I was with a guy for 5 years. In that timeframe he became good good friends with my family. I have remarried now and my husband hates him because of my family constantly having him around them. They don't understand. He still loves me and makes no quips or qualms about it, and my family is to blame I think. They won't let him out of their lives now for almost a decade and a half. It is causing problems in our marriage and no matter how hard I try to tell all my family members they don't get it.
Chripe, they had him be pall bearer at my Mom and Dad's funerals, and they think my husband needs to grow up. It is disgusting. Any ideas how to stop their behavior, or is my husband insecure? He shows up everywhere to all of our family functions and Holidays. HELP
2006-10-15 23:55:22 · 6 answers · asked by Kay M 2 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Okay, so you have already told them about how you feel. They have ignored your feelings. So why are you continually still going to family functions? Take a stand or it will never stop.
I think your husband is right, it's wrong that they are ignoring your feelings. I would NOT be at the next family function and the one after that, if this man is going to be there. Tell them if he is there, you won't be.Take a stand!
2006-10-16 00:07:04 · answer #1 · answered by Barbara 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont believe we have all the information...
If your husband feels threatened, then you have a problem in your own relationship- with or without the ex in the picture.
You cant control your family and I would say that if they felt so strongly to have him be a pall bearer, they probably see him as their friend first, your ex second...unless they 1) dont like your husband or 2) think you two will get back together
-but that's the problem with former relationships that rekindle...there were reasons why they did not work the first time, and more often than not, they were 1) good reasons and/or 2) never addressed since the break-up.
2006-10-16 00:08:36 · answer #2 · answered by paradigm_thinker 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi!! I would be easy for me to sit here and pass judgment on either your husbands insecurities and your families unwillingness to accept that the ex should be banished the moment you broke up with him, i mean you are family, right? But aside from all the psychoanalyzing than can be indulged in here why don't you try a little magic. This is a simple spell but it might just be the ticket for you. First get something personal from your ex, say some hair. Then during a full moon cast a circle and raise a cone of energy. Concentrate on your ex and get a very clear picture of him in your mind, then place this picture of him in a place very far away from where you live. Say you live in a city, then picture him in the country side or something along those lines. Once you have a really clear picture of your ex happily being in this new environment place the hair or whatever you collected and place this in an envelope repeating "So might it be!" three times. Ground your energy and close the circle. Next day make sure you post that envelope to that far away place you imagined and sit back and wait. Eventually circumstances will arise that will take him away from you and your family without causing harm to anyone. Good luck!
2006-10-16 00:06:45 · answer #3 · answered by soul_arching_rookie 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i know how you feel, i just recently came out of a four year, and the last two was in a home across the street from my in-laws,and they had my ex's ex living with them,cause he was down on his luck and had no where to go quote un quote , well it eventually became the death of us and to not quite my surprise she went back to Him two weeks later, anyway i know how you feel and my best answer is to just tell him and your parents that he is not welcome and if they choose to have him around, draw a line and refuse to participate in these functions.and if it still continues ,threaten with a restraining order maybe that will open their eyes. but after that i really don't know,can you beat him up and send him home crying to mommy ? maybe?he sounds like a stalker.and i don't think your husband is insecure, he has a good reason to worry, the guy seems like a nut job!i know i felt that way,but in my case i was right.they did split again and she still calls me but its still a good conversation piece, live and learn!
2006-10-16 00:28:07 · answer #4 · answered by Shawn W 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your family is being extremely insensitive. While you cannot force them to cut off all ties to your ex, you can tell them that if he will be at a function you and your husband will NOT.
2006-10-16 00:03:58 · answer #5 · answered by apeystar 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you have the right to tell your family who they should or should not have as a friend?
If so - tell them
If not - make your own choices for yourself.
But you should explain to them the difficulty you find yourself in and why you might be spending less time with them.
2006-10-15 23:58:27 · answer #6 · answered by Orinoco 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