Advice please!!! Urgent!!!!?

Question

Hi, i'm asking this here as i just dont know what else i can do. my family recently suffered a bereavement and my 7 year old son took it quite hard though in the last couple of months seems fine. anyway he was allowed watch this scary film by a silly friends parent and ever since hes been terrified of everything.
He wont go anywhere on his own in the house, if we're downstairs and i go upstairs he follows, if he needs to go to the toilet i've to go with him when hes going to bed i've to stay with him until he falls asleep etc etc and its just getting worse now by the day and i dont know if its to do with the bereavement or wheter it was this scary film or whatever and i feel if i could get to the source of the problem i'd be 1 step closer but nothing is working.

Please has anybody any suggestions on how i can conquer this. we're very close and i've tried talking to him about it and he we've tried a few different things but to no avail he says he cant help it

I'm desperate now!!!

Oh hes been in childrens group counselling for a while for bereavement + he seemed fine when he finished.

Answer 1

Try talking to him, asking him specifically what it is, which I'm sure you've done already.

You could wait until it's darker in the house, around the time he's usually following you everywhere, and take him through a walk around the house. Open doors, look under his bed, sit in a dark room and just talk about happy things like what he did in school or something he was praised for - like a good grade on a test, etc... talk about a family vacation or times where he was most happiest as you sit in the dark. Have some snacks and maybe play some games. Make it fun.

I'm reaching, but it's just an idea. If everything you've tried has failed, I'd suggest taking him back to counseling. He may have seemed alright when it ended the first time, but something triggered those feelings again and he needs help in dealing with them.

Answer 2

Short of doing what you're already doing, I'd suggest you talk to a doctor about him. I guess the counselling will have helped him a little with the bereavement - writing/drawing things, talking about the pictures etc. - but nothing can have prepared him for the scary film. My guess is that the film contained some nasty shocks in a house and he associates the darkness in your home with the events of the film. It's going to be hard work, but you'll have to stick with the following round, accompanying to the toilet and such.

His memory of the film will ease in time so until then, you'll have to make him feel loved and safe - be kind, be close, be his friend and try to talk to him about why he feels that way.

Answer 3

I personally if I was watching him would not of let him watch any scary movies, at that age their imagination starts to get away from them, they are even scared of shadows on the wall, which could only be a jacket hanging on the back of the chair. I would try and explain to him, that the movie was fake, the characters in the movie were all actors. I would also say that the characters would probably be recieving awards for their performance. It will take some time for the images to go away, I would also tell him that when he feels scared think about something good, like how many games you both have played together, just to make him feel better check under the bed and in the closet, let him (if he wants) watch you do this, give him a nightlight also. I hope this helps you, and good luck!

Answer 4

when i was that age the exact same thing happened to me and i couldnt go anywhere and stayed up for hours scared even too scared to move lying in bed all because of a film its not anything to do with the bereavement. it got better with time but i still get scared sometimes now 8 years after. do something about it and soon its a horrible feeling im so sorry that hes going through it. its all about the things that arent real that scared me the most and my imagination would just run wild. it made me feel like nothing could get to me when my mum was there i felt soooooo much safer i dont know why

Answer 5

Does he understand how and why this person died as I think it has affected him in a way that he seems afraid that he may even loose you or that he himself may die,make sure he understands what happened to the deceased and that you are his mummy and that you are going to be here for a long time to look after him,if it helps tell him this person is an angel looking over him try to make him see that god sometimes takes people away who are sick.I'm not sure the film he saw terrified him its just the bereavement ,he is too young to properly understand why people die,and although he had counselling it doesnt sound as if it helped.

Answer 6

Just be there with him...give him as much time as he needs. After a while get him to talk about the film - not at night though and do it at a happy time. Talk it though with him and show him how scary things like he saw can't/don't happen. Explain to him that some adults like to be scared and some don't. You could get him to draw a pic of something from the film and then change it into something funny...you need to find a nice calm way of changing the pictures that are in his head. Good luck!

Answer 7

Try and do everything like making sure he has a night light on, put a torch next to his bed, make sure he has a familiar and comfortable object around like a teddy or favourite blanket. When he needs the loo try talking to him all the time instead of going with him. The sound of your voice will comfort him. Try playing soft music in his room when he goes to bed or leaving a radio on so that he has company and is not alone.

Watch Monsters Inc with him and show him how the monsters in scary movies are in our minds. Above all be patient and understanding-don't get cross because he does not want to be this way.

Answer 8

You need to find out the root of the fear and work from there otherwise you'll be carrying on like this for ages, if its the dark he's afraid off then put nightlights everywhere in his room, leave the hall light on so that he has some reassurance and tell him that whatever it is he is afraid off he has no reason to be and pretend something silly like you have chased the bad stuff out of the house and it'll never return and give him something that makes him feel close to you so he can cuddle it when in bed scared and give him a torch to make him feel better too.

Answer 9

I suppose that being there for him is a given, but really be there for him don't stop the reassurance, perhaps not molly coddling but more of the constant confidence that he will need to learn from you.
Hope he comes through OK. Bereavement is hard at any age and scary films have a tendency to stay with you.

Answer 10

gently discuss discuss the trip to the other kids house - ask what he liked and what he did not like ask if he was scared of anything.
If you get no closer to the answer suggest that you then move on to
the parents of the kid: enquire if your child showed fear or cried at the film.
if still no joy maybe you could revisit the bereavement or maybe its an issue unassociated with that possibly something troubling him /her at school - bullying etc diont forget children talk to so possibly the death in the fam,ily was mentioned by your child to another
remember all familioes have different ways of dealiong with things - as a kisd i became worried when a friend told me that as i was not christened i would burn in hell (cos her granny told her so) i was terrified of the night for ages until my parents found out

go gentle with your little one - no heavy conversations listen rather than do all the talking but most of all reassure them you are there to keep him/her safe hope it gets resolved