what should i do?

Question

i have been paying 800 $ a month child support for 16 years... my daughter picked a college w/o consulting me or asking me about how much i could afford to pay to help her out.. now she and her mom can't come up with the money and want me to pay the full tuition every other year .. they never applied for loans or aid... i started another family {adopted two children from asia}.. i got a decent job but lots of bills... i told them i would help as much as i could {w/ books etc}.. i would ve hoped some of the 800 per month was set up in a fund for college but apparently it was not

child support stopped at 18 or graduaution of high school

Answer 1

It's not right for them to dump this on you without your input. Maybe you can help your daughter start applying for financial help. You can only do what you can do. At the school where I taught the senior counselor was constantly putting out information about scholarships. She should check with her counselors at school. The financial aid office at her chosen school may be of some help as well. If worse comes to worse, a community college for a year wouldn't be bad. She can save her money and go on to the school she wants to attend as a sophomore.

Answer 2

The $800/month you paid for the last 16 years was for expenses at that time. You and your daughter's mother both should have contributed to a college fund. It sounds like they are asking you to pay half the cost of college; however,you are not obligated to do that. Some parents help with college while others don't. It can make a big difference in your daughter's future...will she start off being strapped with loans to repay or be able to start off with no debt. It is fair to ask her to help by applying for scholarships, etc. But then you and her mother can help with other expenses. It sounds as if you feel you have paid all you should for this child and want to move on with your new family. Is that fair to your daughter? What do you plan to do for your new children's education? How is that different from what you have done for your daughter? Think about that before you make a decision about how to support her in the future.

Answer 3

Is your daughter 18 yet? If so, she's reached the age of majority and you're no longer obligated to child support. Check your divorce decree for the details or contact a lawyer.

Your daughter can still apply for financial aid through the school and/or take out a student loan. She can also get a part time job to help with the expenses. If the school is close to home she can consider living at home and commuting to school for awhile.

Those are just some suggestions for you. It's truly unkind for your ex and your daughter to expect you to pay everything and not tell you until the last minute. Try & have a dicussion between the 3 of you so you can come to some kind of satisfactory agreement for all of you.'

Answer 4

Hi...

There are always two (or more) sides to every story but I would have to agree that this could have been avoided if they had checked with you about what funds would be available.

It sounds as though your "legal" obligations have been met with your Child Support payments, and now you're just trying to be a good dad. But you don't have one child, you have three, and you (not your daughter, not your ex-wife) are the only one who can and should say "After reviewing all my financial responsibilities, this is what I can contribute toward your further education."

You don't sign the papers to buy a car without knowing how you're going to pay for it, and you'd have no right to expect anyone else to help you pay for it when you found out you couldn't afford it. If she really wants this school, she'll have to figure out how to come up with the balance. She may have to postpone attending this year and opt for a junior college and a part time job.

Stand your ground here, sir. (As an aside, I wonder what factors brought her to choose this school... her choice of studies? or a girlfriend or boyfriend attending the same school? or because of the location?)

Good Luck... I'll say a prayer for you!

Answer 5

well,i feel for you! that is very inconsiderate of your daughter and ex to choose a college without consulting you and then expect you to pay for it?!!!that should have been a family decision!!!i say tell your daughter to get off her duff and apply for financial aid etc...and to get a part time job!college students that "work" for thier future will appreciate it much more.my daughter is doing full time college classes,works part time and applies for every aid possible.she is now in her 2nd year of college without any help from us except an occasional $100 or so in case of tight times at the beginning of the school year.be firm!

Answer 6

The truth is education is the most valuable thing we can give our children. However, you have a right to be in on the decision of where she goes to school if you are expected to pay part of it.

Tell her to make application for grants, loans, and scholarships, and then you will assist. They will take into account your income and assets when deciding if you qualify for financial aid.

Education is a short-term debt for a long-term investment. It is the investment that keeps on paying dividends.