Could Jesus have put Humpty Dumpty together again? If so, why didn't he?

Answer 1

Yes, Jesus actually did put Humpty Dumpty back together again. Humpty actually spent several years trying to get the word out and let people know that he was ok, but to no avail. He tried several times to get coverage by being guests on Letterman and Leno (in that order) but they were not interested. They said something about how no one was interested in a "happy, living, breathing Humpty Dumpty." Disheartened, but not defeated, Humpty took to the streets of New York where he tried to get the word out one block at a time. He would even show them his cracks, he liked to call them "scars", but that didn't seem to impress anyone. People didn't pay much attention to him, however, believing that he was just another crazy, homeless, lying, New York bum (he did, in fact, look very much like a bum due to his very large beard. When asked why he wouldnt shave it off, to perhaps improve his integrity and believability, he would just mumble something about how "ever since I was a little kid I wanted to grow a beard just like Kenny Rodgers" and "now that Ive got it im not going to shave it off for anything."
Humpty finally gave up on trying to clear his story and moved out west. He settled down and married a Ms. Linda New Guinea. They lived in relative happiness for about 6 months, but she filed for divorce. Towards the end they had begun to argue very much. She did not believe that he was the real Humpty Dumpty either and though Humpty did not care about the public's view he'd be damned if his own wife thought he was a liar. Linda also grew to absolutely hate Humpty's beard. She couldn't quite put her finger on it, but something about it reminded her of Kenny Rodgers. If there was one thing she hated in life, it was Kenny Rodgers. (In a strange twist of fate, Linda ended up getting remarried to Donald Dumpty, the largest stockholder in Kenny Rodger's Roasters Chicken Restaurants. After his untimely death, due to a heart attack, Linda received all of her husband's much sought after stocks and now found herself owning a majority of the company. Of course, after the E. Coli outbreak of 89 the stocks plummeted and Linda lost everything she had. This only increased her already burning hatred for Kenny Rodgers. Ms. Linda Dumpty-Humpty-New Guinea has since picked herself up and risen like a phoenix from the ashes with her cat wedding business. She performs "certified" cat weddings for everyone who is concerned about their cats "living in sin." If anyone is interested, you can reach her at her website www.monogamousmeows.com)
Lonely and middle aged, Humpty decided that he needed to do something special with his life now. He spent some time in the mountains of Tibet studying Zen Buddhism under one of the Dalai Lama's right hand monks.
He eventually returned to the states, however, where he decided that he liked the small town life of western Ohio. Things were quiet here (Celina, Ohio) and no one seemed to give much care to a middle-aged, slightly chubby ManEgg and that was just fine with Humpty. Humpty opened a small business of his own, a quaint little fat free pudding business. It was highly succesful in Humpty's small town and the people of Celina still speak with pride of the pudding today. It was his pudding company that brought him back into the public light for a brief moment in 1995, but it was not under any kind of circumstances that Humpty would have wanted. Humpty sued Ben N' Jerry's ice cream for stealing his ideas regarding ice cream recipes. Humpty had gotten the idea several years before this to start adding nuts to his fat free puddings. He loved the texture and protein that they brought to his already scrumptious assortment of puddings. He had two options in regard to his nut toppings, one was an assortment of nuts including pistachios and peanuts, the other lightly salted cashews. They were very popular and all went well with his new idea until Humpty saw several new Ben N' Jerry ice cream flavors in the supermarket one day. He could not believe his eyes. In front of him lay cartons and cartons of 'This Is Nuts' and 'Uncanny Cashew' ice cream flavors. He became enraged and sued the ice cream company for stealing his idea of mixing nuts ,specifically assorted nut and cashew varieties, with a cold dessert treat. The case did not last long, however, as the court did not see eye to eye with Humpty. Neither of his two lawsuits won. In regard to the first, the court said that Humpty had not come up with the idea of putting nuts in dessert and he could not put a monopoly on it. In regards to the second lawsuit, it could not be proven that Ben N' Jerry took the names of their nutty ice cream dessert flavors ('This Is Nuts' and 'Uncanny Cashew') from Humpty's nutty pudding desert flavors ('This Is Crazy Nuts' and 'Uncanny Cashewness").
All of the fuss and money that Humpty put into his lawsuits drove him and his pudding business bankrupt and he had to take up a job cutting grass at the local high school where he still works to this day. "It pays the bills," Humpty has said.
Thanks to the success of several major motion pictures based on children's fairy tales, Hollywood came knocking recently on the door of an aging Humpty Dumpty. The Lifetime Movie Network was in the process of casting their newest made-for-tv blockbuster "Sunny-Side Down: The Humpty Dumpty Story." Humpty politely turned down the offer, however. He had no interest in playing this role despite his "uncanny resemblence to Humpty Dumpty". Humpty had found peace in his little world and no longer care whether people knew anything about the true Humpty.
These days Humpty can be found inching across the Celina High School football field on his riding lawnmower on Thursday evenings. When you see the silhoutte of a large oval head, bearing a beard that looks conspicously Kenny Rodgers-like, against the Celina sunset, you know you've found the true Humpty Dumpty.

Answer 2

Nope. Because Humpty is real and Jesus is not. I know this because my story book has Humpty on the cover. There is nothing about this Jesus fellow. I only live my life the way Mother Goose has told me through her words which have been handed down through the generations.

Answer 3

Humpty Dumpty never existed.

Answer 4

Yes He could of. But He didn't because Humpty never asked Jesus to put his life back together again. He was probably too prideful.

Answer 5

u didnt see/read God/Christ in the story of Humpty Dumpy ryt?? start making ur own version then have it printed for the bible......

Answer 6

for starters,Humpty Dumpty isn't real.So,why waste his energy.

Answer 7

because humpty dumpty was a fairy story

Answer 8

1) We will never know.
2) It was time for an omlette.

Answer 9

he did you just havent heard about it yet because there was no part 2 to the nursery rhyme..

Answer 10

No respect, I refuse to go in to armed combat with someone who is not armed. And no I will not explain it to you. a2J

Answer 11

I am sure Jesus had more important things to do.