or married, or whatever your personal philosophy may be. At this age, he's most likely going to be more concerned and interested the actual physical process than anything else. Getting the basics out of the way opens the door for you to have more serious dicussions about the emotional aspects of sex later when he's matured a little more.

Answer 5

Well. What a question! The answer is: when they can understand, gosh! You must not tell something to someone if the one cannot understand what is told. That's self evident.

Thus, the point is supposed to be: how do we know that our children can hear from us (parents) about sex?

That is: not the "time", the age of the children is the important thing; this becasue different homes have different progress differently in the chidren' general developement, what influences in the period of when such dialogues shall start taking paces.

What has to be taken into account is the way ("how") we can know that it is time to tell the chidren about sex.

And more and last here: we shall start by asking about "what they know", "heard"... about such issue. And then start creating the need for his knowledge.

That's it.

Ie - B r a z i l

Answer 6

My husband and I have always kept this open for discussion at any time. We've told both of our sons, ages 11 and 9, to ask us whatever they want. For example, my son had heard the word "b*ner" and didn't know what it was, so we explained it. Kids hear so much from other kids, who obviously don't know anything, that we decided long ago that it best to tell our kids to come to us with any questions that they might have and we will explain it. No guilt or shame. If you want to know, let us tell you. So far, it's been working. They come to us every once in awhile with something.

Answer 7

This is a great question. If your son is still not into girls then I would wait. But you may not konw that he has already started down that road, some people are really shy about this type of thing. Go with your gut, and keep a close eye on where your sons eyes are looking.

I am not looking forward to this talk with my boys and I completely dread the day we have to talk to my daughter about this.

Answer 8

Your son is 10 and you haven't explained sex to him yet? My son's 10 and I started talking to him about the bird and the bees when he was 7. Pick up the pace here Mom. Do you realize children these days are having sex as young as 11 & 12. Why he hasn't asked you yet, is because he's probably embarassed to ask you. YOU bring the subject up to him.

Answer 9

At this age, you can discuss sex in the theoretical sense. I know this is tough for parents, but remember that if you act embarassed, he's going to act embarassed. Talk about it as though it is a sacred, but natural part of life. Discuss how serious sex is and let him know that he can always come to you with questions or thoughts. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 10

Do it now. We have always believed that you don't just have one talk that it is a process of always answering question as open and honest as possible. I would rather my kids have the correct information then learning incorrect things at school from their peers. We own a book called Where Did I Come From, I highly recommend it.