My children are out of control?

Question

My 5 and 6 yr/old kids are out of control. They rarely do as we say, won't clean up when asked, won't go to bed when told. They don't respect anything. We have tried to raise to respect their parents and stuff but something has backfired. I have taken away priviledges like.. T. V, computer, special treats etc. I have even gone as far as having the "Mess Fairy" come in when they were asleep and take all of their toys that hadn't been put away. That was 8 months ago and they haven't missed them or even tried to earn them back. Short of the old fashioned disipline, which I hear is now illegal, I have tried just about everything. I don't know what else to do. Any suggestions, please be serious I don't have any patience left for bad answers.

Answer 1

My wife and I have had the same problem with our twin now 8 y/o boys. My mom taught us a trick that has worked for some reason with them. I have a special corner set up in our livingroom that you cant see the TV or anything else from. We put them in the corner with thier nose as close to the corner as possible for 1 minute for each year (8 y/o gets 8 minutes) After the embarrassment of this a few times they will come around,
If it doesnt work consider tough love and take EVERYTHING away from them. They come home from school and go straight to thier room, with nothing but a bed (no TV, playstation, computer or anything fun) and a book. Let them know that this will happen if they dont start "shaping up" and FOLLOW THROUGH. After awhile they will know you are serious and not walk all over you. My wife used to threaten them and never do anything she said she would and they knew nothing would happen. We had a trip planned to go to CT for the weekend to see thier family. I told them that if they didnt behave we wouldnt go. Well low and behold they didnt behave and we sat here in boring Vermont and split wood, raked leaves, and cleaned the yard up. Yes it was hard not to go but it was something they wanted to do but couldnt because of thier actions. Like i said just follow through and dont make idle threats. If you say that they wont get dessert if they dont do something you ask then dont let them have dessert. Stay strong!!!

Answer 2

Ah parenthood with young children. All us parents have dealt with this at one time or another. One Christmas I even put some coal in bottom of stocking along with a note from Santa. Didn't do any good after the first day. Trust me when I tell you that there is nothig wrong with your kids but you may want to take some time and get away from them now and again if possible. This will allow you time to rejuvinate and deal with there little quirks more easily. Perhaps your husband and you can go out on a date and have someone look after the kids weekly or monthly and spend some valuable time together alone and just unwind. Just a suggestion.

Answer 3

Your children are apparently in complete control. Of you. Don't let them get away with it. Just don't do it. You are the parent. They are the children. Who is in charge? Put your foot down and make them clean up. Make them put their stuff away. Apparently something is entertaining them. They are not just sitting on their beds day after day with nothing to do because you've taken everything else away. Take away what matters most. Sports. Friends. Sleep-overs. Whatever pushes their buttons. They probably leave out the toys they don't want deliberately. Take away the ones that mean the most. When you decide who is in control, they'll get the message. Right now the message is: they are.

Answer 4

Are you consistant with punishments? sometimes if a child thinks they can get away with something sometimes they will take that chance. Do they have any responsibilities? I have five children and they all are responsable for certain things and the three youngest are 5, 6, and 6. Make sure you have a set schedule and list of things to do and make sure that discipline is inforced every time a certain rule is broken and the punishment that matches. I would say if they problem persists and you want help that you seek the advice of a doctor and/or psychologist. If at all possible.

Answer 5

Well, I have a few questions to ask in order to answer your question....
Is there a mother and father raising these children? Most times if it's a single mother raising the children, they behave like that because they need a male figure in their lives.
Has anything drastically changed in your lives recently? Did either parent's change jobs/shifts? Did you move? Has another family member come to live with you? Sometimes that affects children and we don't stop to think about things like that.
What about medication? Are either of them taking medication? Are either of them allergic to anything? I know that must seem strange asking that question, but I had a friend with a similar situation: her daughter who was almost 3 at the time was throwing temper tantrums and she couldn't figure out why. And FINALLY they figured out it was the fluoride mouth tablets she was giving her. Hard to believe, but, it's true. She was having an allergic reaction and acting violent toward everyone. And she was delayed in speech, so she couldn't tell her mother what was wrong.
You should talk to your children's pediatrician and ask them what you should do. They might be able to help you figure this out. I hope this helped.

Answer 6

First off, spanking is not illegal in Canada and the US.

Second, time to take control. Sit them down, explain that everything is taken away until they earn it back. In a sense, they are grounded until they smarten-up. If that doesn't work, a good old fashioned spanking will give them that push they need.

Take control or you will be a very sorry parent in the very near future.

Answer 7

I feel for you. Try reading John Rosemond's books. He's brilliant, and my friends and I all love his suggestions. "The Six-Point-Plan For Raising Happy, Healthy, Children" is his most popular. "John Rosemonds New Parent Power" is also good, and "Because I Said So!" is also really good. And if it's any comfort-- "Old Fashioned" discipline isn't illegal. In fact, the parents right to spank was recently upheld in a court of law. (Though there is a difference between spanking and a beating. As long as you know the difference, you're OK.)

Answer 8

It sounds like your disciplinary tactics are not working, so it's time to change your strategy. Children at this stage barely deal well with reasoning, and you should never stoop to giving bribes to make your children listen to you. It is a conditioning process, and one that will require self-discipline on your part. It is very normal for children of this age to test adult limits and guidelines. It is just a way for them to assert themselves. But there are a few things that you can try:

1. Respect their age and give them age specific tasks. Perhaps they feel frustrated by their chores.

2. Sometimes it's easier to look the other way and not to make a battle out of everything. If your kids want to go to bed wearing their favourite costumes, what's the harm?

3. Try to provide opportunities for your children to show off some of their independence. Instead of demanding that they wear the shirts you've selected, for instance, let them choose between two or three that you've laid out.

4. Compromise, compromise, compromise.

5. Set limits and be consistent with your rules.

6. Encourage your children when they are being good and praise their behaviour.

Disciplining your children doesn't mean controlling them - it means teaching them to control themselves. Punishment might incite them to behave, but only because they might be afraid not to. It's best for your kids to do the right thing because they want to and because it makes them feel good. Hope this helps. I am speaking from experience.

Answer 9

Spank them!! The law doesnt say that you cannot discipline your children. Im all for the old fashion stuff, but if you dont do this soon, its only gonna get worse, and soon they are gonna start beating on you! Get them girl, let them know who is boss! Im not telling you to abuse them (cause thats dead wrong!) But you need to get your house in order, before its too late! In addition, to the spankings, you need to take everything away, not just a selected few toys, take it all!! Having that stuff is a privilege. What you need to do is have a garage sale, and sell it all!! Then they will see that your not playing games. Yeah taking away privileges is harsh, but it needs to be done! You might want to start with halloween--they will start shaping up once you do that, and if that doesnt work, let them know that your gonna take away christmas! Then they will know who is in control! Good Luck. . .

Answer 10

first of all at the age of 5 and 6 they will do anything a parent tells them to do. maybe they have to many toys and that is why they don't miss any of the ones that are gone. if they were 15 and 17 like mine all i have left to take from them is air and i think they need it. so that is the only reason that i am letting them keep it. a child only do what is allowed. set rules and stick to them. you have to because if not they will be out of control teenagers. i think my boys are having problems because their father has been in and out of their lives. there is some things that a mom can not teach her boys. be tough. good luck.