Do i let my husbands 11 year old daughter live with us?

Question

At the moment she lives with her mom & moms boyfriend approx 15mins walking distance from us & my husband sees her at twice per week.
She doesn’t get on with her moms boyfriend and seemingly her mum favours him over her. Consequently my stepdaughter feels unloved by her mother and wants 2be with us.
Her mom has 2 other children &as my stepdaughter is the eldest child she seems to treat her more like and adult rather than the 11 year old she should be!
There has been a 6 year feud between myself and my husbands ex partner over the way that his daughter is being brought up.
Now, my husband has asked whether it would be practical for his daughter to move in with us! It seems like the solution, and I know we can give her more than her mother can but,as much as she hates being with her mom she idolises her and no matter what I did for her,her mom would always be on a pedestal.Do I bring up my husbands daughter - knowing that I will always be 2nd best 2 someone I detest or do I say yes

Answer 1

Of course you should bring her up.
At 11 she is able to express her desires and understand yours. She is not a baby. She is almost an adult.
I think you will find that her relationship with her mun will decrease and with you and her dad will increase.
I would also say, that you should put an 11 year old's needs before your own.

Answer 2

That's a tough decision to make. However, if you husband wants her to live with you, and if you and the girl get along, you should accept it. Also, know that the girl choosing her mom over you doesn't mean you're second best; it just means she's choosing her mom. You don't have to act as the girls mother. You can be the female adult in the house, guide her with the rules that would be, and be her friend. And you never know, after some time of her living there, she may decide she likes you better. I dont think your personal feelings about her or her mother should determine the decision of her living there. She needs security, guidance, and people who are going to teach her how to grow up yet still let her enjoy her child hood. good luck.

Answer 3

Hard as it is you need to put the needs of this child first. She must be feeling unloved and rejected by her own mum and she desperately needs a secure home with people who love her. Yes she will always idolise her mum - that is natural - but she will love and respect you for taking her in and caring for her. You won't be "second best" as you're not her mum but you will be her guardian - you shouldn't even be comparing this. As long as you make it clear to her from the start that you don't intend to replace her mother I think you and her will develop a great relationship. Just be honest with her from the start and don't try to be something you're not, and it will work out fine. I definitely think you should say yes regardless of your own worries - she's a child and needs a secure home. You have the potenial to give that to her so do it! I had a terrible upbringing and I would#ve loved someone to give me a home so please don't turn your back on this girl. I'm sure your husband will love you the more for it too.

Answer 4

It's not about who she thinks is best right now, what matters is you bringing up this little girl to be a better person for the near future. With time she will come to respect and love you even more for bringing her up in the best way you could. It's not about you being 2nd best because right now she's a child, and children tend to do things like this especially when it's their mother. Don't take it personal right now. Focus on the end result, and the bigger picture. In the end you will feel like you have won and achieved something where this is concerned, and that's a pedestal you can have all to yourself without anybody putting you there. She needs structure and a mother that's going to act like one, not a friend. You can provide this for her. Good luck!!!

Answer 5

its up to the courts not the 11 yo, if there has been a feud there is no chance of the mother letting the kid leave. You will have to go thru motions to modify custody, which is a civil matter, and a long pain in the ***. the husband has to show that significant changes have taken place since the courts gave the mother custody. A bf the girl doesnt like isnt grounds for change, my gf's kids arent too pleased with me at times, but that is cause I went from a "friend" to living over and Im probably the first one to say NO to them in years.

Answer 6

Time Heals everything. Right now all is in an awkward situation. I think personally that at 11 you can somewhat think for what you want and decide what you want to do. If your step child wants to live with you then she obviously knows what she wants ,"and wants 2be with us". As for mom being on a pedestal, can you blame her? It may not be right but its her mother. However you can be on your own pedestal as the best step mom she can have. The only thing I can say is as a parent of three myself, All you want is whats best for your children. If your husband is that concerned about his child and thinks its in her well being then you as her step mother should help him and her make a comfortable transition. When you married him you married her also. Do whats best for her, you may not have personally brought her into the world but you can help her succeed in it.

Answer 7

you're no longer overreacting in any respect- notwithstanding if it became meant to be harmless, i understand that as quickly as i became 11 i could have felt rather uncomfortable showering with anybody else, no longer to indicate an person male. before everything, do no longer forget your daughter's emotional properly being appropriate now. that's possibly that she'll be feeling very perplexed and disenchanted so make advantageous she is conscious which you will constantly love her, preserve her and help her no rely what happens. This then ability that she might desire to sense greater gentle in beginning up approximately what rather got here approximately, if something. i could press fees if she properly-knownshows something as that's an exceedingly intense case, and if no longer i could nonetheless be very weary approximately your brother in regulation as this style of behaviour will constantly be irrelevant and any 27 3 hundred and sixty 5 days previous could understand that. purely make advantageous your daughter is conscious she would have the ability to constantly come first.

Answer 8

You already know what you should do. You should let that little girl live in your home. You said so yourself that she would be better off with you and your husband. And don't worry about being second best, it might be that way now, but give her time and she will likely put you on that pedestal. Just be a good friend to her first. Best of luck to you and your family!

Answer 9

Yes I had a nephew who lived with us from the time he was 11 to 18 and he loved it. If you can make piece with her mother and it is something that would be best for the child then yes. But you need to make sure that the dhild is ok with it and do it legally. I would get temprory custody of her.

Answer 10

If you love your husband and care at all about his child then yes, you let her come live with the two of you. As harsh as it may sound, her mother will ALWAYS be her mother and no matter how awful she seems or appears to treat the child, the child will never shut out her love for her mother....most importantly, you shouldn't want her to! Allow her to grow and maybe one day, as she is older, she will come to value you as "another mother", but if you have any dreams of being 1st or replacing her mother is VERY unfair to yourself and the child.