sum gud jokes?

Question

sum funny stuffs.................

Answer 1

What??

Answer 2

There were these three guys. They had been walking for 3 days and were very tired. They found a hotel, rented a room and went to sleep. Then, this old guy comes in out of nowhere, and says there is a magic pool just outside their hotel room. He tells them "Ok, you must jump off the diving board, and yell out what you wanna land in."

So the three guys go over to the pool. The first guy, a vegetarian, yells out "Bananas!" and lands in a pool of bananas. The second guy was money hungry and yelled out "Money!" and lands in a pile of money. The third guy jumps, when a bird shits on his head, and he yells ohh ****!!

Answer 3

Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him, "You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?"

Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?"

Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity.

Saint Peter is suitably impressed. "You really ARE Einstein!" he says. "Welcome to heaven!"

The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again, Saint Peter asks for credentials.

Picasso asks, "Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?"

Saint Peter says, "Go ahead."

Picasso erases Einstein's equations and sketches a truly stunning mural with just a few strokes of chalk.

Saint Peter claps. "Surely you are the great artist you claim to be!" he says. "Come on in!"

Then Saint Peter looks up and sees George W. Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head and says, "Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?"

George W. looks bewildered and says, "Who are Einstein and Picasso?"

Saint Peter sighs and says, "Come on in, George."

Answer 4

Funny! 100!

Answer 5

1>A man and a prostitute were having sex
the man's di_ck was in her mouth
she threatened---"give me 1000 bucks otherwise i wil bite it"

the man replied---"give me 5000 bucks otherwise i will pissss in ur mouth"




2>Once a boy wrote to santa clause----"send me a brother"
santa wrote back------"send me ur mother"





3>What is Long & Hard, has a hole at the tip and when u insert it into a wet, hairy & tight hole makes u feel better?
Vicks Inhaler







giv me 10 points plzzzzzzzzzzzzz i need it

Answer 6

Two prostitutes standing on a street corner. One says to the other, "have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
The other replies, "No, but I've been swung around by the t*ts!"

Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "your round."
The other one says "so are you, you fat bastard"

Man goes to the doc, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says 'I'll give you some cream to put on it.'

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'

Answer 7

SANTA try to rape a woman. SHE-If u come 1 step closer i will kill myself! SANTA- Wah kamini wah, mar jana hai par kisi garib ke kaam nahi aana!

Answer 8

The patient says, "Give me the bad news first!"
Doctor replies, "You've got AIDS."
"Oh, no! What could be worse than that?" asks the patient.
"You've also got Alzheimer's Disease."
Looking relieved the patient says, "Oh...Well, that's not so bad. At least I don't have AIDS."..

Answer 9

What is the difference between women and government bonds?
Bonds mature.

Answer 10

why did bill clinton name his dog buddy? cuz he did not wanna be yelling out '' come,spot'' in the white house.

You are like mcdonalds, your cheap, greasy and comes in 60 seconds or less.

Answer 11

q:which is the best bank for vampires?
ans:in a blood bank