Getting married but my mom wont let my dad be there? What should I do.?

Question

My mom and dad havn't seen each other or talked in 19 years. I just got reunited with him and my half siblings. Well I am engaged to a great guy and I have always wanted both my parents to be there and now they can. Except that my mom told me that if he showed up she wouldn't. It has always been a dream of mine to have both of them there. I have talked to her several times and she wont change her mind. I don't want to upset her or my father. Both are excited to walk me down the ile. What should I do?

Answer 1

That is very selfish and immature for your mother to do this. This is your big day and if you want your father to be there he should. If your mother wants to not show up then let her...the only person she wil be hurting is yourself. She shouldn't put you in this situation. if she loves you, she will look past her differences with your father for one day. Invite him and let her know your stand on things. Don't give in to her demands. It's your day and all your demands should be met.

Answer 2

You're mom is hurt that you have a relationship with him. She still feels that somehow, she should have been able to make it work too, right or wrong, that's how she feels. Not knowing all the details on the breakup, it's hard to tell.

You really need to sit down and tell her it's important to you that they both be there. I'd hope she understands that you love both of them equally. Tell her all the time growing up, you always imagined your Mom AND Dad at your wedding. All girls do. It's not like they have to dance or even talk. You just wan't both of them there for your memories. My brother got married, and my parents had split. Guess what, both are in other relationships and both brought their significant others. The preachers and photographers know how to work all this out now.

Or you could go the hard road and tell her if he can't come, the wedding is off and you and the guy will go to the courthouse. Tell her you'll simply tell the families that until she can put aside her stubborness there will be no family ceremony. If she gets upset, ask her why? Why can't she put aside her personal feelings for one person and consider her own daughters feelings exclusively. Just for a few hours. Maybe the preacher can help talk to her.

Bottom Line: It's your wedding. YOU are the BRIDE. I hope the guy backs you. That makes it a ton easier. And hey, what about her family. Talk to them and ask why shes doing this?

Answer 3

I would say have a heart to heart with both of them. I see your mother is stubborn about this. She is hurt that he is all of a sudden included in something he did not partake in for 19 years. Talk to your mother and explain that this has always been your dream to have your parents walk you down the isle, one on each arm.

Another thing is...who is paying for the wedding? If it is you and your fiance, then you do whatever you want because at the end of the day, this is YOUR wedding. If your mother is paying, you may want to come to some kind of compromise....say your father walks you half way down the isle and then hands you to your mother, who in turn would take the ultimate job and give you away to your husband. That way you mother feels like the more important one. Your father isnt stupid and knows that he has in a sense neglected you for 19 years. So just to be included even for a small part will do him justice. Good luck sweetie.

Answer 4

It's your wedding and you have the right to invite anyone you want. If your mom loves you, and she does, then she will accept the fact that you want all your family to be there because it's the most exciting day of your life. If your mom can't accept your dad being there, then maybe your mom shouldn't be there. Your mom must understand that this is your wedding, not hers. Don't let your mom ruin the biggest day of your life because of a family break-up. What you can do is make sure that your mom and dad aren't in the same room at the same time during the wedding.

Answer 5

Divorced (or otherwise separated) parents are often a problem when it comes to weddings, it is hard to try and "choose between them". The best response to this is NOT to choose...
Tell your mom that you want her to be there, but that you want your father to be there as well and you are now being put in an uncomfortable place where you are being told to "choose" between them. Tell her that YOU will not be making the choice, SHE will be. She can choose to put your happiness above her dislike/discomfort over your father's attendance for ONE day.... or she can choose not to attend.
You CANNOT let yourself be put into the situation of "choosing" one over the other, because that is EXACTLY what she is trying to do... she is counting on your guilt to get you to leave your father out of it because she is probably afraid of seeing him again rather than angry with him (a hurt heart can be a scary thing to be forced to confront). If you let her know that you cannot be bullied into leaving him out she will PROBABLY accept it (begrudgingly, mind you) and attend anyway, even though she said she wouldn't no matter what. Since it has been so long since she has seen him she might not even recognize him anyway.... she might know it is him if he is the only one her age she doesn't recognize though LOL
Good Luck

