I find myself on my own, I have two children from my relationship (marriage 5 years) which lasted 10 years total, and have just moved into a house on my own after a seven year relationship, I have just realised I have wasted half my life (I am 35) on two men who just did not deserve it, I think half my problem is I am too nice, but I am hoping that I do not have to become twisted and cynical just to find a decent bloke! I am not into going drinking etc so I am aware that I will find it really hard to meet someone. where do I start....
2006-10-16 01:51:42 · 34 answers · asked by chelleyb 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
for some of your information, I am not looking for a replacement Dad for my children, I have my own house, am quite capable of providing for me and mine. And if you men are so frightened of my kids then you don't deserve to be in their lives anyway!
I am appalled that you think that my kids are such a baggage..
2006-10-17 04:01:02 · update #1
They are out there ! I'm not sure where to look but I believe the key is to give yourself time to see what kind of man they are before you rush into a relationship.
2006-10-16 01:56:00 · answer #1 · answered by "karma" 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You start by getting yourself a hobby or interest that involves meeting other people - Latin American dancing or walking, photography or painting, do a night school course or something like that. Then you'll gain new confidence, knowledge and a new group of friends of both sexes.
You haven't particularly wasted half your life - you have two kids which must be a blessing at least some of the time - and you sound like a well-balanced kind of person. I'm sure you can find happiness if you don't try too hard looking for it - you could meet "Mr. Right" at the supermarket for example.
2006-10-16 04:21:51 · answer #2 · answered by Marinersfan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good luck. Super Long Stories- Both will help~
Most of the single Mom 's and Dad's I know found happiness with other parents that share the same activities as their child (sports/dance etc) also being active in a very large church and often time they offer babysitting for events. Good for you both.
Here is a real story to lighten your heart.
I had a friend [Karen]that volunteered at a food kitchen and the big Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners for the citywide event at a local sports area. She was interviewed on TV at Thanksgiving and an old boyfriend saw her and came to the Christmas event, noticed she did not have a ring and asked her out. A year later the day after Christmas they got married and had a merged family of 5- 2 (7 & 9) her kids, 1-his (7), and by Easter of that next year they were pregenat for theirs- [that was the first Super feast she ever missed that Fall season] Yet she did send him with the other three kids! That was 8 years ago, and two children more (recentely adopted a relatives son and had another daughter [kids 18, 2-16, 7, 5, 3] Parents both 41 they are a HUGE happy family. 4 girls, 2 boys (18 & 3).
Two miracles really!
And you wonder-How can they afford this? He has worked really had for many years, and lived in his parents home and paid if off, before he got married the first time, after the divorce he moved home (Grandpa had past and Grandma-helped with daughter)
So he created a huge savings account, since they didn't need much then and no expenses. He got Full custody (long sad story) FAST FORWARD- Her new old boyfriend ( now husband legally adopted her children after paying her ex-dead beat dad husband $8,000 to sign over the kids to her. (he just wanted to pay off his truck-and didn't want the kids anyway)
Her Son, said NO and at age 18 he legally changed his name and didn't tell them-They found out at high school graduation, when he was announced....what a lovely day that was....a huge honor.
My friends tease me about watching the TV show 7th Heaven, (and joking- I know those folks) yet this is like looking in the windows of my friends house to watch this show. She actually looks 10 years younger and it so happy. The same old house, now has a conveted garage and a two story guest (grandma) house in the back, that over looks a state of the art playground. Its amazing- that place has a dozen kids there almost daily... its really a miracle! It is the place to be!
So yes Miracles do happen. This family is not "fictional nor perfect", yet its proof that God is watching out for you! Her man was always there, she just didn't see him.
Relucent to even date at all, this skinny bald man, he won her heart and another friend married her son's soccer coach and they both have sons the same age that are bestfriends and brothers. He was a Prince and She was worshipped like a goddess by him. Sadly she died last May of colon Cancer, yet he got legal custody of both boys prior to her passing. The husband is still sad and blessed to have two sons~ now. If you ask him, he will tell you the remarkable 5 years with Rene was worth all the pain of the loss. Look I have her eyes in "his" son. They are very good boys and have worked hard to keep her family close to the kids. He already talked to the boys about what the future holds for them all. He said he will not remarry most likely. Once the boys are out of college, he will take a job overseas and travel a bit, "the family home" will be occupied his sister, so if the boys need to come home for some reason, their Aunt will be there, and retire close to where they start to build their families.
