Do i scare men away?

Question

So basically i'm a complete no-nothing when it comes to the opposite sex...i'm also very analytical.

i have two questions...1) does a women with a loud personality scare men away? I love chatting to the guys at work...joking, mucking around and i really enjoy myself. Generally I'm quite insecure, but i'm happy with myself...the insecureness comes from me being worried how i look to guys (i don't think i'm ugly but i don't think i'm one of those pretty girls either) because i know to them looks means alot. but outside of work they act completely different

My second question...a guy at work I thought i got along with really well, all of a sudden stopped talking to me, i can't figure it out. we'd joke around all the time, we were always laughing at each others jokes and then he just stopped tlaking to me and when i ask him questions he snaps at me. i don't think i've done anything to offend him. i've asked him what the issue is if there is one and he says theres no problem...

gosh, there is such a wide array of answers and thank you...i would like to say that yeh i like to be one of the boys i am a bit of a tom boy...but i'm definately a girl...there is no belching and farting going on...i love to laugh and alot of the time the guys get my humour better than the girls. yes i'm loud...but its been me my whole life...
and i'm not interested in dating anyone i work with, i know the consequences i've seen it happen before.
in regards to the second problem, i'm upset not because i'm in love with him, but because i think hes really great...it was like he totally got me before and now i don't even want to be in the same room as him.

Answer 1

It seems from what you have said that your behaviour around guys is to be "one of the guys" (i.e. no-nothing, analytical, joking, mucking around, insecure ... are all qualities that you might attribute more to men than to women).

This doesn't mean anything - it's just your behaviour and may be how you have related to guys & family members in the past to get noticed and to have your place in the family/society.

It's fine AND you may also want to explore how to relate to men using qualities that are more associated with women.

Hope you get my drift as I'm not trying to offend. Basically see a good counsellor/therapist for a fuller explanation or read one of those "Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars" books.

I guess the way to find an answer to your 2nd question lies in all the above.

There could be many reasons for his behaviour. Maybe he fancies you and has a jealous gf or he is confused by you as you just joke when he is trying to relate to you, or he is being teased by other guys, or he simply has problems of his own etc. etc.

Basically there is nothing wrong with you AND you may find that you can grow a develop your confident mature feminine side with no loss to your jokey, loud side, which also has a place in your personality.

Good luck!

Answer 2

It sounds to me that your deeply hurt by the brush off. I think he's a bit of a worm for not telling you what has brought about his sudden change towards you. He can't of been a true friend sweetheart. You must be so puzzled at the reasons.
Maybe a boss has told him to lay off.
Maybe there has been some nasty untruths said.
Maybe a girlfriend has put a stop to it.
Maybe he can't deal with his feeling towards you.
What ever it is you should move on and act towards him as he does to you.
After all he's only another work colleague.
As for your large personality there is no problem being who you are but you must bear in mind not everyone will take to it and some will tire of it so be care full where and when you use it.
You sound as if you enjoy life and people of less enjoyment will become jealous of you or even threatened by you.
But this does not mean the right person wont came along at some stage.
I'm telling you this because you sound very similar to myself after 25years of partying and enjoying my life i have just meet the right guy who i share this enjoyment with.
Carry on being happy it will take you far and wide.

Answer 3

Just be yourself karis,its all you can do-why change for other peoples sake-it doesn't matter if you are a plain jane or have pop star looks-doesn't matter if you are LOUD,or timid-you are what you are and if people don't like that,tuf!As for your second question about the guy at work,if he has stopped the usual kidding around,laughing and joking,and can't tell you why this is,then don't go forcing the issue,you have done your best to find out why,so just leave it there for now-he may feel able to tell you at some point why he is being this way with you,if not-tuf,life is too short,get on and live yours-you are the one that matters,not him:-)Best of...

Answer 4

The guy at work seems to be the one with the problem. It maybe that he started to have feelings towards you and was worried that he might get involved in one of those office relationships. You know the one's that everyone talks about all the time, whispers at the water fountain, sniggers at the lunch queue. He may just think that he shouldn't be so close to someone at work as this can sometimes cause problems in an office enviroment.
Whatever is wrong he obviously can't talk to you about it, so you should give him some time and space to work out his issues. So don't be disheartened/upset and don't think it's your fault, obviously it's his problem.
Concerning the first part of your question. I personally like forward/loud women. At least you know where you stand with them and they are so much more fun than the staid/quiet types.

Answer 5

I shouldn't worry too much about having a "loud"personality. Oh yes it scares some guys off but then others react totally differently.

The second problem sounds like it is this guys problem. If he has talked to you a lot then maybe the other guys have been winding him up about it. It happens. Take no notice and just be youself.
He will eventually come round.

Answer 6

I think you may be a bit more overpowering than scarey towards the guys. Women that are too loud put men off them I think - its nice to have a few ladylike characteristics. So whilst Id stay up for a laugh and stuff with the lads - just keep a femine touch to yourself at the same time.
Regarding the second guy - if he says theres no problem then he obviously doesnt want to talk to you about it so just leave it be - give him a few days to sort himself out. xx

Answer 7

Actually men are very bad at this. The women that they get friendly with and treat more like a sister than a potential lover. I'm sorry to have to tell you this but you'll have to distance yourself from the men if you want any of them to consider dating you. Don't do this abruptly but do gradually taper it off. Men see women who associate freely with them as grown up tomboys rather than women. As for being insecure, you have to see that if you don't like yourself that much...how can you expect men to do the same? You have to be more confident in yourself, pay more attention to your looks if you feel that will get you noticed, make more women friends (and if you can't then you might have to be a bit lonely for a while) but generally restrict your over frankness with men...that way they will stop thinking of you as 'one of the boys' and more like a woman. As for the guy you got along with really well...he might have found you undesirable as a lover and got teased by the other men about it...thus he came to the juvenile decision to distance himself from you. Its not worth bothering about someone so petty and immature....I've seen it happen and it sounds like that is what happened. You should completely ignore him because such idiots are not worth your time. Besides dating men at work...you should consider other options such as the library, local book clubs, parties etc...don't focus on the work people because those relationships can actually get very messy. Above all, be confident in yourself and do this course if you want to...its free and it really helped me...
www.selfconfidence.co.uk

Answer 8

Joke around but try and be hard to get !! As this apparently turns men on ! I don't think you scared him away but before you were good friends but then he probably got the idea that you wanted to be more then that and he probably didn't want to ! So not to hurt you're feeling even more by joking around with you even more he completly left you so that you wouldn't regret going further with him ! Chill out and you will probably be friends again but nothing more then friends !

Answer 9

I can be very analytical as well, I hate it, but that's just the way my mind works at times.

I don't think women with loud personalities scare men off, but it can sometimes mean that men see them as mates, rather than potential partners.

Not sure what's going on with the bloke at your workplace though, if you've spoken to him and he says there's no problem, then you'll have to see how things go from there I guess. Definitely seems as though something is up with him.

Answer 10

i agree with the others, dont try to be one of the lads as this is exactly how they will look at you!
loud isnt bad as long as its not obnoxious.
Dont date men at work ends in tears and embarrassment! and trust me its mortifying!
he sounsd like an idiot, men are strange creatures, someone might be ribbing him or maybe he has a GF?
Go out with your girlfriends and you might meet a decent man when you are safe and secure and genuinely enjoying yourself instead of mucking around with lads at work! Apparently men are attracted to happy and secure women so look like you are having a laugh even if you arent! good luck!xxx