Hey my dad died not to long ago?

Question

My dad died on Sept. 18th this year at 3am. I got a call at 3am from some random guy and he told me that he was at the hospital with my mom an that my dad had passed away. I'm about 3 hours away at college, so I wasnt there. But my question is how can I help my mom? Shes all alone in our big house with only my dog there and my dad had earned 5 times more than her. and she has to pay for my college as well as my brothers out of state tuition and apartment. Plus shes got to deal with probate and all this stuff my dad had like stocks, and property in North Carolina as well as a farm in Ohio. And I just want to be there for her but I cant cause Im stuck at college. I want to know how I can be there for her...

I cant get a job right now I am only a freshmen in college and she doesnt want me to get one because she feels it will distract me from my studying. I dont have a car to come down and see her. Im in no way selfish I've been thinking of ways to narrow costs for my mom on the college living side. I added up all of the sorority costs for living to see if it was less then residence halls...and I call her almost everyday I can.

Answer 1

SORRY TO LISTEN THIS NEWS DEFINITELY WHEN HEAD OF THE FAMILY PASSED. SOME PROBLEMS COME. BUT WE HAVE TO FACE IT. I THINK YOUR MOTHER MAY ABLE TO MANAGE THE THINGS. GOD GIVE HER COURAGE TO FACE THIS SORROW AND ADVISE TO YOU COMPLETE YOUR STUDY AND FULFIL THE DREAMS OF YOUR FATHER WHICH HE HAD SEEN FOR YOU. VISIT REGULARLY TO MOTHER.

Answer 2

First off, I'm sorry for your loss. You are grieving too.

Second, I think that you need to stay in school and finish. Get a job and start paying your own way through school. Talk to your school counselor and strike a friendship with the scholarships advisor at your school and apply to every single scholarship and award money grant you can find before even considering taking a loan. And when you take a loan, take it on deferrment, so you don't have to pay right away and not right after school is done so you can find a job and then start paying it off in installments. Many people have been in your situation and have handled it this way.

I don't know how being at home is going to solve anything except for you to be sad and stare at your mom being sad -- unless you are going to go straight to work and help to support the house. Are you willing to make that commitment? Are you being asked to? Remember, if you decide to go this route, make sure it's because you want to, not because you feel pressure to. Because you will end up resentful no matter how hard you try not to if you feel pressured or want your mom to like you more than your sibling. Long story, but it happened to my cousin so that's why I bring that up.

Your mom can always sell the house and move to a smaller one since the kids are already in college and away for most of the time anyway -- and she could use a fresh start, as the big house may hold too many memories for her, you see what I mean?

When my dad died, my mother had to carry on. Your mom will have to as well. The other option is to curl up and die. I'm sure your mom is made of a lot tougher material than that. Give her some credit. She will cry, she will want to grieve, that is her right. But don't mess up your life because she may not want you to. As your mom, she will want you to finish what you started and not get distracted or sidetracked. That would dishonor your dad's memory.

Good luck in this rough time. And believe it or not, this too shall pass. It will take time and patience. That's all I can say -- grieving can take up to a year. I wish you the very best and take care of yourself too.

Answer 3

I am sorry for your loss, CD. Right now if you want to help Mom, let you and your brother not be a worry. Continue your education, pull good grades, and go home on the holidays.

It may sound strange, but your mother needs this time alone in the home she shared with her husband. She needs the time to be able to cry. And most people won't cry unless they are alone.

She needs to be able to get up, cry, go to work, come home and cry and go to bed, and cry. This is her time of mourning. It is a sacred time when she reviews her life with this man, and finds the place within herself which will allow her to heal.

You and your brother should be calling her. Ask her if there is anything you can do for her, and if she tells you there is, then do follow through and do this for her.

It sounds like your parents have the assets to put you kids through school. This appears to have been important to them. So honor the memory of your father by doing well, and just let Mom let you know if there is anything else you need to be doing.

