i have been having suicidal thoughts,alot lately. and i think i am actually gonna do it this time.HELP?

Question

i l've had to move in my elderly mother, because of an accident i had a couple years ago. i can't work, i have no income and my self worth is gone. my mother makes me feel like crap. i do everything for her and i mean eveything. i feel like a real burden to her; and believe me she sure knows how to do it. she says things that hurt really bad, but then a few hours later she says she didn't mean it. i tell her, you wouldn't have said it if you didn't mean it. she calls me every name under the sun, i just keep my mouth shut, after all she is letting me stay here. i can't afford my meds any more; or see my pain doctor. i'm done. i just can't stand the pain i'm in or put downs anymore.why should i keep taking the abuse?????????????? and yes i have applied for disability, but you know how long that takes.

Answer 1

I'm sorry I have no great answer for you...but know that you helped ME by asking this question. I read the answers, and after sifting through the ones from people who you just know don't get it and people who are stupid bible-thumpers, Some helped. I feel the EXACT same way as you do so often that I want to die. The only thing keeping me here is thinking about who would also want to die if I did..and oddly enough the only one is my boyfriend. Remember that there are actually very few people who will understand how you feel but DON'T let the world and this f-ing government bullshit make you go away! They must deal with us because we are people too. PLEASE email me if you EVER need someone REAL to talk to, seriously. It's damn sad that sometimes the only way for us to get help is through Yahoo Answers.

Answer 2

The following was sent to me several years ago and still helps me! It may help you too:
Things That Will Help Make You Feel Good! Think about them one at a time before going on to the next one. It does make you feel good, especially the thought at the end #45.
1. Falling in love.
2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.
3. A hot shower.
4. No lines at the supermarket.
5. A special glance.
6. Getting a card or letter in the mail
7. Taking a drive on a pretty road.
8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio.!
9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.
11. Chocolate milkshake (vanilla or strawberry).
12. A bubble bath.
13. Giggling
14. A good conversation.
15. The beach
16. Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter.
17. Laughing at yourself.
18. Looking into someones eyes and knowing that they Love you
19. Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
20. Running through sprinklers.
21. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
22. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.
23. Laughing at an inside joke
24. Friends.
25. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.
26. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.
27. Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner).
28. Making new friends or spending time with old ones.
29 Playing with a new puppy or kitten.
30. Having someone play with your hair.
31. Sweet dreams.
32. Hot chocolate.
33. Road trips with friends.
34. Swinging on swings.
35. Making eye contact with a cute stranger.
36. Making chocolate chip cookies.
37. Having your friends send you homemade cookies.
38. Holding hands with someone you care about.
39. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change.
40 Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much desired present from you.
41. Watching the sunrise.
42. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day.
43. Knowing that somebody misses you.
44. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply.
45. Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter what other people think.

Answer 3

Unless she is really sadistic, I don't think that your mother really intends to cause you distress with her harsh words. She sounds like she is just frustrated with the situation and is venting her anger out on you. We tend to hurt the ones closest to us first just because they are there.

It is probably the financial situation that is putting extra pressure on your relationship with her and it is unfortunate that she is lashing out at you when you have your own problems to deal with.

You mention that you do everything for her which might also be causing her to vent at you. Have you considered that she might also be feeling worthless because you have to do so much for her? It sounds like you are both in the same situation.

Try and have a non confrontational conversation with her where you tell her that whilst you appreciate having a place to stay, that her harsh words are making you feel inadequate and a burden. This is a time where the two of you should be pulling together as a family to get the situation sorted out, not causing each other more pain and distress.

Alternatively, kill her with kindness. If you are the most sweet and kind person to her (even when she is being a cantankerous old crone) there is no harsh comeback from that, it would be virtually impossible for her to have a reason to put you down. Grit your teeth and smile sweetly - it worked for me with my Mother-in-law!

As my mother always tells me, "It's the squeaky wheel that gets oiled". Make sorting out your financial situation a priority. Ring or visit the place that is dealing with your disability payments. Ring/visit EVERY SINGLE DAY until the staff get so tired of hearing from you that they make it THEIR priority to sort things out just to get some peace and quiet!

Prepare yourself for a fight to get what you are entitled to but never give up. Sooner or later you will turn a corner and things will start to get a little more bearable day by day.

Try and remain positive (as difficult as it seems) and take whatever help you can when it is offered.

Above all, just keep going - take it one day at a time.

Good luck hon! xx

Answer 4

I know where u r coming from this past week I have been suicidal also and am glad I didn't do anything stupid. Try finding a free clinic or a church for counseling if you don't have insurance. As far as meds go alot of pharmecutical companies will give you the meds for free for low or no income. Try not to let your mothers hateful words hurt which i know isn't always easy. Maybe you need to tell her how you feel it is a start it could change her she may not even realize how it effects you or that she is even doing it.

