My boyfriend went back to his hometown to visit his mom and his X-gf showed up and proposed to him! Now he's not sure about us. This was his first love from years and years of off and on dating. He proposed twice and she ran away both times (literally- she left the state). Now she's back, years later, with a truckload of baggage and she wants him. I'm afraid she just wants to use him for his stability and money. He's totally confused about what to do because he really loved this girl for years. We have been dating for over a year, and we were talking about marriage. Now he wants time to think about it.
Should I dump him and spare myself the humiliation if he chooses her? I really don't want to sit around waiting while he thinks about her all day. I really care about him a lot. I've waited a whole year of deployment to be with him and now he springs this on me a month before I come home. What should I do?
2006-10-16 03:50:46 · 20 answers · asked by sandostrich 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He says he's still mine, that I'm winning. How am I suppose to interpret that?
2006-10-16 04:30:50 · update #1
Tell him that he needs to make a decision and that if he is not sure about what he wants to do then you two will have to break up. It seems as if he still might care for her. Remind him of their past and how she ran away from him twice. Make him really question her motives for coming back to him after she had made it obvious that she didn't want to make a commitment with him anyhow. If he can't give you a definite answer then it would be best to just dump him before he hurts you more.
2006-10-16 03:55:34 · answer #1 · answered by moma 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he actually does choose a woman that ran away from him twice and has the audacity to propose to him when he already has a serious girlfriend, then really, do you want him? He sounds like a...I don't think I can say that word here.
I wouldn't dump him, but I wouldn't play the game either. Know what I mean? Let him know that you understand that he's confused, but remind him that you guys are in a relationship, that you have stood by him and not run away when things have gotten tough, and that its unfortunate that you are now both in this predicament...and for him to do what feels right for him. Is it guilt-tripping? Sure a little, but he's being a dork. Put the ball in his court and then step back to see what he does.
And keep your chin up: If he chooses here, you aren't being humiliated, he is. You are being kind just sticking around while he *thinks about it*. I know many women that wouldn't. So be prepared, but be justified in knowing that you have been loyal and considerate, and that there are plenty of other men that will appreciate those qualities.
Good luck :)
2006-10-16 04:02:52 · answer #2 · answered by ValentineP 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you were talking about marrying him, he must have had some qualities that you thought were worthwhile. Now you're ready to dump him without the benefit of the doubt? You're either not mature enough to get married, or you two don't really know each other well enough to get married in the first place.
Give him a chance. If he turns her down, your relationship will be stronger. If he marries her, consider yourself lucky for dodging a bullet.
2006-10-16 03:57:33 · answer #3 · answered by Ralfcoder 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the issue here is that he is confused.
If he truly loved you and wanted you, he wouldn't be confused. The fact that he is suggests that his love for you may not be as "real" as you might believe.
You deserve better than to have your heart dragged about. If he does come back to you....then you will always have to question as to why he was confused. There should be no "pause" on love regarding the one to marry....it is...or it isn't.
Let him go, and don't let him come back into your life. It might confuse you if you try "just friends."
Update: Regarding your additional comments.....the fact that he would say something such as you're "still winning" solidifies the fact that you really need to move on. This is your heart...your life....not a game. His behavior is disrespecful.
2006-10-16 04:01:51 · answer #4 · answered by Robert 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dump him, not because fo the "humiliation" you may feel, but because any guy who is dumb enough to ask a girl to marry him twice and get rejected by her twice, shouldn't have someone like you. He shouldn't have talked to her so deeply when he went back home anyway. He also should have taken you with him, especially if you and him were talking abour marriage, sounds like a loser to me.
2006-10-16 03:55:34 · answer #5 · answered by Fuzzy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No........ you're with someone new, and however if he'e no longer speaking marriage, it isn't any reason to bounce at the same time as your ex needs to. in case you want to get married, and your cutting-edge boyfriend doesn't, then perhaps you ought to flow on. notwithstanding, the actual incontrovertible truth that your ex is calling you to marry him doesn't advise you ought to flow decrease back to him. for sure he betrayed you (circuitously) and also you broke up with him for it, so why might want to you marry him? It doesn't make sense. do not flow decrease back to the ex, and in case you do not imagine the present relationship isn't going everywhere, perhaps you ought to end that one too and locate somebody else.
2016-12-04 21:32:35 · answer #6 · answered by dricketts 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like he is very weak, poor you, what a terrible situation to be in. Tell him that he has to make a choice, surely he can see that she is just after him for stability. He cannot expect you to wait around for him forever, so tell him he has to choose, before you come home, so that you can mentally and physically prepare.
2006-10-16 03:53:57 · answer #7 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you say you guys have been together for a year, so i guess you must love each other alot.
am thinking its really worth giving him the chance to think,
i would stay away for a while.
if you dumped him now , and he desided he wants you, am sure you will regrit it for a long time.
2006-10-16 03:59:19 · answer #8 · answered by mhk9626 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't be too quick to dump him coz he's just got his emotions mixed up right now and help him make his mind up about staying with you (show him that you the better person for him) coz surely if she can do that to him over and over ahaind what makes him think that she wont do it to him again..
wel best of luck girl and dont let him slip through your fingers coz you both might regret it if you do.. fight for whats yours
2006-10-16 03:57:16 · answer #9 · answered by Crazy_German 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dump him before he dumps you. This is the only way to avoid humiliation.
2006-10-16 03:55:51 · answer #10 · answered by malamas 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