Answer 4

First of all sorry for you loss, its no good. But its a hard one man... can you not get loans to pay your college education?? or could you possibly get a job to help pay some yourself?? Poor lady has lost the love of her life so she be pretty lonely... Could you move instate? Would she consider selling the house for something smaller? Or sell some property and stocks? It would be nice if her children could be with her and study close by, get a partime job to help her out with the massive tuition fees... even just till she is on her feet again?? Surely you cant all be STUCK there?

Answer 5

Will answer later.
I am back.

My heart felt condolence.

You need to talk to her and find out, what is on her mind. Offer to help, say you will be willing to take a break from the studies, if she need the help.

The best thing you can do is to finish your study and be independent, as soon as possible. I can guess that she is working and has her own income, beside all the other things you mention as assets, she will need a good lawyer to settle the estate.

I do not think that money will be her problem in the long run. In the short run she may have some money problem till the estate is settled.

Answer 6

sounds to me like you are one selfish individual! Your mom has just lost her life partner---and her security----and you are all about how she has to pay for YOUR COLLEGE----and YOUR brothers----If you were my kid----Your gravy train days would be over--- You need to learn some respect and responsibility -----You would getting yourself a JOB---and school days for you would be local----

After the attorney's finish with your DADS estate your poor MOM will be left with zip-----It doesn't matter about the properties in N Carolina or a Farm in Ohio----these properties I am sure are not 100% clear from the dear old BANK---

You also state you're stuck (STUCK) at college. Staying at college is a matter of choice---Selfish people usually put themselves before others and you're doing this to your own MOM-----You take a leave from school....is what you and your brother should do......but seeing how spoiled and selfish you are your brother is probably the same way!

Your MOM will experience many stages of GRIEF....I can't wait for her to get to the ANGRY stage---and cut both your butts off financially!

Answer 7

First and foremost my friend- sincerest condolences on your loss. I can only begin to imagine your pain.

Secondly- bravo for being so mature and self less. You have obviously shown your mother great honour and loyalty in your conduct.

If it is possible, take a break from Uni.

Most institutions will allow you to take a leave of absence in the case of a death in the family.

In the case of money. Your father's assets may well be sold to aid your Mum. As far as you and your brothers tutition, I would suggest finding some way of contributing to your own education.

You cannot expect your Mum to pay for you forever.

Further to your last point- email her, phone her everyday, tell her (and this is vitally important)- that you love her.

Yes she will cry. As will you and your brother- but thats normal is it not.

Best wished my friend- "Strength and Honour"!

The Iceman.

Answer 8

talk 2 her daily in a phone. as 4 Ur college fees take a educational loan.and visit her at weekends Ur college is not that much far away.
I'm feeling so bad 4 u.recently my boyfriends mother died coz of kidney fail. he can't even had the last glimpse of his mother as his mother had gone for treatment and he was all alone in his home. and he had 2 travel 4 one long day 2 get there.he cried so badly.

Answer 9

Alcohol is a depressant. upload your individual depressed concepts & emotions to the mixture, & you may extremely force your self down. eating won't make issues extra effective, it in basic terms makes it WORSE! in case you definitely need to alter the type you experience, then discover a thank you to resign eating. you will ought to stay sober for a minimum of a pair of weeks before you start to experience your melancholy lifting. then you definately will have the potential to start engaged on the grief over the shortcoming of your dad. The eating has allowed you to place that off. yet with a clean head you isn't extremely so lost on your concepts as you're right this moment. in the experience that your concepts are nonetheless somewhat jumbled once you get your self sober, then some councelling can help you paintings by that. I desire you happiness, and stable wellness.

Answer 10

i am sorry for you and your moms loss if your mom has a computer send e-mails back and forth send her little cards or notes call her just to say i love you and ask if shes okay i have 8 grown children and lost my 31 yr old son on sept 8th of this yr. i have one daughter that lives at home one daughter that lives across town and a son that lives several hrs away you will never know what it means just to have your child call just to say i love you and are you okay my other 4 never call unless they need something you would just be amazed at how much the simplest call means to a mom

Answer 11

You could try taking some time out from college and helping your mom if it is that important to you. Im sure she has solicitors and lawyers working on her interests though. Telephone her regularly and reassure her that you can do something to help. Can you visit her at weekends?