Answer 5

i am no expert but may i ask you a few questions, so that i can understand better (it might help you)?
1. are you upset bcoz you're 'disabled'; or bcoz of your mum's anger and all her bad words?
2. do you feel 'useless' bcoz you can't do the things you normally can do?

you can give up.....and live a legend which says "This is a person who has given up on life (and God) because she thought the world has given up on her".

or, you can live a life which lives another legend, "This is a great person who despite all the calamities thrown at her, which at times seem unfair for many people, yet managed to live thru it and made difference in many others who have had similar fate like hers".

it is your call -- decide wisely. death is not a solution but for the timid and weak. i can feel your strength from your patience putting up with your mother's words. YOU ARE A STRONG PERSON.

remember, God is always a good God. this faith shall carry you thru in life.

Answer 6

And, why would you commit suicide, take your own life? Because someone else said something...ridiculous.

You are a human being, a very important human being. Sure things take time and disability payments and economic assistance is not always the answer, but, neither is suicide.

Call someone and talk to them...go to church and discus the matter with a member of your clergy. Quite often the church, or local parish, have outreach groups that can benefit you, psychologically and economically.

Suicide is never an answer. Especially if it means satisfying someone else, relative or not.

Answer 7

all i can say is i know what it's like to be hopeless in a case of depression. i can't work, we can't afford our bills. my grandmother makes me feel fat! i had tried therapy, every medication, was hospitalized five times this year, had shock treatment, finally attempted suicide last summer. i couldn't imagine getting better. finally, i started taking nardil, an maoi anti depressant used rarely but very affective. i understand though that you cannot afford medication. have you tried a tricyclet? they are available in generic. please don't listen to your mom. you know she is wrong in her behavior and her opinion of you. i can tell you're smarter than to believe her! all i can advise is HOLD ON; i really didn't see a way out, but miracles happen. hold out for the disability. things will get so much easier when you get it. meantime, find ANYTHING you like doing to get by: reading, television, crochet, smoking! why not use this opportunity to seek spiritual answers? make that a focus. having a project\goal can help, and i believe nothing is more important that your relationship with God. i'm christian; i'd advise starting with prayer, reading the bible and christian literature such as the purpose driven life, my utmost for his highest, the search for significance, the power of a praying woman, and lord, heal my hurts. also church attendence. but if you are skeptical about religion or christianity, don't stop there. do research on different philosophies and religions. sorry to get off subject, but this journey could be not only important, but something to keep you going.

Answer 8

I work in a hospital with a behavioural health facility and I've seen many, many cases similar to yours come and go. It's really sad when children get admitted and their own parents won't visit them. As I sit there and watch many walks of life come through (some are frequent flyers), I ask why are these people really here. We have control over our own life, whether we realize that or not. We have to think of our own happiness and working to live a calm life. Yes, work! It's not easy living in our world today. All I say is this, if you feel like a burden to your mother then that's something you can change. You have to think of your self because in the end that is all it's going to matter. There is also work for people on disability but it's not going to fall in our laps. We need to look for it. Don't end your life over something that you can change. If you do, you may not know what lies on the other side for you but I do, and trust me it's not good. I'm a Seventh Day Adventist Christian and I live with my family because I can't afford to live on my own. I do work but barely make enough to get by. However, I am content right now until God opens bigger doors for me. But we must first have faith in Him. Only He created us and loves us for no matter what we've done in the past and present. I was once to unemployed for months but Jesus saw me through it. And I thank Him for what I have now. If you do not know Him, all I ask is simply turn your life to Him. Trust me, He will and can get you out of your mess, but you must call on Him first. Besides, in the end all that is going to matter is the relationship between you and Jesus. * reference: John 3:16*

Answer 9

The minute your local offices of the Welfare dept. opens(family services) this morning call them and explain your situation to them. They'll help you with pain medications. If that doesn't work...call your pain Dr. and ask for the form to fill out for free meds from the drug manufacturer.
Explain the abusiveness of your mother and family services will also help you with that. In the meantime pick up the phone and call a minister or...
and talk to them...also try suicide hotline NOW!!! Good luck sweetie and I pray His holy spirit fills you and guides you. Here's a hug for ya!!!

Answer 10

Hey, don't do that. Don't you have anything to look forward to? There is always help out there. I am going to list some numbers here can you try calling them? If you don't have a phone then I think you can contact someone on-line. What ever you do make sure you talk to someone. I don't know what kind of pain you are going through, but whatever it is someone has been there before. Don't feel ashamed to talk to someone. I hope this helps. God bless!