Best wishes
2006-10-16 02:47:04 · answer #3 · answered by Denise W 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly how you feel, I'm 34 and whilst never been married or anyhting like that think that I am too nice. I never seem to meet the right girl and when I do seem to get used. So I can sympathise.
It is difficult, but how about an internet dating site. Get to know someone first in this form and then work from there. You deserve someone special and I hope you find them.
Just out of curiosity, what part of the country are you??x
2006-10-16 02:40:20 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just relax. The past has made you who you are and next time you are in a relationship things will be 10 times better. Because of your experience you will attract the kind of man who has also been down this road and can appreciate well.. you. So again just relax, settle into your new life, work on you and the right guy will come along.
2006-10-16 03:14:53 · answer #5 · answered by jackson 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You start by sorting yourself out. If you define your life - and ultimately yourself - by having a partner (male or female) then you are always going to be vulnerable to chancers, the insincere and those who see you as a less important person than themselves.
If you are looking for a partner who will be your equal, will respect you and love you for yourself, you have to be capable of this yourself.
There's a difference between being nice and being a victim. It's okay to be assertive - sooner or later your children will be looking to you as a model for forming their own romantic attachments. See yourself through their eyes, compare it to the person you would like them to be so they do not get hurt in the ways that you have. These are the changes you need to make to attract a different type of partner.
The nice you will always be there and an open minded, decent adult will be willing to comprimise on certain issues and to wait for you to allow him through certain barriers. The users, cheats and hangers on will go and find easier prey.
Drinking culture does predominate in our society, but it is not all-encompassing. There are plenty of people out there who enjoy other pursuits. In my experience, the best way to meet people with whom you share a common interest is to keep doing the things you like to do - and they will be there too. As your children get older, it should be easier for you to make more time for an activity of your own - and if it's been too long, then try a few and find one you like.
Good luck
2006-10-16 02:05:01 · answer #6 · answered by lickintonight 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dunno , but if you find out let me know. I feel desolate at times cos men do not seem to want anything other than sex. I want so much more and am willing to give so much in return. I am also divorced and have children. Clubs & pubs are definitely not the places to go (other than to dance with your mates that is). There are lovely people out there - a few of my friends have recently met their soulmates. Maybe I am too nice also. I cannot be anything other than I am though. I guess it will happen when it happens. I meet people through other friends, work, courses, and other opprtunities. I meet men frequently, but they only want to have a physical relationship (which can be nice) but like I said before, I want to be cherished and loved, and I want to share my life, family, friends, humour, worldly goods yada yada and to have someone to do likewise. We all want to feel special to someone after all. He will be out there so take heart and don't try too hard. Good luck and enjoy your life anyway.
2006-10-16 02:28:33 · answer #7 · answered by Jojo whitey 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think there are any nice guys out there. They all start out jerks and decide where to go from there. Go to a park or somewhere doing something you like to do. That would be the best place to find a good guy. Don't worry, meeting guys in the bar is the wrong place. Guys are different when they are drunk and the relationship goes sour as soon as you don't want to go to the bar.
2006-10-16 02:00:47 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sadly, I know where your'e coming from.....so its not just women who experience your situation......finding a decent person full-stop is hard enough, no matter what sex. I too spent a total of 15 years in what you call 'wasted' relationships. but they weren't really wasted. Life is full of cruel twists and no matter what happens, we do learn from past experiences......dont ever think this time was a waste. Sadly, things didn't turn out as you hoped. But you've two children to be proud of.............and unless you have it in you naturally to become twisted, you wont.......neither should you resort to pubs in your search. Get your self confidece back, look after the kids and be patient..........I know, cos' thats where Im at...............I wish you luck......and if you ever want to chat.............
2006-10-16 06:23:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO. don't say you wasted your life....you tried and it did not work out.....you have two beautiful children and your a wonderful woman....any man would love to have to you, I'm 34 and will be 35 in a couple of weeks...I have one daughter and I'm on my own too. Although it is moving slow....I say the best thing to do is go places with your children.....you will find men who are single dads there.....or even single men just hanging out with their family members........good luck
2006-10-16 01:59:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Firstly you haven't wasted half of your life with these men, you have gained experiance and 2 wonderful children. Now you need to find yourself a hobbie where you can go and meet new people, join a bowling club, start a class at your local college, socialising doesnt have to invove drinking!
2006-10-16 01:56:46 · answer #11 · answered by Jo. 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