How Do Parents Handle This?

Question

I know that it's common for children to bully other children in school. My mother has had this dilemma with my little brother being bullied before. What do you parents do to teach your children how to handle bullies? On the one hand, you don't want to teach them to be violent or engage in fighting, but on the other hand, you don't want to totally handicap them, so that they won't be able to survive, or will seem like an easy target to bullies. How do you teach them to defend themselves, and avoid them being labeled a "wuss" (only word I could think of), while at the same time, showing them that fighting is not always the answer?

Answer 1

This is what my husband tells my boys: Dont start the fight but end it. He says if someone hits you, hit them in the face hard and keep hitting until they go done. It used to upset me, but I did not want people picking on my boys either. Once other kids know they will stand up for themselves (even if they dont win) they dont get picked on.

Answer 2

We were always told 'Don't you dare throw that first punch, but if they start it, you end it.'

Of course, your child would need to understand that that doesn't mean get in a fight every time some one pushes them in line, or runs into them on the playground.

But if you only teach them to go tell the teacher, then they'll quickly be labelled as a tattletale or a wuss, and the bullying will get worse. Ditto if you call the other kids mom, cause then your kid will be a mama's boy. Kids are cruel, and I think that some adults forget that.

Answer 3

As a child I started school early and most of my classmates were several months to a year older than me. Due to the age difference, I was smaller than most of the other children an started to become a target as the other kids started to get significantly bigger than me.

Luckily, I started playing little league football. The exercise and physical contact gave me the confidence to stand up for myself. Once the bullies knew I wouldn't back down, it ended quickly. I think I had one or two fights after that and wasn't picked on again.

Telling a child to stand up for themselves is good, but you need to give them the confidence and courage to actually do it. A sport or a martial arts class could help temendously.

Once the child makes a stand, the bullying will end quickly. Bullies aren't looking for a fight. Your continued guidance that standing up for yourself is good, but starting fights is wrong is definately the right attitude.

Answer 4

you dont say how old your brother is?
with different ages it can differ... but my 2yr old was a bit of a bully so me and my friend taught her son... the aim of the unsolisitered hitting from mine, to put his hand out in front and just shout stop! then walk away... my son was stopped in his tracks a number of times and has now learnt not to do the undesired behaviour... and my friends son has really improved in self confidence even as a toddler!

im sure that a simple basic of this could be used with your brother its all about bravido and confidence... once a bully thinks your confident to stand up to them they will generally stop and find an easier target... bullies dont like hard work!

so maybe sit with your brother and practice being 'police men' in front of the mirror and shouting stop while putting his had up plam flat towards the bully... as if stopping traffic and then finish "with a stop waisting my time"... to show the bully it no longer has an effect...

getting teachers involved also helps, my sons school has a bullying diary, the kids involved have to fill in daily... of any incidences... the bullies have to do one too... it seems to have been very effective in his school.

there is a charity called kidscape you can look them up on the internet, they are an anti bullying organisation who help schools cope with anti social behaviour. and also have personal stragities to help victims.

just what ever you don dont ignore it, always lisiten and beleive, dont belittle it, always take it seriously... kids have very sadly died because they havent been lisitened too

i wish you all the best

Answer 5

I had this problem when my child was in public school. Sometimes the pincipal does not help nor do the teachers they could be real duds. What I did was I taught her to stay away from bullies and when I went to pick her up from school she would introduce them to me and I would talk to them with compliments and tell them how nice it was to meet a fellow student of my child. It helped a lot did not solve the problem completely but it did help. Get involve and work with your child and the bully because the school sometimes just wont bother

Answer 6

Sometimes fighting is THE answer. Trust me on that one. My girl was being bullied and one day just hauled of and punched the other student. Guess what? That was the end of it. She got kicked out of school for 10 days, and still made honor roll.

Answer 7

I have always told my children that they should stand up for themselves. But, I have also told them that there is a very big difference between standing up for yourself and looking for trouble. i dont nessessarily agree with resorting to violence, but if my daughter or son were getting beat up I would hope that they would fight back. That is DEFENSE. And I have told them when it comes to their saftey, then they should fight back.
I also have told them that just because someone says something mean or hurtful to them, it is not a reason to fight. Ignore people that say things because they are the ones making themselves look dumb. The only reason to EVER EVER use physical force is to defend yourself or your sibling when they are under physical attack or harm. period.

Answer 8

yes, fighting is not the answer, but you must deal with the bully situation. as long as the bullie thinks he has leverage then he will continue to pick on your brother, he sees him as weak. what your brother must do is next time the bullie picks on him is go kick him in the nuts. h needs to stand up for himself even if he does get a good thrashing, at least he stood his ground and the bullie probably wont pick on him anymore, because he will no longer be seen as weak and timid. violence is not the answer, but he must stand up for himself.

Answer 9

Teach them to be witty. Find the bully's weak spot and pounce on that. On the other hand I was a quiet kid growing up and my mom always told me if they hit you hit back and I have one or twice. I have always gone for words on the weak spot.

Answer 10

you tell them as much.

My children will know that starting a fight is unacceptable, however if they are pushed into a corner and are being bullied. They must stand up for themselves.

Its a fine line.