P.S. In planning your wedding and reception however.... count on BOTH attending (so you'll be prepared).
Mother sits in first row, Father (and step-mother if applicable) sit in third row. Then at the reception have 2 separate tables on opposite sides of the room (still both in front though, and ideally an equal distance from the head table) one for you mother and any of her family, and the other for your father and any of his family. Then of course somewhere between them should be the table for your groom's family.

Answer 6

I feel very sad for you on what is meant to be a very special day for you, your partner and your family.

I think you need to keep talking to your mother, tell her how important this day is for you and ask her to put her feelings aside to allow you to have your dream wedding. Let her know how much you love her and that you don't want to hurt her but by her refusing to allow your father to participate or even come to the wedding she is hurting you very much.

If you feel you can't talk to her anymore then write her a letter telling her how you are feeling. She can read this when she is alone and reflect on how her decision is affecting you. Also ask her what you can do that will make it easier for her to be in the company of your father for the day.

I wish you luck and hope that everything works out.

Answer 7

Your mom is holding your wedding hostage. It's up to you whether you let you get away with it. Obviously you are going to upset one or the other. My grandma did this to my dad; my mom told her "that's his father and he wants him at the wedding; it would be a crying shame if his own mother didn't attend his wedding." It worked, Grandma attended the wedding and so did Pappy. I don't think I would have your dad walk you down the aisle. He isn't the one who was there for you all those years, your mom was. Have him to the wedding, but have your mom walk you down. It's a fair compromise and maybe if your mom sees how you are honoring her, she'll compromise. Good luck.

Answer 8

Tell your mom that it is important for YOU that she is there - tell her that you love BOTH of your parents, and that both of them will always be your parents.

Maybe it would help if you gave them seats apart from each other - like special seats during the wedding, and then at the reception as well.

If your mom is too selfish than to calm her own feelings for YOUR special day, reside yourself to accepting it and enjoy your day as much as you can. She is the one who will regret it in the end.

Sorry so long! Good luck! :)

Answer 9

If she raised you on her own for 19 yrs, it is perfectly understandable for her to feel that way, as your marraige is a happy moment that she has imagined as one of her goals to witness and enjoy. The sudden appearance of your dad is unexpected.
I think I would be sensitive to the feelings of the person who was there for me forever, and not to the come-lately person. She is probably torn into pieces now and will be consoled if you dont have your dad come for at least one of the important functions, either the ceremony or the reception. Make her choose which one your dad can attend.
I am personally more attached to my dad but also know that he earned that love and respect by being there for me and his sacrifices to give the best he can. ANy man can be a father but it takes a special guy to be a dad !
If he just became one of my recent acquaintances as you said in your question, , my mom will come first. No question about it. She earned it.

Answer 10

First it is YOUR wedding...it should be a happy time. Tell them that they BOTH can walk you down the aisle. Have your Mom walk you down half the aisle and have your Dad walk you the rest of the way. Tell this is a way to make both of you happy, and now its up to the both of you to make your daughter happy.
They dont have to be best friends at the wedding but be adults for 5 minutes for the sake of htier daughter.

Answer 11

you are 17 and pregnant what you think about your situation is from a young perspective. I myself was pregnant and married at 17 and my marriage only lasted 3 years, because of this I caution everyone that at this age you cannot see life in general. Playing house is one thing but marriage is alot harder to get out of. You have other choices you cannot tell me that the state you live in would not cover the cost of the birth of your baby. Not only that most insurance companies will not cover a pre-existing pregnancy before marriage. My advice instead is to live with him for a year before taking that major step because you once you take it alot of opportunities that you would of had will be gone