The other day I blew up at my seventeen year old grandson when I found out he had a picture up on myspace that I didn't like. He was wearing clothes his father picked out. I told him to delete the picture, and in so many words, he asked me why. I told him because I didn't want to remember what a bad job my parenting skills were. He said that that was all his father's choice.
Maybe I should explain. A week ago he was kidnapped by his father, forced to have sex twice with his father's partner (a male), and tormented the whole five days he was missing.
Today, after he said that, I blew up. I shoved him so hard, he fell off the chair and into the keyboard. I told him that what I said went, and that he shouldn't have any opinons about it, like it or not. I told him that it was probably his fault he got kidnapped, too. After that he went to his room and I haven't seen him since (it's been two hours.) How do I say "I'm sorry?" I don't want to just say it because I know he wont believe me.
2006-10-15 18:06:09 · 18 answers · asked by Lisa X 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
he ain't gay. thanks for pointing that out... also, his father's in the hospital in a coma. charges have been filed (he was already in jail for drug charges)
2006-10-15 18:53:14 · update #1
Lis, first thing is to get off the computer and go to him. He needs a stable person in his life, and you need to get as much help as he does. Go to the door and knock. Ask if you could please talk to him. Then apologize, you over reacted, and you said things that you really didn't mean. That you are going to need help to; that you are having a very difficult time knowing that you raise this man that could hurt an innocent child. That you love him, and that you are really sorry, and could he please forgive you.
Tell him you aren't going to promise things are going to be easy, and that you might still blow up every once in awhile, but it's not him. Assure him that you won't ever ever put your hands on him again in anger, and it was wrong of you to do so. Tell him adults make mistakes, that your heart is breaking, that you feel responsible that this terrible thing has happened to him, and you couldn't protect him.
Talk him, explain your true feelings. He's an adult, you might not want to think so, but after everything he's been through, he is. He was force to grow up. Has he seen a counsler? I hope so, and I hope you seek professional help too. Because you are dealing with a lot of anger and disappointment, and guilt.
Now, get up out the chair, and go make things better. He needs you, just as much if not more than you need him right now. He's not the one you should be angry with, it's your son. Your grandson is innocent, and his grandparent to love him even more now. Please get help for both of you, but for tonight go and tell him you are sorry and that you love him.......
Praying hard for your family including your son and the man that tormented this young person.
God bless us all................
2006-10-15 18:27:00 · answer #1 · answered by totallylost 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We are all human and sometimes we end up speaking out of anger when later we know we shouldn't have. There are a couple things about your story. Number one, if your grandson was kidnapped by his Father and abused by his partner, you didn't mention if you or your grandson pressed charges because with your grandson still being 17, he is still a minor. And if he was, "forced" then a police report needs to be filed and charges need to be made against the perpetrators. And your grandson needs to get professional help, maybe if you joined him the two of you could become closer. Another issue that you seem to be upset with is your bad parenting skills with your grandson's Father. Are you taking it out on your grandson,because your son, is gay? Because there is a difference between being gay, or being a pedophile. May I suggest for additional support that you contact PFLAG-Parents Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. It wouldn't cost you anything to read their website and they are an accepting and loving organization. http://www.pflag.org/Get_Support.coming_out.0.html
PS. you made it sound like your son was gay by referring to "his parter a male." Good Luck
2006-10-16 01:32:59 · answer #2 · answered by ncamedtech 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow poor kid has been through a lot it seems and right now what he probably needs more than anything is someone to talk to, and listen to him. I understand you were probably hurt and angry with everything that's happened but unfortunately you may have taken it out on the wrong person..
I think you should sit down and open up to him, tell him what you're feeling and explain to him exactly why you reacted to him like you did.
Apologize sincerely to him, he'll know you mean it if you speak from your heart.
And most importantly be an ear for him, and supportive to him, I think that would show him that you're very sorry for what you said and that you're on his side not against him. Please do it sooner rather than later.
I hope everything works out for both of you
2006-10-16 01:23:41 · answer #3 · answered by Nat 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Im sorry for all the trauma your family has gone through lately and I hope things will improve.
Tell your grandson that :
1) You care about him and don't want him to get hurt. You care so much that you exploded at him.
2) Tell him you wouldn't know what to do without him.
3) Tell him that his kidnapping wasn't his fault and that he didn't deserve it.
4) Explain that you are sorry and will try your best to keep calm during that sort of situation.
Im sure things will turn out fine. Your grandson knows that you love him!
Best Wishes!
2006-10-16 01:10:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
good grief.....what do you say to something like that.....my god...just tell him you love him very much, and that you flipped out due to your own guilty feeling of not being able to protect him, that you lashed out on him what you really wanted to do to his father....although shoving him was wrong, guess this is what people call "people snapping" due to stressful/tramatic events....maybe he needs a little alone time, but tell him you love him and your sorry, and perhaps maybe you both can go for some counceling to deal with such a horrific thing that happened to him...He has to be going through alot, and you as well.....sincerely hope the future brings better things....
2006-10-16 01:12:58 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You will just have to suck it up, & look him straight in the eye & sincerely tell him how sorry you are. Tell him that deep down you know he did nothing wrong, & that you are also profoundly affected by the bad things that happened to him recently, & you need to learn to express your feelings about it differently, so from now on you will try harder to get it right next time.
You have to trust him enough that he will believe you.
2006-10-16 01:13:15 · answer #6 · answered by No More 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What a mess. All you can do is be sincere and maybe think about aquiring some calming techniques for yourself. Let him know you really love him and wish things didn't happe that way. But it did and you're going to do your best to make things better.
Good luck.
2006-10-16 01:09:13 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Explain how frustrated and worry you are about him and then apologize for your actions and then give him a hug. He needs more affection and self-assurance now than ever before. I know this is very hard for both of you, but you are doing the best job you can in this situation. My best to both of you.
2006-10-16 01:10:42 · answer #8 · answered by ginger13 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just sit down and explain why you did what you did. Tell him how much you love him and dont want to hurt him. Try not to make the same mistakes you say you made with your son with your grandson. Accept him for who he is not what he is.
2006-10-16 01:10:28 · answer #9 · answered by tapa_autoparts 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Being a "shrink" these days must pay well. Anyway, one does not say "I'm sorry" unless they sincerely believe they should be... (sorry that is).
Your grandson will always be who he is, you will always be who you are, "if the shoe fits.. Wear It" .. and let others wear theirs... and to h*ll with everything else.... no charge for that.
2006-10-16 02:00:46 · answer #10 · answered by Maany G 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